Ever heard of the blog Cake Wrecks? It’s a fantastic blog featuring pictures of professional cakes that are a disgrace to the dessert world. This morning I produced a cake that is on par with some of the cakes on Cake Wrecks.
We’re having a party and I planned to produce this half chocolate/half vanilla cake with buttercream frosting. That didn’t happen.
Last night, after my sketch show was over, I came home with the intent of baking my cake. It was about 95 degrees in my apartment and after sweating through a 40 minute performance in an un-air conditioned theatre, the last thing I wanted to do was stand in front of an oven for six hours. Instead of going for the half and half square cake as I intended, I decided a simple two-layer round chocolate cake would do.
The process was fine until I tried to remove the cakes from their pans. I don’t know if I let them cool too long or if they didn’t cool long enough, but both cakes stuck to the bottom of the pans and crumbled. I was so upset! A million and a half degrees in my apartment, no air conditioning and with people coming over who had never tasted my cooking. Fantastic. I left the somewhat round crumbles covered with saran wrap and went to bed.
I awoke at 8 this morning to try and salvage my disaster. I figured, frosting! Frosting solves all problems! I can fix this!
I made my frosting and actually did end up creating a fully frosted, fully assembled cake. Sort of. The gaps left in between the layers from the crumbling cake couldn’t be filled. The cake itself broke off in small pieces and mixed with the frosting, creating an unintentional cookies and cream look. No matter how hard I tried, I could not defeat gravity. The frosting sild off the sides and spooled like ribbon candy as it went down. The cake itself developed a small indent on the top, an indent that grew into a fault and finished its evolution when it became a gaping canyon across the top of the cake. It couldn’t be salvaged.
Shawn, trying to make me feel better, ate a piece. The cake itself was good but in my attempt to save it I had overlooked a crucial detail – the receipe I used to make the frosting called for an entire bag of powdered sugar. Had I been thinking clearly I may have noticed that this is an alarming amount of sugar. The frosting was so sweet I couldn’t finish my piece. Shawn was having sugar tremors for an hour after. We threw the whole thing in the trash.
This was the second cake I made from scratch. The first was for Shawn’s birthday in May (pictured below).
In less than six months I’ve gone from that to this. Behold, the Blob Cake!
Better not quit my day job.