Writer’s Block and the Art of Fail

I have writer’s block. Severe, writer’s block. I’ve had it for a while now (oh, let’s go with years) and I don’t see it letting up any time soon.

Some people say writer’s block isn’t real. Maybe for them it’s not. Writer’s block, for me, is very, very real. And I’m so fed up I want to jump out my window in frustration.( I live on the third floor so I’ll only break a leg or two.)

I have spent the last several weekends staring at a blank word document. I’ve tried to shake it up by switching to pen & paper. I even tried some writing exercises that are supposedly designed to generate ideas. Nothing. Of course, the exercise I pulled was to write about how a game changed my life. While that game of Connect Four was memorable, it wasn’t exactly life changing.

If I can’t write, what exactly am I supposed to do? This is where the Art of Fail comes in. If you have to suck you should be good at sucking. Here are some ideas to help be the best damn sucky asshole you can be.

1) Complain about sucking. Write a blog post on sucking. Do people think you suck? Congratulations!

2) Sit around staring at your computer. Nothing says “I’m an unmotivated asshole with no future” than several hours toggling between your Twitter account (extra points if you tweet about pointless stuff like your tasty PB&J sandwich or the color of your nail polish), your Facebook (tag yourself in people’s wedding photos even if you aren’t in them) and Gawker.com (where all the commenters are much, much funnier (and, quite possibly, more jaded) than you.)

3) Do you have a cat? Make sure you take him to the groomer and get him a “Lion” cut. Now your cat hates you as much as you hate yourself.

4) Eat. If you’re going to sit around being crappy, you better make sure the only thing you can fit into are your Thanksgiving sweatpants.

5) Cry. Cry until your under eye area looks like Michael Caine’s.

Ok, I’m off to suck. Peace.

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