Here fishy, fishy, fishy…

Know how you can tell that Comic Con is totally over and played out? I went. That’s all you need to know.

I had a lot of fun, and I saw my favorite cosplay ever – OLD SUPERMAN. I’d seen him at WonderCon and I loved him so much that when I saw his red robe from the back I pointed and yelled “YAY!” I’m a grown woman in my 30s. I have bills and a job and shit. And I yelled “YAY!” when I saw a man clad in Superman boxers and red slippers. That says a lot about my maturity level.

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Pic of Old Superman from WonderCon ’13

Of course, it could be debated that this man is not actually cosplaying but is an old cranky man who loves Superman and refuses to wear real clothing. Whatever. I still love you, Old Superman. You do you, bro.

My other favorite cosplays were a gender swapped Ghost Rider and a gender swapped Emma Frost. The Emma Frost cosplayer had a codpiece the size of my head. It was truly glorious.

Quick rundown of my San Diego Comic Con experience:

  • I met Pikachu
  • Holy shit there were a lot of people
  • The guy preaching about Cthulu at the top of his lungs right near all the Christians deserves a gold medal in trolling
  • I saw a Darth Mickey cosplay
  • I found $20 in a parking lot
  • There was a lot of buttcheek on display (no hate!)
  • I got a Teen Titans Go! bag. No one wants that. But all the bags had capes, so…win?
  • My phone didn’t get any service so I was unable to tweet or Instagram shit in real time, which is one of those horrible problems like world hunger or genocide
    • I was, however, able to tweet at Geoff Johns re: his broad shoulders. It made sense at the time
  • I drank like 14 venti lattes
  • I did not see Henry Cavill, which is for the best because I would have said something like; “The Man of Steel…I certainly hope so” before being tackled by like 903 body guards who would have then dropped me into the ocean. In fairness, I would have deserved it for being a skeezy creep
  • I did not wait in line for The X-Files reunion panel, even though I did watch the show premier on network TV 20 years ago (fuck I’m old)
  • I really, really, really wanted a Batman or Superman chew toy from DC’s new line of pet toys. I do not have a dog
  • I broke out in hives and had to find the first aid “tent” (lobby of hall C). That was fun. The paramedics were very nice and very cute and made me feel fatter with all their in shapeness

After eating out for a few days at the Con, I felt I needed to make something light to counteract all the bad that went down. Ok, it wasn’t really that bad outside the complementary continental breakfast served at our hotel. There were thick rectangles of ham. Rectangles. Of. Ham. HAMTANGLES. And people fucking ate that shit like it was nothing. Some dude had a plate piled high with the slimy pink abominations. I told my husband that if we ever get the chance to go to Comic Con again we’re gonna drop the dough and get a room in the Hilton or the Marriot near the convention center, if only to avoid staying in a hotel that serves hamtangles and cold eggs for breakfast. Blargh.

What’s a good, non ham-related meal? Fish. Good plan, me! I bought some tilapia filets and got to work. (I used this recipe as my starting point.)

Step 1:

Combine brown sugar, freshly grated ginger, freshly grated garlic, olive oil, and soy sauce in a small pan. Mix and heat over a low flame for about 2 – 4 minutes. I’ve never made a sauce like this before and I didn’t want to kill it, so I only left it on the heat for a short time.

I think I made the sauce too sweet. Next time I will reduce the amount of brown sugar and add a pinch or two of salt.

Step 2:

Put a ton of allspice on your filets. A lot. You don’t want to be able to see any of the fish. If they look like gross brown doorstops, you’ve reached premium spice!

Put the fish in a pan and cook.

Step 3: 

Cut up some scallions.

Once the fish is cooked, place it on a plate. Put some sauce on that son of a bitch and throw a couple of scallions on top. Instagram and serve! (I served this with a plain old side salad.)

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I have to say, I’m pretty fucking great. Someone give me a job where I just talk about how great I am all day long and annoy people with my commentary regarding my unchallenged awesome. What do you mean that job has already been taken by Kayne West? Fuck.

Dinner was good but what I really wanted was dessert. I don’t usually eat dessert on account of my big ass. I know that makes no sense, but I avoid dessert in hopes that my ass will magically shrink down from “tremendously large” to “magnificently large”. No such luck. So I said fuck it, I’m gonna eat my dessert today and all other shit be damned.

Strawberries were on sale for 88 cents a…clam shell? Plastic boxy thing? What the fuck are those things called? The thingies the strawberries come in. They were cheap. I bought two and decided that pseudo strawberry shortcake was the best thing ever.

Now, be warned – this is a really, really difficult dish to make. I don’t share this information with just anyone. I only share this with those who have the culinary skill and kitchen confidence (that’s a thing) to handle something so complex.

Step 1:

Buy a premade pound cake or angel food cake. Like so:

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Step 2: 

Cut up strawberries into small pieces. Place them in a bowl and sprinkle sugar on top. Stir and place in the refrigerator until you are ready to serve.

Step 3: 

Cut your premade cake shit into slices. Put some strawberries on top. Top with Cool Whip.

Instagram break!

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Don’t hate. It’s hard being this amazing. :sparkles:

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