Let’s face it – Thanksgiving is AWESOME. Thanksgiving is proof that God loves America – why else would he give us all this food and Black Friday fights? Obviously starving kids the world over should just become American – I bet they go to bed hungry and they don’t even dream about punching a dude in a Wal-Mart over a cheaply made flat screen TV! (Bootstraps, USA, USA, etc.)
I made Thanksgiving dinner. Like, the whole thing. The turkey, the stuffing, the potatoes, the cranberry sauce (fresh cranberry sauce is my jam); I even made (insert your favorite Thanksgiving dish here. You know the one. The one your grandma makes and you weep uncontrollably while eating because it’s just so damned good. I made it JUST LIKE YOUR GRANDMA DID)!
Here’s the problem with Thanksgiving – no one actually likes eating all that damned turkey. It’s great the first day, good when you throw it in a sandwich the next day, but after that…dude. No. No more. Please stop shoving turkey at my mouth hole like a 15-year-old boy desperate for his first blowjob. It’s not a good look.
I’ve got a shit ton of turkey in my fridge. Maybe I should drop the carcass on the floor and give my cats the biggest thrill of their lives (GIANT bird! GIANT DEAD BIRD!) Something tells me that would just ignite their desire for blood and I’d end up dead by morning. Or at least covered in fur and scratches, but that’s just a typical day in the life of a cat owner. I decided to make soup instead.
I love soup. All soups. Most of the time it’s so easy to make yet it looks difficult, making everyone think you’re some sort of super chef when all you actually did is throw shit in a pot and stir it a few times. And since Shawn started his chemo, I need to make things that he can try to eat when he’s feeling his worst. PLUS – soup is comforting. I need something comforting considering my life has taken a massive, unexpected left turn right into a god damned mountain covered in sharp glass, lemon juice, and salt.
I made Turkey Vegetable Soup.
Step 1: Take all the meat off your dumb bird and cut it into cubes. Better yet, con someone else into doing it for you while you cut up the veggies (thanks, Shawn!)
Cut up some onion, celery, and carrots.
Step 2: In a big ass pot, dump three cans of chicken broth (or turkey broth. I had chicken broth, so, deal). A lot of these turkey soup recipes call for making stock with the bones of the turkey. Dude, are you fucking kidding me with that right now? I have a full time job and a gigantic stack of comic books to read. I do not have the time to stare at a boiling pot of bones that I’m not casting a spell over.
Add three cans of water, two chicken bouillon cubes, onions, and two 28oz cans of undrained diced tomatoes. Why? (Imagine an “I don’t know” noise here.)
Step 3: Add celery, carrots, and turkey chunks. Add more water if you think you need it and let it come to a boil. Oh, also add salt & pepper and whatever other spices/seasoning you want.
Step 4: Once it’s boiling, throw in egg noodles. I used the whole package because I make Big Ass Pots of Soup ™ like it’s my god damned job. Cook until done and serve.
Not bad! I liked it better the next day because all the flavors were able to mix together. Now back to my regularly scheduled ignoring of this blog (until I feel the need to stop being a procrastinating asshole). Time to read comics like the grown ass adult that I am! Next in my stack:
That time Wonder Woman got sucked into a crappy children’s collection of fairy tales that looks like it was illustrated in 1978 by some guy who staggered into the office still high on blow from his Studio 54 outing.