It’s a really cold Christmas in Stars Hollow because Rory and Lorelai aren’t speaking. Even though 1965 Baby Jesus is missing an arm and Miss Patty needs to find a pregnant chick ASAP for the pageant, Rory and Lorelai aren’t able to overcome the “Rory stayed out all night and Judgy WASP Mom thinks you had sex with a boy” problem from last episode.
Judgy WASP Mom continues her streak as The Worst when she uninvites Lorelai from the annual Christmas party. Oh well. Lorelai would be better off to never speak to her mother again. She’s a terrible force of negativity and bitchy sadness. Consider this the best fucking gift anyone ever gave you, Lorelai, and get drunk as fuck to celebrate.
Rory wears another of those seam/embellishment under the boob dresses that only women with small boobs can wear and my self-loathing deepens. I’m so pissed my tits were too big for that shit. Still. Never getting over it.
Spacey Grandpa didn’t even know Lorelai wasn’t coming to the party (seriously, his wife is a fucking harpy spawned from the depths of the hottest hellfire) but he doesn’t worry much about it and gets all wound up about business. At dinner, it goes to lower the thermostat and collapses.
Back in Stars Hollow, Floppy gets caught by Lorelai and her distractingly lovely ass as he pounds on Rory’s window. Idiot. Floppy wants to make sure Lorelai doesn’t hate him. And even though Lorelai wants to remove his head from his body using dull hedge clippers, she tells him she doesn’t hate him. She just wants Rory to go to Harvard and not have a baby before she gets there.
After the visit from Floppy, Lorelai goes to the diner for dinner. Hopefully Discount Braff won’t show up to ruin shit this time. Luke – wise, hot, sexy Luke is all, “Why the fuck is Floppy still alive? Christmas is dumb, have a hamburger shaped like Santa because I love you.” Lorelai is all, “That’s a shit load of ketchup, it’s a good thing I’m not a diabetic.”
Just as she’s about to consume the nastiness that is the Santa Burger, Lorelai gets a call about her dad. She freaks out and Luke (sweet, sexy, ADORABLE Luke) comps everyone’s meal so he can drive her (very slowly) to the hospital in Hartford. Sigh. He’s perfect. Why is he so perfect? :Melts into floor:
At the hospital, Judgy WASP Mom is making Jane Lynch’s life a living hell because she literally cannot be nice. If her husband’s life depends on it (and it does) she couldn’t be nice or at least polite. Fuck this woman 19 ways from Sunday. She’s worse than Daylight Savings Time. Lorelai and Luke show up and while Judgy WASP Mom is burning all the bridges her money will just rebuy, Luke admits he hates hospitals. Dude, I hear that. I just had to stay in one overnight with an IV in my hand. (The vein in my hand is now hard and discolored. AWESOME.)
Luke and Lorelai have that “You don’t look good. I mean you always look good. I mean…” TV conversation that people who like like each other always have at the very beginning of their relationships. Aww. Cute.
Once Spacey Grandpa is rolled into a room, Lorelai can’t go into the room. She’s scared. Yeah. I get that. Spacey Grandpa tries to tell the Harpy he married where the life insurance info is, but she won’t listen. She’s too scared. I’d feel bad for her but she’s so terrible I can’t work up any empathy for her whatsoever.
I don’t want to hate this character, but she’s acted so horribly over the past two episodes that I can’t help it. I hope she starts acting more like a real person and less like the evil stepmother from a Disney movie.
Spacey Grandpa is going to be fine, Lorelai cries on Luke’s shoulder, and Judgy WASP Mom calls Luke & Lorelai idiots for saying they’re just friends. Finally. Something I agree with her on.
Everyone makes up. I guess nothing brings people together more than death.
The next night, Lorelai gives Luke a new hat and they watch the Christmas parade rehearsal (Wut?) together and it’s adorable.