Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 1, Episode 12 “Double Date”

What is with this show and the band XTC? In episode 2, Lane came running over with the new XTC CD held aloft. In the cold open for this episode, we’re treated to a “getting ready in the morning” montage set to XTC’s “Earn Enough For Us”. Were the creators friends with this band? Were they in this band? Did they feel bad because this band cursed itself with the name XTC?

“Get it? X. T.C? Like the drug? Or like that feeling when you’re really enjoying sex? But mostly like the drug?”

(Also – that cover is from their album White Music. This works very well with the Gilmore Girls because if I were to say “There are like 4 people of color on this show!” it would be EXTREMELY GENEROUS.)

Lane, fresh from used CD shopping (a girl after my own heart, she is), wants Rory to talk to Dean about Dean’s friend Todd…

I can’t even type that. I’m too old, my fingers will no longer allow for high school “I like that guy!” speak.

Lane likes Todd and she wants to go out on a date with him. Not just a date – a DOUBLE DATE! With Rory and Dean and Todd! (I’m assuming the pairings don’t actually matter here because swinging? Do young people swing? Or is that reserved for 40-year-old hot couples and their hot couple friends?)

Lorelai is trying to work and study, and Michele comes over and just Frenches all over the place. Dude. Can we talk about what a HUGE DICK Michele is? Why? Why is he such a dick?

Weather Representation of Michele

In the kitchen, Sookie and that guy who looks like a tugboat captain are being weird around each other. She asked him out but they still haven’t been out and neither one has mentioned it again. Lorelai tells Sookie she should just make a plan with him but Sookie “wants to be the girl.” Oh, Sookie. As a woman who spent most of her dating life paying her own way and driving dudes around because not one of them had a car, I know that feel. It’s hard to watch other women be taken out on hot air balloon rides or given flowers at every turn when the dudes YOU meet won’t even spring for a cup of coffee. I didn’t mind paying for myself, but damn it, it would have been nice to go out to dinner on my birthday and not have to throw down my own credit card.

Sookie relents and calls Jackson, leaving him a freaky message that would send most tugboat captains back to their boats.

As Rory tries to talk to Floppy Hair about Todd, Floppy can’t keep his lips off her. He’s become one of those “Whatever. Let’s kiss” brofucks that would get along with Spiky Hair. Eventually, she gets her point across and then he’s all SMOOCH SMOOCH SMOOCH and it’s gross. Blech.

Tugboat captain calls Sookie back and they set up a date for Sunday. Except it’s a double date. With Tugboat and his first mate, Tugboat Cousin. This means Lorelai has to go. She hates blind dates but loves Sookie so she goes.

Everybody gets ready at Lorelai & Rory’s house. Despite wearing what I can only assume is a quilt parading as a skirt, Sookie looks very lovely with her Mother of the Bride hair. Lane look nice, too, even if she is…wearing camo. It’s a pretty top for its time, I guess. However, and you knew there would be a however because it’s TV and we’re only 17 minutes in – Rory hasn’t told Lorelai about the double date with Lane. I’m sure nothing at all will go wrong and Lane and Rory will not have to deal with the consequences of their actions!

The girls are off and the boys arrive for shore leave. Tugboat Cousin is horrified by Lorelai because she is tall and he is not. He calls her a “that.” I’m glad they didn’t pull the “I’m SO glad I didn’t get the fat one!” crap that most dudes pull (remember – being a fat woman is worse than being anything else in the world!) But he’s terrible to Lorelai – he asks her shoe size, won’t look at her, won’t make conversation. He’s rivaling Michele for biggest walking penis on this episode.

At the movie theater/bookstore, Lane tries to explain Beck to Todd. She would have been helpful at the Grammies. Todd is a skater looking dude who is only wearing a Fugazi shirt because he likes the picture. He’s about as smart as his hair. Lane likes Velvet Underground and Neko Case and likes books and learning. We all know where this is going. I mean, his favorite movie is Beethoven. The DOG Beethoven.

He is cute, though.

Lorelai and the gang leave the French restaurant (where there is alcohol) and go to Luke’s (where there is no alcohol). Lorelai tells Luke that her “date” thinks she’s too tall. Luke laughs and jokes BECAUSE HE IS PERFECT AND SHE NEEDS TO MARRY HIM RIGHT NOW AND HAVE ALL THE SEX AND ALL THE BABIES WITH HIM. Tugboat Cousin runs off to go “bowling”, which I can only assume means suck his own dick in the middle of oncoming traffic, and Jackson and Sookie finally have a good time on their date. Luke and Lorelai get to hang out without any bullshit and it’s great.

Oh, no, I’m sorry. Lane’s mother sees Lorelai and storms in all freaked out and terrified just as Luke is starting to ask Lorelai out. OF COURSE. Cockblock. Lane and Rory are busted. There’s a big yelly scene in front of the theater. Skater Guy is all (read in a Wayne’s World Wayne voice) “Shhhhaaaa, bro! Rory’s mom is like, a babe!” Gross. That guy can’t even spell babe.

Lane has been banished to her room forever. Lorelai attempts to talk to Mrs. Kim but it doesn’t go well. Mrs. Kim is the Korean version of my mother. She even says a lot of the same things my mother would scream at me whenever I did something wrong, including “I don’t care what other kids do, I care what [you] do!”

Unlike my mom, Lorelai’s little talk actually seems to have some effect and Lane is allowed to go out in the front yard and use the phone. Back in the diner, Luke sort of asks Lorelai out but not really. AHH! Why can’t you two just LOVE each other already? You’re worse than Batman and Catwoman.


One thought on “Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 1, Episode 12 “Double Date”

  1. ACK, you called him Dean!! I had almost forgotten he had a real name! (not really though, because as I said in another comment I have watched this series an embarrassing amount of times)

    That weather graphic. #weatherpeen

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