Episode 13! Halfway through the first season, baby!
I was listening to the Gilmore Guys podcast and they mentioned there are 153 episodes. 153? Do you know I’ll never be done reviewing this show unless I step up my game?
Lorelai is running the town rummage sale, meaning her house looks like an episode of Hoarders. Luke drops off some stuff, including a bag of clothes, and Lorelai immediately gravitates toward the tackiest thing in his clothing bag. This woman loves rhinestones more than most drag queens.
Sookie runs in holding 4 amazing tickets to The Bangles. The Bangles? THE MOTHER FUCKING BANGLES! I’d love to see them live. Good job, Sookie.
In history class, Rory and Paris and Paris’s dumb “friends” are all assigned to be on a debate team together. Paris is pissed, probably more because Spiky Hair can’t stop
planning rapes staring wistfully staring at Rory’s head. Everyone decides to go to Rory’s house to study, because it’s an AWESOME idea to bring rich kids over to your hoarded house that features kittens in a toilet posters.
Spiky Hair approaches Paris and is all, “Hey Paris, I wish we were in the same group so you could do all my work for me and I’ll get a decent grade. Paris is all, “I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I HAVE TERRIBLE ROLE MODELS AT HOME! AND DON’T KNOW WHAT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP LOOKS LIKE!”
At the diner, Luke, he of the “Go fuck yourself, town spirit” has allowed Lorelai to put a rummage sale sign in his window. He wants this:
Rory teases him a little and he wanders off to make fresh coffee. While he’s gone, Lorelai rides in wearing Bret Michael’s idea of a cowboy hat and that Ode to Rhinestones sweatshirt she found in Luke’s donation bag. Lorelai doesn’t know this particular item of clothing came from Luke’s donation bag, and when he sees her wearing it he loses his shit. Hmmm…I like Luke, but that emotionally unstable bullshit is a red flag the size of my ass.
The ugly sweatshirt used to belong to Luke’s ex-girlfriend, Rachel. She broke his heart because she wanted to get the fuck out of Stars Hollow and she was like, “I wanna be where the people are. I wanna see, wanna see ’em dancing…”
Paris and her Mean Girl friends show up to study. The other two girls want to talk and be normal, but Paris just wants to works amongst the mounds of crap on the Gilmore’s floor. In an attempt to win Mother of the Year, Lorelai decides to give Paris and the Assholes her (and Sookie’s!!!!) tickets to the Bangles. (She also gives them a plate of PopTarts with an apple on top as a “snack.”)
Lorelai wears leather pants to the Bangles show because she is thin and can wear things like leather pants. Paris goes to the concert but refuses to have fun. Lorelai and Sookie sit in the nosebleeds while Rory and her “friends” sit close to the stage near a pre-Superman Brandon Routh. He and his buddy are in college. They, of course, hit on the teenage girls. Ewww.
The Bangles play and we get to watch the characters enjoy the music. It’s stupid yet fun. And, admittedly, I spent a long time to recreate this facial expression:
It never worked for me.
During “Eternal Flame” Lorelai discovers the Luke’s ex was really pretty. Sookie calls her jealous. Everyone laughs because it’s SO OBVIOUS Lorelai loves Luke.
Downstairs, Paris’s two friends run off with One-Time Superman and his friend. Once Lorelai finds that out, she goes to the building where they’re partying and knocks on every door until she finds them and pulls them out of One-Time Superman’s apartment. Sorry, bro. Looks like Lorelai is your dick’s kryptonite. Paris is amazed – she wonders if her mother would even bother if she were missing. Someone give Paris a hug.
Back in Stars Hollow, the rummage sale is finally going on. Luke buys magnets and Lorelai gives him back his ex-sweatshirt. They do not have sex.