EPISODE 20!!! Oh shit, I am SO CLOSE to the end of the first season. I hope this episode has more exciting plot points than last episode – the only noteworthy thing from that one was “Judgy WASP Mom wears ugly shoes.”
During the cold open, Lorelai and Rory play “One Two Three He’s Yours” which is a game where they get three chances to “find” a husband based on the random men that walk by. Lorelai gets stuck with Kirk from the supermarket and is sad. Rory gets an eyeful of Floppy and is sad.
I’ve always found the best way to start any story is from a place where everyone is sad and would like to die. It makes the audience feel good.
Discount Braff shows up again and now I’m really fucking depressed. WHY? Why is this man still on the show? Didn’t he get banished to wherever people go when they get publicly shamed? Like, where did Paula Deen go after she called out for being a butter-loving racist? Do you think there’s a room where people like Paula Deen and the Duck Dynasty guy and the OU Frat Boys have to go to wait out the shitstorm brought on by their own dumb actions and fucked up behavior? Is it a hotel hidden deep in the wilds of Montana or an abandoned missile silo in Nebraska? Regardless, I thought Lorelai and Discount Braff had decided that since he’s STILL Rory’s teacher they would thank each other for the spontaneous sex and go their separate ways. NOPE.
After making a terrible decision that will only serve to annoy the fuck out of the audience, Lorelai catches Luke coming out of a store that sells cat-themed things. This is obviously the best store that has ever been or ever will be. He’s buying a gift for the Curly Haired Plot Device that is currently living with him. Lorelai continues to disappoint and showcase her terrible judgment by hating on the cat store and tells Luke that he can’t give a cat-themed gift.
Lorelai takes Luke’s credit card and promises to buy Plot Device something nice. I hope it’s a page one rewrite.
Over at the Kim house Floppy shows up to work on Lane/his science project. Rory walks in and you can pinpoint the moment her sanity snaps.
The next day Lorelai brings everything in the mall into Luke’s diner. Mad respect – only a seasoned shopper can do that much damage in a short amount of time (source: me). She’s bought Plot Device a book and a nice camera bag. Everything else? Clothes for Luke. She wants to dress him, which is always code for “I think you are sexy but I think you could be sexier in THESE.” She puts him in this gorgeous v-neck sweater where you can just see that little v in the center of his collarbone and it’s sexy as hell. I think more men would wear v-necks if they understood how hot a little collarbone can be.
As Luke and Lorelai are playing “My First Dress-Up Ken” in the diner, Plot Device walks in. It suddenly hits all of them that this is really weird and really intimate situation for people who are “just friends.” Lorelai leaves and Plot Device is all, “I’d care about this but I’m a Plot Device.”
Lane meets Rory as she gets off the bus. Rory is already pissed off since Discount Braff decided to pretend to be in an After School Special and “rap” with the kids about feelings. Rory loses her shit on Lane. Then she loses her shit on her mom because she told Discount Braff about Floppy. Rory storms off leaving Lorelai to buy lightbulbs…but she doesn’t go home. She goes to JUDGY WASP MOM’S HOUSE. (How convenient that last episode set up Rory’s room at their house!)
Lorelai calls her mom and Judgy WASP Mom is all “She chose us, Lorelai. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. We are obviously better.” Lorelai is all “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! :kills self:”
Discount Braff is at Lorelai’s house. Question – why is the “we can’t date because you are Rory’s teacher” thing no longer an issue? They had sex and now it’s no longer a huge concern, even though it was SUCH a big deal a few episodes ago that even Judgy WASP Mom chewed her ass out after everyone found out they were dating?
After scaring Luke senseless (it’s adorable how much he cares about Rory), Lorelai goes to the market to tell Floppy that he’s the Literal Worst and should probably work dying into his schedule at some point in the near future. Floppy, always the weird kid when interacting with adults, tells her that everyone is being mean to him (somebody call the WAHHHHMUBLANCE) and that Rory didn’t respond when Floppy was all, “I LOVE YOU IM BUILDING YOU A CAR ITS NOT WEIRD WHERE ARE YOU GOING NO STOP JUST LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!”
Lorelai goes to Judgy WASP Mom’s house and takes Rory back. She tells Rory she knows about Floppy’s Overture of Love. They talk, Rory goes home with Lorelai and apologizes to Lane for being a dick.
Lorelai calls Discount Braff and promises to tell everyone in the world that they are dating. This is pre-Twitter so she has to use the phone. This does not answer my question about why it’s suddenly ok for them to date and everyone to know about it. This makes no sense. This is how I feel about this “romance”: