EXT. BEACH – DAWN
JEN lies facedown on the beach, unmoving. Her clothes are tattered, her hair wet and matted. Blood trickles slowly from the corner of her mouth and drips onto the pristine white sand. This is it. This is the end.
Suddenly, dawn BREAKS on the horizon. The sun shines onto Jen’s face. Her eyes squint in response and she raises her face toward the restorative light.
It’s over…The Discount Braff wedding arc is over…
Joyful tears pour down Jen’s cheeks. She smiles. She’s made it. She’s survived.
It’s Rory’s first day of school and she’s terrified that she’ll be late. At the diner she’s pestering Lorelai to hurry up and eat so she can take her to school (because the bus that Rory took to Chilton all of season 1 doesn’t work on the first day of school?) Luke gets a phone call and he overacts to the extreme when his sister informs him that his nephew is being sent to live with him. Is this, like, forever?
Oh, hey! Paris is in the opening credits and so is the kid that must be Luke’s nephew. But no Floppy. Poor Floppy. Already forgotten. This is most likely directly related to the surfer boy tan and the puka shell necklace he was sporting a few episodes ago.
Side note – I was reading a review of the last episode of Gotham over on io9.com. The author, Rob Bricken, writes:
So I was going to make a joke that the Ogre was Jess from Gilmore Girls all grown up, as both characters were played by Milo Ventimiglia, and because Jess was a huge asshole on GG. My wife pointed out that Jess didn’t have enough ambition to be a serial killer, however, and I had to concede the point.
Reading the name on the credits and reading this…this can’t be good. I guess he needs a name?
Luke buys all the junk food in town in preparation for his nephew’s visit. This junk food shortage will put a huge kink in the girls’ diet. They may actually starve before the town gets another shipment of Red Vines. Lorelai helps him carry all the food (without realizing that she has just been sentenced to starvation.) His 17-year-old (OH FUCK) nephew is coming to live with him forever and ever and ever. I’m sure he’s not going to have any interest in Rory whatsoever!!
Back at Rich Prison, Paris’s Great Freeze Out continues. I will give her this – bitch can hold a grudge. Rory attempts to call a truce and Paris fucks her over by telling her the wrong time of the paper’s editorial meeting.
Rory doesn’t roll her eyes until they get lodged in the back of her head like I do, she just tells Paris to fucking BRING IT because it doesn’t matter what a bitchbag Paris is, Rory wants that sweet sweet transcript cred.
Then on the way out of the newspaper room, Rory RUNS INTO DISCOUNT BRAFF. I’m sorry, I made an agreement with myself that Discount Braff would not appear on this show after last episode, and he has just violated that agreement. This is unacceptable. I am going to sue.
Back in Stars Hollow, Lorelai “meets” Jess, AKA Broody. Meet is in quotes because, again, children on this god damned show can’t act like normal kids who have had the fear of god put into them by terrifying parents. Broody just STARES at Lorelai. Broody and Floppy – All y’all motherfuckers need a week with my mother. You won’t pull the “glare at a new person who is being polite” shit after that. Trust.
Instead of rolling her eyes and wishing Luke the best of luck with the terrible ball of hormones camped out at the foot of his bed, Lorelai decides that Luke and Broody should come over for dinner! Lorelai also volunteers Sookie’s cooking services without asking – looks like the boys aren’t the only ones who could use a lesson in manners from my mom.
When Luke goes to tell Broody that they’re going to go to Lorelai’s for dinner, he’s sitting on his inflatable bed surrounded by the most stereotypical “bad teen” shit. Apparently Broody is a “bad teen” from a 1950s greaser movie. All he needs now is a switch blade and a leather jacket.
At the next editorial meeting the teacher (advisor?) tells Paris that her team is really top-notch – mostly because Rory has managed to write an amazing article on the parking lot repaving. Rory is all,
Damn straight. Except then Paris gives Rory the assignment to interview the school’s favorite teacher – Discount Braff. That’s bullshit because he’s not anyone’s favorite anything.
Luke and Broody come over to Lorelai’s for the big dinner. Broody tries to get Rory to sneak out the window with him and she declines. Instead of eating with the rest of the group, Broody cracks open a beer (REBEL! TROUBLED TEEN! BAD BOY!!!) and hangs out on the porch. Lorelai finds him and tries to talk to him. It doesn’t work. He just accuses Lorelai of fucking Luke. Maybe this kid is smarter than I’ve given him credit for.
When Lorelai tells Luke that Broody is seriously fucked up (because he’s a BAD KID!) Luke gets mad at Lorelai. Then they have their first fight.
The next day Lorelai refuses to go into Luke’s. When Rory tries to buy coffee for both her and Lorelai, Luke refuses to sell her a second cup of coffee. He’s mad but he should really apologize for being a massive tool.
Rory interviews Discount Braff but I do not care so…
After school Luke confronts Broody because he’s been stealing people’s shit. Broody is all, “No! Not me even though this perfectly plays into the BAD KID coding that the writers have literally doused me with like gleeful firefighters fighting a fucking 18 alarm fire.” Luke is over it so he pushes Broody into a lake.
Of course, Luke runs right to Lorelai. They make up. Luke then tries to get Broody to stop smoking and tells him he will stop stealing and start working in the diner. Broody does a dramatic “YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!” stomp out into town where he runs into Rory. It is discovered that Broody also likes books. We all know where this is going.