Something is seriously wrong with Spacey Grandpa. We start this episode with Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa embroiled in a fight – he’s been turning down all social engagements on their behalf, even though Judgy WASP Mom is on the committee of several of the organizations. He says it’s because he’s “too busy” to attend. Can’t Judgy WASP Mom go on her own? Or does the very idea that a woman would attend an event without her husband a clear sign of my “poor breeding?”
That is what this episode is about after all – Rory being presented to the very best of society as a lady of “good breeding.” She’s like a show pony!!
Before Rory is aware that she will agree to become a debutante by the end of the episode, she and Lorelai are having breakfast at Luke’s. Apparently there are no other places to eat in Stars Hollow because everyone in town is there and Luke, who had no problem managing this volume of customers in season 1, is now in the weeds with no way out. This is, of course, Broody’s fault. When Broody shows up, he’s wearing the newest-looking Metallica shirt I’ve ever seen. And I have seen a lot of band shirts – they’re all I wore from about ages 16 – 21. You can tell that the costume department attempted to make it look worn, but they just put white things in weird places like the shoulders (or are those holes?) while leaving the logo pristine.
Luke, Patron Saint of Lumberjacks and People Who Live in the Pacific Northwest, tells Broody that what he’s wearing isn’t appropriate “work attire.” I’m sorry, Luke, darling – but I’m pretty sure you slept in those clothes (including the hat!) before wandering downstairs to serve miracle calorie-free burgers to the Gilmore Girls. You are literally the last person on this show who should be giving a lecture on what to wear.
Judgy WASP Mom is having tea with her equally Judgy WASP Friends when Rory stops by to pick up a book. And so Rory the Debutante is born. She’ll be the prettiest girl there! Thank God, because a woman without beauty is…uhh….there’s a word for it…it’s not “an actual human being with thoughts and emotions”….it’s…worthless! There it is! I knew I’d think of it eventually!
Rory breaks the news to her mother and her mother is horrified. Rory has to reassure Lorelai that she actually wants to come out. And Lorelai is all, “Dude, if you need some guy to fuck you there are at least two dudes in town who would be up for that. You don’t have to put on a white dress and be presented to an audience like the newest iPhone at an Apple live event.” Rory quickly points out that her father has to present her at the ball. Lorelai calls C-Money and his fucking phone number has been disconnected (nice of him to call!) but there’s a forwarding number. He’s in Boston. He agrees to come to Rory’s “thing.”
Floppy is going to be Rory’s escort and he’s acting like a god damned whiny baby. “Oh, I have to wear a suit! WAHHHH, I HAVE TO WEAR TAILS!!!!” OH THE FUCKING HORROR OF DONNING A COAT FOR AN EVENING! I hate you, Floppy. You are a penis-shaped penis.
C-Money shows up in a CAR instead of on a bike and he immediately starts blasting Rammstein’s “Du Hast”. I would make fun of the fact that he’s playing Rammstein in a very respectable 4-door Volvo, but then I remember all the times I myself blasted Rammstein (or, say, Leather Strip’s “Nosecandy“) out of my parents’ 4-door Toyota Camry.
Full disclosure (that will prove just how old I truly am) – I saw Rammstein with Hanzel Und Gretyl when they toured the U.S. back in 1998.
When you are an 18-year-old American from the suburbs and angry at you aren’t sure what, seeing a German dude onstage doing this shit is pretty fucking cool.
Floppy and Rory are trying to learn to dance but Floppy needs his diaper changed so he’s not doing too well. C-Money and Lorelai are good at dancing, though. C-Money is all, “I like my job! YAY ME!” (I haven’t seen the ending of this episode yet – is he lying? On the run? Wanted by the mob???)
There has been radio silence from Judgy WASP Mom, which is weird. Something is up with Spacey Grandpa. My guess is he got fired and he doesn’t want anyone to know.
Rory is supposedly wearing Lorelai’s dress from her aborted coming out but it is the most 90s dress. I’m sure it came right out of the Delia’s catalogue. Weird vine embroidery is timeless!
Just as Rory is about to come out, Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa get into a fight. Save actual punches being thrown, with this type of public fight they could be mistaken for one of the poors! Lorelei escorts them out of the ballroom so they can scream at each other in a hallway with great echo potential. Spacey Grandpa finally tells everyone what’s been up his ass this whole episode – he lost an account and was moved upstairs. He’s being “phased out.” He’s getting too old and the company will gradually take him off accounts until he’s got no choice but to retire. Ageism is a hell of a thing. The idea that we lose our usefulness as we age is insidious and dangerous. And it’s one of those things that we perpetrate when we’re young only to fall victim to it far before we are ready.
While I do feel for Spacey Grandpa – he admits that he did the same damn thing to another man several years ago. How does sacrificing everything (and everyone) for corporate America feel now?
After the ball and after the parental fight, Lorelai tries to get C-Money to sleep with her as if she’s forgotten how she told him she wouldn’t marry him back in season 1. C-Money hasn’t forgotten, though. He’s got a “someone” in Boston. A “someone” he’s really serious about. Damn. I was really hoping I was right about some dude named Sal wanting to bust his kneecaps.
When the girls go to Luke’s for one of those miracle burgers, they find Broody DRESSED. EXACTLY. LIKE. LUKE. Ok. That is fucking funny. You may become a decent character after all, Broody.
The next day Lorelai goes to hang out with Judgy WASP Mom because she so clearly needs someone to talk to about Spacey Grandpa. They don’t talk and the episode ends.