Spacey Grandpa is stranded in Akron (yeesh) so Rory and Judgy WASP Mom decide to cheer him up with an oil portrait. So now there are three kinds of people on the entire planet who still get their portraits painted – world leaders, members of royalty, and Gilmore girls. I hope they hire this guy:
Luke is explaining the ins and outs of running a small business to Lorelai. She was really serious about that Inn thing and it wasn’t just a distraction during that one episode where she was sad that Rory would one day leave. Later, Sookie and Lorelai learn that the old lady who runs the bakery is the owner of the old Dragonfly Inn on the outskirts of town. Perhaps before going to talk to the kindly old lady Lorelai would do well to remember that she and Rory totally ate all that lady’s cake samples even though she had no intention of purchasing a cake.
When they ask the old lady if they can buy the inn, she says no because she’s still pissed off about the cake eating. They keep asking her about the property, there is this extremely long “veiled talking about death” moment and it’s just boring and unfunny and stupid.
Me waiting for this bit to end.
Also – Fran mentions she has angina and later Lorelai asks Sookie if she looked it up. Angina is what Spacey Grandpa had when he was hospitalized back in season 1. I fear her time trapped in the Discount Braff Marriage Plot has had more of an effect on Lorelai’s mental faculties than I realized.
While all of this is going on “someone” has painted a chalk outline on the pavement outside Doose’s Market. On one hand – HA! Taylor is an uptight prick who will bust a gasket. On the other hand – is this really the level of prank “someone” (read – BROODY because we all know it was him) could really play? I feel he could do better. 4/10 trolling, Broody. Everyone in town is a dumb fuck because they actually believe that this is a real body. No blood? No stains? Haven’t you people ever watched a horror movie or seen that head explode gif from Scanners?
Suddenly, Mia appears. Mia is the owner of the Independence Inn and the kindly woman who took Lorelai in when she was young. What completely coincidental timing for her first appearance on the show! Mia can’t understand a word Michele says, which is hilarious because it pisses off Michele (which he deserves.)
They go to Luke’s, where he is trying to kill himself by shoving screwdrivers into the toaster. Mia walks in and Luke hugs her but not in the way one hugs an old friend. This is the hug of a man who is greeting an old lover.
It’s a little weird, especially because it goes on for the rest of the episode. It makes serving coffee awkward.
Perhaps Scott Patterson was like, “I WILL SHOW YOU I CAN HUG SO YOU WILL GIVE ME MORE TO DO THAN STAB TOASTERS AND HOLD COFFEE POTS!! AND YELL, I DO A LOT OF YELLING IN THIS ROLE.”
I just went to Scott Patterson’s IMDB page to check the spelling of his name (I’m thorough!) and I found this:
Trivia: He is the third tallest male lead on the TV series “Gilmore Girls”, standing about 3 or 4 inches shorter than Jared Padalecki and 5 inches shorter than Edward Herrmann.
While Luke and Mia are still clinging to each other like drowning rats and Lorelai is making fun of Luke for liking Star Trek (can it, Lorelai), Taylor comes to the diner to blame Broody for the chalk outline outside his store.
Mia tells Lorelai that she doesn’t know what she would do without her because she’s such a great employee. Cue 900 tons of crushing guilt dumped upon Lorelai. Why didn’t they tell her earlier? Why is she so terrible? Why doesn’t Luke ever hug her like that?????
Luke, Lorelai, Rory, and Mia are “late” to the part of the town meeting that they weren’t invited to. It’s about “the Jess situation.” There’s a lot of yelling and some “It was better BEFORE Broody showed up!!” and Luke storms off because that’s what Luke does.
After the meeting Lorelai finally tells Mia about wanting to open a new inn. Mia is thrilled because she wants to sell her inn. Why Lorelai and Sookie don’t just buy the Independence Inn instead of harassing the cake lady is a mystery. Regardless, Lorelai feels as if she’s lost her home and FREAKS THE FUCK OUT on Sookie. Lorelai is like, “I KNOW SHIT ABOUT BUSINESS AND YOU ARE DUMB AS FUCK, SOOKIE! JESUS! I NEED TO BE AN ASSHOLE NOW JUST LIKE I WAS AN ASSHOLE THAT TIME I TOLD YOU THAT YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE YOU ARE FAT AND NO ONE WANTS TO DATE YOU AND I THINK JACKSON IS GAY MAYBE?”
It’s just this:
And a little of this:
Sometimes Lorelai is an ass. Remember the time she told Rory that Rory’s giant boobs stretch out all her shirts?
While waiting for Floppy outside the market, Rory runs into Broody. She tells him that Luke has put himself out for Broody and he’s done nothing but shit on the town and, by extension, Luke’s reputation.
Luke comes over to waterproof the chuppah and I wish that was a euphemism. It’s not. Lorelai tells him about the inn and her fight with Sookie and Luke is all, “…K.” He’s a man of few words.
Lorelai apologizes to Sookie and they decide to move forward with the Inn. I assume this will be forgotten for another 10 episodes. But before we can put this episode to bed, Judgy WASP Mom shows up at the inn to be an asshole to Mia. Gee, where on earth does Lorelai get her asshole streak? They have a moment, Mia promises to send pictures of Lorelai and Rory when they were younger, and Judgy WASP Mom leaves.
Finally, back at the diner, Broody fixes Luke’s toaster as a “sorry I made everyone in town hate you” gesture. He’s going to have to do a hell of a lot more than that.