Lorelai and Rory build a snowman in the town square as part of a town snowman building contest. If this episode was written today there would be a lot of quippy dialogue about Elsa and Anna and how Frozen is really Disney’s Godfather 3.
The girls build the crankiest of snowladies (which I adore) all while sniping about Paris and the ringer brought in by an anonymous townsperson (Taylor? Has to be) to steal the competition. I think their snowman looks like a younger Judgy WASP Mom, which must be an expression of Lorelai’s subconscious.
The Independence Inn is abuzz with activity as everyone prepares for the Bracebridge Dinner. Apparently they’re a bunch of people who like to pretend like they’re trapped in medieval times. The group has bought out the whole Inn so Lorelai and Sookie are going fucking nuts making everything look perfect. Everyone has to dress up and stay in character – even Rune, who is for some reason still on this show. Rune makes me think of Jim Norton and that is in no way a compliment.
The Bracebridge group gets snowed in and the big weird dinner thing is off. Sookie is having a sad because she worked so hard. Lorelai is ok with it because the group already paid for everything. In this universe, not only does food not have caloric content, there are no such things as refunds. Sookie wants to make dinner for her, Lorelai, and Rory. This quickly becomes her, Lorelai, Rory, Luke, and Jess and morphs into LET’S INVITE THE TOWN!! And instead of all these people going home to their nice warm beds, let’e have them all stay in the Inn so we have more towels and sheets to wash!!
In the town square, Floppy tries to stop Broody from having his scheduled Bad Boy Act Out moment. It doesn’t work. Oh man. He’s just so rebellious! Why, I bet he can’t be tamed! Maybe the love of a good woman will help him out with that?? Also – that shit only works on TV. In reality a person should never get with another person in the hopes of “saving” them from their own stupidity.
Everyone arrives at the Inn to partake in the…dinner theater? I’m still not sure exactly what’s going to happen. Everyone includes Spacey Grandpa and Judgy WASP Mom because Rory is a kind soul and felt that they should come since Spacey Grandpa is still depressed over the Great Ageist Phaseout (That He Invented Before Realizing He Too Would Be Old One Day). However, when they arrive, he seems chipper (do people still use the word “chipper”?)
Paris shows up because she needs a paycheck. Obviously, she gets to stay for the…food party thing?
Side note – I have no idea what they were doing to Alexis Bledel’s hair during this season. It spends a lot of time looking really frizzy.
Before the dinner thing there is a horse-drawn sleigh ride – which is really adorable. Luke, sans ballcap, rides with Lorelai. Awww.
(That is literally the most terrifying gif I have ever seen.)
During the sleigh ride, Luke tells Lorelai that he lied to Broody. Broody’s mom never called to ask him to come home for his winter break (gee, I cannot imagine why you wouldn’t want a great kid like Broody hanging around!) So Luke, being a compassionate person, tells Broody that he just wanted him to stay in Stars Hollow. He thinks he’s slick but Lorelai knows the truth – Broody knows that Luke lied.
Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa go on a sleigh ride and Spacey Grandpa is quite randy. Instead of being depressed, he’s horny! Good for you, Spacey Grandpa. I hate the idea that old people don’t/shouldn’t have sex. YES THEY DO/SHOULD! We are all going to be old one day and I would like to keep fucking until I can’t fuck anymore. Everyone who thinks it’s gross – by that time we’ll both be wrinkled and our eyesight will be gone! Even playing field, motherfuckers!!
Rory’s sleigh ride is terrible because she’s stuck with Broody. Except Rory likes Broody because she’s 17 and 17-year-old girls always make bad boy decisions (it’s a law.) Broody tells her that he knows Luke is full of shit. Broody then pulls the “Floppy is dumb!” card. He’s, uh, right.
Time for the dinner! Really, the only thing I can say about this scene is as follows:
There’s eating and Luke snarking and Lorelai being an ass to Kirk. It’s a regular dinner in Stars Hollow!
Everyone eats until they almost burst and people get nice and drunk. During the dessert course, Spacey Grandpa drops the “I’m Retired” bomb on everyone at the table. This doesn’t sit well with Judgy WASP Mom. Judgy WASP Mom comes to stay in Rory and Lorelai’s room because she just cannot with Spacey Grandpa. In fairness, she’s right. Spacey Grandpa didn’t tell her he was retiring, he just did it without telling her. As his wife, she SHOULD have been informed of such a large decision.
Judgy WASP Mom can’t sleep so she goes for a walk and runs into Spacey Grandpa. They talk and make up and it’s all very sweet.
The next day, everyone leaves and Floppy catches Broody and Rory eyefucking in the lobby. Oh, gee. What could possibly happen now? A love triangle? Hurt feelings? DRAMA???? Not on TELEVISION!!!!!!
Rory and Lorelai take a sleigh ride home (does Stars Hollow not have plows?) and see that the ringer’s snowman has been destroyed! By who? Oh, by Broody. Yeah, we all knew that.