Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 2, Episode 11 “Secrets and Loans”

GILMORE GIRL TIME!!! I did the math the other day and I have to review 4 episodes a week in order to finish out the series by the end of the year.

Rory gets her PSAT scores back and does well. Lorelai offers to take her to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show and tries to get Luke to dress as Dr. Frank N Furter. Not gonna lie – I’m on board to see Luke in a pair of fishnet thigh highs and little panties. I bet he’s got amazing thighs.

If this was filmed today, they’d probably replace RHPS with The Room. If you haven’t been to a midnight showing of what has been called the Citizen Kane of bad movies, I recommend going. It’s fun. Here’s a little taste of this masterpiece:

While wandering around to a musical number, Lorelai puts her foot through her porch. It’s riddled with termites and is practically falling down around them. AND! It’s going to cost $15,000 to fix. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Funny.

At school, Paris is just rubbing everyone’s face into her PSAT scores. She’s so proud…but they’re lower than Rory’s. Rory refuses to tell Paris her scores, which just pisses Paris off. This is a smart move by Rory because telling her would piss her off. ZERO SUM GAME, BITCHES!

That night, Lorelai is convinced she can hear the termites eating the house. She convinces Rory she can hear them, too, and they run to Sookie’s house. Lorelai can’t get a loan from the bank because she has no collateral…somehow? She does have a house and she could probably take out a home equity loan (they aren’t illegal in Connecticut!) but since this is written by people who live in Los Angeles, it’s written by a bunch of people who a) rent and b) make enough money to not need to worry about taking out a loan. (Was the LA housing market affordable in the early 2000s?)

Jackson is wearing pajamas with his face printed on them and I honestly would expect nothing less from him. He’s like Steve O, just with less bare ass and fewer broken bones.

The next day, the girls are at home and Madeline calls to find out Rory’s PSAT scores at Paris’s urging. I have a hard time focusing on the plot whenever Madeline appears onscreen because WHAT IS WITH HER HAIR?

Screen shot 2015-05-10 at 9.28.00 PM

Until I was in 7th grade my mother insisted on giving me bangs. She refused to take us to a stylist and cut my hair herself. It looked just like Madeline’s. I empathize.

Lorelai has been turned down for a loan by every place in town and Rory suggests asking Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa for a loan. Lorelai says no because her mother is sucking every bit of Lorelai’s soul out through her nose. Rory asks Judgy WASP Mom anyway. Oops.

Lorelai then acts exactly like Judgy WASP Mom by refusing to speak to Rory during or after dinner. Ah. Now there’s a mothering tactic I can relate to! This is one of my mom’s favorites. (Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, btw.) Lorelai then starts yelling at Rory for overstepping her boundaries, which is fair. Rory shouldn’t have said anything but they DO need the money to fix the house.

Rory meets Floppy after school and she sees Lane dressed as a cheerleader!

Rory almost dies of a heart attack and runs away screaming.

Judgy WASP Mom calls Lorelai at the Inn and tells her to go meet her bank’s president. Must be nice to know people who know people who control all the money. Us plebs would just have to live in the swiss cheese house and hope a strong wind doesn’t blow through town.

After coffee with Floppy, Lane and Rory talk about Lane’s cheerleading outfit. Rory is not ok with Lane being a cheerleader. Sometimes this show has a real “we’re not like THOSE girls” vibe that’s pretty gross and (hopefully) dated. We’ve got enough shit to deal with, ladies, let’s not rag on other girls for liking cheerleading or pumpkin spice lattes (though, in fairness, pumpkin spice lattes taste like the devil’s sweaty sweaty nutsack.)

Lorelai has Luke look under her house, and not in a dirty awesome way that would indicate fucking. No, he actually looked under the house and agrees with the assessment that she needs a lot of work done. He offers to have a contractor he knows do some work and then pay him back in installments.

LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! You sweet, wonderful, cranky man. Lorelai turns him down because that’s the right thing to do but I hope she remembers how fucking sweet it was that he offered.

Lorelai meets with the bank president because it is really fucking nice to be rich. Judgy WASP Mom is waiting for Lorelai and expects to go in the meeting with her. Lorelai tells the bank president that she wants to be treated like everyone else and he denies the application, unless she has a co-signer. Good thing Judgy WASP Mom is there! It pains Lorelai to have her mother co-sign, but shit, I don’t think she realizes how damn lucky she is that she has a parent capable of (and willing to) do that. There are a lot of people out there who don’t have that luxury.

Rory and Lorelai go to the Stars Hollow High to watch Lane cheer (which I’m surprised Mrs. Kim allows because they aren’t cheering for Jesus). They make up because it would make this show weird if they didn’t. Lorelai also makes up with Judgy WASP Mom and tells her that she’s not used to having any strings attached to helpful gestures. Judgy WASP Mom accepts and tells her that her Daughters of the American Revolution meetings will now be held at the Independence Inn. STRINGS!!!

Well, another review down, a shit ton to go!


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