Another episode, another wacky town event that everyone in town is SO EXCITED to participate in. This time it’s a spring basket thingy celebration. Dating back to olden times (or, like, the last Republican convention) the women make a delicious lunch, put said lunch into a basket, and the men bid on it! But they don’t just get a lunch that some now starving woman cooked but didn’t eat – they are entitled to lunch with the woman.
I’m surprised Lorelai doesn’t go my route – put a shit ton of Red Vines (purchased at the dollar store) into a cheap basket (also purchased at the dollar store) and then bid on it myself. Red Vines are so good that all other “licorice” should be outlawed. GTFO, Twizzlers, you waxy bastard.
Miss Patty has taken it upon herself to find Lorelai a man and sends her all their pictures and resumes (in hardcopy! How quaint!) One of the guys has seen Ghostbusters 124 times and Lorelai thinks that puts him out of the running. NOPE! That’s the best one! Date that guy! He’s got a dedication and he can commit to loving something long-term! He’s obviously the perfect man.
At the basket auction, Lane’s cousin buys her basket. She bribes him to go away so she can date that guy she danced with at the Chilton party. Floppy and Broody start a bidding war over Rory’s basket and Broody wins. That’s probably for the best – there’s no way that tiny basket had enough food in it to feed a guy Floppy’s size. Rory HAS to have lunch with Broody because eating lunch with the guy who bought your basket is an ironclad contract that you can’t get out of without a team of Harvard educated lawyers.
Jackson doesn’t bid on Sookie’s basket because he tried to hint at moving in with her and she didn’t understand what he wanted. So now he’s mad at her for his failure to say, in plain english, “I think we should move in together.” They fight. They make up. Jackson is shaken down by Kirk for Sookie’s basket and then he asks Sookie to marry him. I guess this is good? I’m more concerned that Sookie is now going to have to go through the special hell that is being a plus-sized girl trying to find a wedding dress that doesn’t make you look like you’re wearing a sack or make you look like you’re some sort of Victorian fetishist with an aversion to showing any skin other than your face.
Miss Patty’s men are all present to bid on Lorelai’s basket, which makes Lorelai run to Luke. (Does this also make Miss Patty a madam?) Luke, who would literally shoot a man in the face if Lorelai asked him to, buys her basket. I really don’t think there is anything that Luke would not do for Lorelai if she asked. Mug a guy? Kneecap Judgy WASP Mom with a crowbar? Get naked, cover himself in honey, and make out with a nude, equally sticky Kirk in the middle of town? Yes. Yes to everything.
Lane’s elaborate plan to hang out with that Chilton guy blows up in her face and he “dumps” her. Dumps is in quotes because they never went on an actual date. Poor Lane.
Luke and Lorelai eat food from Luke’s diner at the gazebo. It’s cute. He’s cute*. HAVE SEX! They don’t because Floppy shows up to whine to his girlfriend’s mother about his girlfriend. “WAHHH BROODY BOUGHT RORY’S BASKET IN THIS SEXIST EVENT AND IT CHALLENGES MY OWNERSHIP OF RORY!! OH, ALSO BROODY IS BAD FOR THE NEBULOUS REASONS KIDS HIS AGE ARE BAD! FIX IT BECAUSE YOU’RE HER MOM! FORCE HER TO DO THINGS MY WAY! WAAAAAAAAH!!!!”
Weak sauce, Flops.
* I’ve often wondered if I think Luke is cute because I started watching this show when I was 34. I assume Luke is written to be in his mid 30s and I tend to like men close to my own age. If I watched this show when it first aired, would I think one of the other guys is cuter? Would I think Floppy and Broody’s dumb teenage boy antics are “expressions of love” instead of the bullshit they actually are? Man. This show really makes you think.
Broody and Rory eat lunch on the bridge that Luke shoved Broody off of. Sigh. Memories. They actually have fun and discuss books meaning that they like each other. When she leaves, Rory accidentally leaves that weird bracelet that Floppy made her. Broody keeps it.
When Rory gets home, Lorelai is doing the typical mom thing of “hey, that kid kind of sucks so maybe you shouldn’t?” Good for her. I agree. Broody is one of those kids who is a total dick and any girls who like him will make excuses like, “his parents are neglectful!” or “he’s really not like that when you get him alone!” or “you don’t know him!!” Much like Lorelai says – I’ve been there. I know this guy. Having the feels for a dude like Broody is almost a rite of passage. He’s not a good guy to be around when you’re 16 because he’s 16 and stupid and will break your heart into a million pieces and show absolutely no remorse for what he’s done. His actions will ripple through your life for years to come and color your future relationships until you learn to avoid dudes like him. The good news – Guys like this usually grow up and get over their moody bullshit to become decent dudes in their 30s. But until then? STAY AWAY.
Rory, being a 16-year-old girl and loving the tingly downstairs feelings a guy like that can invoke, won’t listen to me or Lorelai. Judgy WASP Mom thinks you can force your daughter to stay away from guys like Broody. HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! No. That shit doesn’t work – it’ll just make her want to be with him more. All the warnings in the world aren’t going to save Rory from this. You just have to let her go through it.