The episode begins and already I’m disappointed – no weird town festival? An empty diner? Lane trapped by her mother and forced to eat Melba toast? Boo. The most interesting thing we get is a display of Luke’s hand-eye coordination when he catches the phone.
This is what would happen if I tried to catch the phone in this scene:
This is show is so strange. A lot of episodes don’t have much happen in them and sometimes we get important action (like Lorelai/Discount Braff breaking up) happening off-screen. A lot of odd choices and strange pacing on this show that, somehow, worked.
While Lorelai and Rory are watching some fat ladies cook on TV, Paris shows up to tell Rory she needs to TALK FASTER. She’s only doing 135 words a minute!! What a self-aware joke! So, I guess it’s time for me to admit something – I’ve always known that this show was famous for its fast-talking characters and quippy dialogue. I don’t know if I went in expecting more or what, but I don’t think they talk that fast. Maybe I talk fast? Maybe I’m used to TV with fast-talking characters because the Gilmore Girls dialogue was such an influence on other TV shows?
C-Money calls to tell everyone that he’s coming to visit! YAY…oh wait, no. I meant BOOOO! I hate C-Money. Maybe he’ll swing by the debate at Chilton on Friday. In my last review I mentioned the Bad Boy that will eventually stop sucking when he hits 30? That’s C-Money. Except he hasn’t stopped sucking or being a terrible father or letting Lorelai & Rory down at every turn.
The debate starts and C-Money walks in late – with a date. It’s fine that he dates as he is an adult man who isn’t in a relationship. But maybe he should have mentioned his new lady to Lorelai and Rory so they aren’t caught off guard? Crazy idea, right?
Feeling put on the spot, Lorelai invites C-Money and his girlfriend Pretty Hair back to their place. They run home and pick up the million shirts scattered about the couch. When they arrive, Pretty Hair tries WAY TOO HARD to make Rory like her and then feeds Lorelai the classic reality TV show line: “I’m not here to make friends (with you).”
Then she forces Lorelai to get Rory out of Friday Night Dinner so she can go shopping with Pretty Hair. That means C-Money will be attending Friday Night Dinner in Rory’s stead. Rory and Pretty Hair leave to buy Pantine and Lorelai and C-Money fight over a bunch of Rory/relationship shit that zzZZZZZZzzzzzz….
At dinner, C-Money drops the “I have a girlfriend!” bomb. That doesn’t sit too well with Judgy WASP Mom. She freaks out on Lorelai because it should have been her. Because Lorelai should have been the woman who forced C-Money to stop being a waste of space. Oh, Judgy WASP Mom. First, it’s not Lorelai’s (or ANY OTHER WOMAN’S) job to pull C-Money’s head out of his ass. He’s a grown ass man, getting his shit straight it just something he needs to do on his own because that’s what adults of all genders do. This idea that women need to force men into growing up needs to stop. Men aren’t fucking stupid, they can make the decision to be adults without some chick sitting prettily in the background waiting for an improvement in their behavior. And second – there are a lot of “should haves” in this world. I should have spent less time mentally ripping myself apart for being fat when I was a kid and instead used that energy to learn another language or write a novel or something. I should have realized MFA programs that fund students are a thing before deciding to go into debt I’ll never be able pay off. I should have learned that bras are made above a D cup well before age 32. But I didn’t. And screaming and yelling and “IT SHOULD HAVE BE ME/YOU!”-ing isn’t going to do shit. Life isn’t a ‘N Sync song.
The next day, Lorelai goes into Luke’s and he knows something is off. He offers to play bagel hockey with her. Aww. That’s sweet. And it came from a guy she didn’t have to prod into getting his shit together because he got it together himself like a god damned adult. Shocking. Rory tells her about her night with Pretty Hair. It sounds like it went well. C-Money and Lorelai have a chat about how Lorelai always thought that maybe he’d be the one so she sabotaged all her relationships. This is why we don’t listen to that N’ Sync song, Lorelai. C-Money gets really pissed off because Lorelai just dumped all the shit on him. He has a point. It’s fine that she came to a revelation about him but she probably could have kept it to herself. Sometimes I don’t think Lorelai realizes how self-centered she can be.