The hardest part of these reviews is figuring out how to start them. Do I talk about whatever is going on in the cold open, which is only relevant to the episode half of the time? Do I focus on the theme of the episode (which isn’t always evident in the cold open)? My life is so difficult.
Sigh. I really miss Gotham.
Luke is AWOL at the diner so Lorelai goes to find him in his apartment rather than suffer a subpar pancake breakfast (remember how I said she was self-centered?) Luke has become a hoarder after Broody’s mom shipped all his shit to Luke’s. Later, Lorelai finds Luke watching the smallest TV ever invented while sitting in the dark at the diner. There’s just not enough room for both Broody and Luke in his apartment, mostly because Broody’s hair takes up 98% percent of the space.
Lorelai tells Luke he needs to get a bigger place. He lives in an office for fuck’s sake! For her meddling, Luke forces Lorelai to hire Broody to clean her rain gutters (hey, the cold open played into this episode after all!) This leads to Rory being all “HIRE THAT BOY I WANT TO FUCK, OK?” Lorelai understands the power of dick so she hires him.
Luke has a meltdown over all the shit in his apartment and decides that they need to move.
When Broody goes to Lorelai’s to clean the gutters, he brings Rory a CD and talks about her hair. Lorelai is weird around him because she knows exactly the type of life ruining havoc he’s capable of. Rory asks Broody to try to be nice to Lorelai instead of pretending he’s a mime in an Acting 101 class.
Floppy and Rory are at the town book sale and Floppy is bored. Rory is buying all the books. I feel that – there is a Goodwill Books place by my work and every time I go in I buy like 200 books because they’re all so cheap and because I love books. BOOKS. MORE INTERESTING THAN REAL LIFE, FRIEND TO THE LONEY. BOOKS!
As Rory pays for her books, Floppy notices that dumb coin on a string bracelet he gave her is missing. Rory says something about a rash but we all know that Broody has it.
Back at home, Lorelai feeds Broody Chinese food and, to his credit, he actually tries to talk to her. Rory comes home in a panic because she can’t find Floppy’s bracelet.
The next day, Luke calls Lorelai to deliver a patented Luke Rant about renting an apartment. Parking sucks and pet deposits suck and RANT-ACT-GESTICULATE! He asks Lorelai to give him a second opinion on a place he found. It’s a nice place – hardwood floors and built-in bookcases??? I’d totally rent that place. Of course the agent thinks Luke and Lorelai are married and Lorelai plays that up – much to Luke’s horror. Secretly he LOVES IT because he LOVES LORELAI and wants to impregnate her with angry babies who wear backward baseball caps. He takes the apartment but it turns out that Taylor owns the building. We all know how well that’s going to go over with Luke.
When Lorelai arrives back at home, she finds Broody coming out of Rory’s room. Could he have been putting Rory’s bracelet back?
Yep. He put it under her bed. I guess I should say this is nice but had he given her the bracelet back after he found it none of this shit would have happened.
Lorelai, not being an idiot, calls Broody out on his assness. Except she thinks he stole the bracelet. He doesn’t exactly dispute her theory. After Broody leaves, Luke shows up to yell at Lorelai. He just spent $100k to buy the building where the diner is located. How much money does Luke have? He offered to give Lorelai $15k a few episodes back…now he’s got $100k? 100k outright, too – he mentions getting a cashier’s check for the building.
BRB, gonna go open a diner.
Luke gets home and decides he wants to cosplay as Triple H.
He grabs a sledgehammer and knocks a hole in the wall – he’s going to expand his apartment so Broody can stop sleeping at his feet like a dog. Good.
Now I want to own a diner and buy a building so I can break a wall. That sounds rather therapeutic.