We open this episode (with a filthy name, if you are so inclined – and I am) in Luke’s crumbling diner. His apartment renovation is causing plaster to fall on people as they try to cram as many pancakes as possible into their gaping maws. Add safety regulations to the list of things that don’t exist in this universe.
Actual gif of construction being (safely!) done on Luke’s apartment.
Judgy WASP Mom calls Lorelai and offers her a free stay at a spa. Lorelai happily accepts only to have her mother announce that she too will be attending the spa weekend.
Lorelai can’t even work up a smile even though she is wearing a fabulous coat. I know I give Judgy WASP Mom a lot of shit in these reviews for sometimes being a terrible human being, but Lorelai is no better at this moment. Her mother is giving her a free weekend at a spa. She’s coming along for obvious mother/daughter bonding time. At least crack a smile, Lorelai! Instead of trying to mend fences with her mother, she purposely schedules them to do opposite things just so she won’t have to sit next to her mother while getting a pedicure. She also decides that Rory needs to burn the house down and rebuild it with red solo cups because that’s what kids do when their parents are out of town.
Rory hates red solo cups so she’s decided to embark on something much more exciting than having a party – doing laundry and studying. I can’t hate on this. My husband had to go out of town two weeks ago and I made a giant pot of chicken tortilla soup, did laundry, read some old Catwoman comics, and talked to the cats like they were people. It was amazing in a “harmless weirdo loner” type of way. But Rory’s plans are probably going to be shot straight to hell because Paris got an A- on her chemistry quiz (biology quiz? Some science class. Be glad I abandoned my original plan to be a medical doctor once I realized I was shit at science. I saved many lives by not fucking up treatments due to my own incompetence. I’m a true hero.)
Back in Stars Hollow, Rory and Floppy partake in one of the most awkward kissing scenes to ever appear on television. See picture below:
Rory & Floppy in Pure Sex – The Movie.
Floppy tells Rory that he was thinking about coming over tonight, and he says it in that way guys have where they say things like “Let’s watch a movie” but actually mean “perhaps the boning shall commence later?” I have a Dude to English dictionary, I know what’s up. However, it seems like Rory is missing this particular volume from her library because she doesn’t understand what Floppy’s implying. She’s still focused on the LAUNDRY FIGHT NIGHT FUN TIMES she’s got planned. Floppy (and his penis) are sad.
During Rory’s LAUNDRY NIGHT, Paris shows up and yells at Rory because Paris is the queen of turning everything that isn’t about her into being about her. Rory tells her she’ll study with her for one whole hour or the length of time it takes to dry a load of laundry. Of course, Broody ALSO shows up with a “care package” from Luke’s. Side note – what’s with the “Indian food smells” jokes? Both Lorelai and Broody made the same joke about burning the house down due to the smell of Indian food. This is bullshit. One – its bordering on bigoted and two – INDIAN FOOD IS FUCKING DELICIOUS AND SMELLS AMAZING. Boo on that ignorant “joke.”
Broody pushes his way into Rory’s house because he has no sense of boundaries or respect. He then invites himself to dinner. Rory cockblocks him by inviting Paris to stay for dinner and now Broody (and his penis) are sad.
At the spa, something has happened to Judgy WASP Mom that is forcing her to talk constantly. Emily Gilmore is not a woman who is afraid of silence and her constant jabbering is coming off forced and false. In order to get Judgy WASP Mom back to normal, Lorelai makes her leave the spa so they can find a place that serves booze, coffee, and steaks. This is a good plan. The girls find a bar where a bunch of older people are dancing while listening to lounge singers. According to Lorelai this is a 60/40 bar – a bar where 60-year-old men hit on 40-year-old women. Is that a thing? That can’t be a real thing. One of the older men think Judgy WASP Mom is sexy – and she is! – and he asks her to dance. They dance, she freaks out because he’s not Spacey Grandpa, she blames everything on Lorelai and runs from the bar.
Back at the hotel, Judgy WASP Mom asks why Lorelai and Judgy WASP Mom can’t have what Lorelai and Rory have. Lorelai says it’s because she and Rory are BFFs. Judgy WASP Mom says she wasn’t raised to be friends with her daughter. My mom wasn’t my friend, either. She’d always say “I’m your mother, not your friend.” I still don’t know which I’d rather have.
Lorelai and Judgy WASP Mom bond over stealing a robe and run from the spa.
While this is going on Rory, Broody, and Paris argue about the beat writers of the 60s. Then Floppy calls and is all “Rory, my penis misses you. I’m going to bring him over and I’ll show you the cool trick I taught him!” Rory is all “oh, no, please don’t, I have a cold or I need to wash my hair or a bat stole all my teeth and I need to go to the emergency dentist, call you later bye!!” Floppy insists on coming to the house anyway because he has no respect or any sense of boundaries. Rory tries to kick Broody out but Broody is a dick and he stalls and makes fun of Rory for not wanting to fight with Floppy and he gets caught coming out of Rory’s house. Broody makes it worse by being a dick to Floppy because being a dick is the only way he knows to be. This is not to say that Floppy is in the right here – Rory can be friends with whomever she chooses. She’s acting so guilty here because she knows that Broody makes her hotter than Floppy’s stilted makeouts ever could and it makes her feel bad.
Floppy has a fucking fit but Paris, wonderful wonderful Paris, takes the “blame.” Poor Paris. She constructs a story about how she liked Broody and, shocker, Broody didn’t like her. No one questions this story because it’s just so easy to believe that no one will ever love Paris or find her attractive. Oh, honey. Let me hug you.
The next day, Rory discovers that Luke never sent a care package to her. Broody brought it over on his own because he wanted to see Rory (and intrude on her night and make her relationship with her boyfriend more of a dramatic nightmare than it already is.) Floppy sees them talking through the window and is less than happy. He’s so upset you can practically see the little grey cloud hanging above his head as the camera zooms out. Damn it. Now I feel bad for Floppy! Not that I think Rory/Floppy are meant to be – I don’t. But I empathize with heartbreak.
Me, feeling bad for Floppy.