Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 2, Episode 17 “Dead Uncles & Vegetables ”

The Netflix screencap as this episode loads is of Luke and Lorelai at a funeral. I’ve been to two funerals in under a month, forgive me if that colors this review.

The cold open has Lorelai snarking at her mother’s numerous answering machine messages. Sometimes I thank the powers that be that television exists – how else would today’s kids know what a fucking answering machine is? Or flip phones? Or unironic 90s fashion?


It was a magical time.

At the Inn, Judgy WASP Mom tastes several soups. She must select the correct soup to present as an offering to her DAR cronies, for if they are not satisfied they will cast drought and plague upon the crops of the locals. Sookie makes the mistake of mentioning her upcoming wedding, which makes Judgy WASP Mom decide that she needs to lend a hand and plan the wedding for her.

Luke calls to talk to Lorelai. Like, on the phone. Surprising! Shouldn’t he just barge in while gesticulating wildly? He’s calling because he needs rooms at the inn – his uncle passed away and he’s planning the funeral. Sad. Lorelai offers to help with anything, finally showing that she will help Luke if he needs. This is great because up to this point in the show it’s been Luke doing anything and everything for Lorelai with little reciprocation on her part. It’s nice to see it go the other way, though I suspect Lorelai would do far more for him if she was privy to the great shoulder-to-waist ratio Luke’s rocking in this phone scene. Pretty.

Lorelai and Rory go to the diner only to find that Luke is completely overwhelmed by the funeral planning and trying to serve his customers. The girls jump in to help him work the diner and it’s all very sweet and adorable. They’re displaying the values of FRIENDSHIP and HELPING and CARING, etc, etc.

Rory goes to find Broody because, for Rory, being around him is like being near a planet – she’s sucked into his orbit and she cannot (nor does she want to) free herself from his gravitational pull. Also her lady parts like his boy parts but she doesn’t quite understand that yet. She yells at him to help Luke and Broody makes all those put out teenager noises that teenagers like to make to signal irritation. (Is “tt” and “uhhhhhhhht” and :rolls eyes: the correct spelling of teenage annoyance?)

Luke tells Lorelai all about his uncle’s funeral and leaves to pick out a coffin. This gives Lorelai the opportunity to play diner like she was a little kid. We used to play diner when we were kids. Diner, and School, and Store. I’m sure you can figure out exactly how one plays these things. Also, I grew up in a time before internet so try not to judge our lame games. IT’S ALL WE HAD!!!

While Luke is off buying a coffin, Taylor discovers that there is a farmer’s market open in the town square. They must have filmed this scene early in the morning because I can see the actors’ breath. This show was filmed on the Warner Brothers lot in Burbank – even here in Southern California it can get cold enough to see one’s breath in the early morning. Thank god it doesn’t happen often. Fuck winter right in its cold ass.

Judgy WASP Mom appears at the Inn to meet with Sookie regarding her wedding planning. Sookie is really excited over some of the ugliest table settings I’ve ever seen.

NO.

NO.

I detest those huge ass centerpieces. You can’t see who is sitting across from you…though maybe at a function with a lot of family that’s actually a blessing in disguise?

Lorelai warns Sookie that she’s now in “Emily Land” where shit is really expensive and she should probably remember that she doesn’t have Gilmore money. Then Lorelai leaves her job to go help Luke at the diner. Leaving your job in the middle of the day to go work somewhere else and not suffering any ill effects at Job #1 = not a thing that happens outside of television shows.

Luke is moping in his apartment because no one is coming to his uncle’s funeral. SAD.

Jackson is also moping because Sookie has been turned into somewhat of a bridezilla by Judgy WASP Mom. Poor Sookie. I wonder if she’s throwing herself into the details of her wedding because it’s easier to focus on flowers than shop for wedding dresses as a woman of size. I hope to god this show doesn’t put her in a sack. If we even get to see it – sometimes these things happens off-screen.

At the town meeting, Luke tries to get the reenactors to attend his uncle’s funeral, since he was a veteran. They say no. Luke’s uncle was an asshole who no one liked – a loner, a cranky cranky loner. They didn’t mention if he wore a backwards baseball cap but the message is clear: Save the dog kicking and wife coveting, Luke is just like his hermit uncle.

Luke

At the Inn, Sookie is amazed by the internet. Remember how I said I was thankful for TV to tell kids about life before smartphones and the internet? I take it back.

Lorelai tries to stop Sookie from becoming a crazy wedding person who thinks she needs one of those super pricey weddings. Sookie wakes from her Judgy WASP Mom hypnosis and is all “WHAT THE FUCK I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY!” She cancels everything and all is right with the world…until Judgy WASP Mom finds out.

Luke calls Lorelai in a panic because his uncle’s casket won’t close. There’s too much shit in the coffin because uncle wants to be buried with all the things. Apparently Luke’s uncle is an ancient egyptian and he needs these things for the afterlife. This upsets Luke and makes him rant because that what Luke does (even when he’s not wearing a baseball cap). But he eventually buys a giant casket to hold all the shit and feels better about everything. I think I would have just said “sorry bro!!” and buried him with whatever would fit and threw everything else in the trash. But I often tell people to just leave my body in a ditch after I die because I’ll be dead and won’t actually care what happens to me so maybe I’m not the best person to leave in charge of these things.

Judgy WASP Mom comes to the diner and yells at Lorelai for taking Sookie’s wedding away because she is a Wedding Vampire who will have to find another source of taffeta. Then the conversation takes a hard turn into “YOU LOVE LUKE” town. She (ACCURATELY) insists that Lorelai loves Luke. Because she does. Because they belong together and should have all the sex. NOW KISS!

There is no kissing. Only a funeral. Lorelai and Luke in a Suit are the only attendees. Luke asks if Lorelai thinks he’s like his uncle. She didn’t know his uncle, but she says no. Because she loves him. Awwwwwww…..

The reenactors show up to the funeral because Lorelai begged them to. BECAUSE SHE LOVES LUKE!! DAMN IT! KISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

There is no kissing. There are guns (because ‘Murica) but no kissing.

Back at the diner, the whole town has turned out to give Luke’s uncle a wake because everyone loves Luke. They tell stories about Luke’s uncle and everyone is happy and there is togetherness and other shit that people are supposed to value when living in a small town. It’s nice.

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