It’s the morning after the dance marathon and the girls are having problems walking, talking, and combining their psychic powers to move Luke’s closer to them. What they really need is the power of instant transmission.
Currently debating if the ability for both Rory and Lorelai to go Super Saiyan would be the greatest thing to happen to this show or the worst. (Full disclosure – I used to be so into Dragonball Z. We can’t even talk about it. Love the whole thing up to the end of the Cell Saga. Everything after (especially fucking Saiyaman) can eat all the dicks.)
Lorelai and Rory stagger into Luke’s. Lorelai is bitching about her feet but she’s also wearing heels. As any woman knows, heels are the most comfortable, practical footwear around. Kirk brags about his
new girlfriend trophy. As the girls try to shove donuts into their face holes at a rate that would put Kobayashi to shame, Broody walks in. He and Rory make fuck eyes at each other before they both leave to go to “school.” School. Right.
Luke is thrilled by this development because he’s vicariously living his “banging a Gilmore Girl” dreams through Broody. Lorelai is less than thrilled, though she does say, “She’s 17. It’s probably time for a Jess.” RIGHT? It’s not OMG TRU LUV 5EVA but 17-year-olds need to date that bad boy with the nice hair.
At Friday Night Dinner (it’s been so long since they’ve had one of these!!) Judgy WASP Mom is upset because the cook has put walnuts in the salad. She had her remake the salad 4 times in an attempt to correct this egregious salad error. Rory and Spacey Grandpa make a run for it and they end up in the kitchen discussing how much Spacey Grandpa loved his time at Yale. His father went to Yale, did you know that? Conveniently, Spacey Grandpa just HAPPENS to be going to Yale next week for a reunion of his singing group called the, shit you not, “Wiffenpoofs”. I have no idea if that is spelled correctly but I’m going with it.
Spacey Grandpa invites Rory and Lorelai to go to Yale with him. Rory acts like he just asked her to strip at his next office party but agrees to go anyway. When she tells Lorelai, Lorelai practically burns the house to the ground with the rage echoing in her eyes. Lorelai acts like this is the WORST thing to ever happen, even worse than when Kirk won the dance marathon or when someone she loved died that one time. Rory talks her out of throwing the kamehameha right through Judgy WASP Mom’s kitchen.
At the diner, Luke is so happy that Broody is doing what he never could – get some Gilmore ass. Broody shows up and is all, “I have a book upstairs to give you. It’s about 5 inches long and shaped like a bratwurst?” Rory is all, “I have been waiting my entire life to see that book. Let’s go look at it!” They run upstairs and try to make out but awkwardness and Luke put a stop to all of that.
Rory runs away but Broody isn’t so lucky – he gets the “THIS DOOR IS TO REMAIN OPEN WHEN SHE IS UP HERE!” speech. We’ve all gotten that speech. It’s as much a rite of passage as getting your heart broken for the first time. Then he starts laying down the ground rules of how Broody will treat Rory, almost as if he is Rory’s father. When he’s done, he looks SO PLEASED with himself. It’s ridiculous because Luke has never been happy about anything on this show. It’s creepy.
Before going to Yale with the grandparents, Rory and Lorelai get into a discussion about Broody. Rory says that her mom sees Floppy as perfect and Broody is evil. Floppy is the farthest thing from perfect. He’s a decent high school boyfriend but he was also somewhat controlling and moody. Team No One. Team Rory and A Career Until She Meets A Good Partner At Age 28+.
At Yale, Judgy WASP Mom tells the girls about how much of a player Spacey Grandpa was in his day. Fuckin’ high five, Spacey Grandpa. I hope your college years were full of all the beer, singing, and ladies that a person could ever want.
Spacey Grandpa counters with how Judgy WASP Mom “stole” him away from his fiancée by showing up to a party in a blue dress. She was the Monica Lewinski of her day.
Everyone is having a wonderful time touring Yale until Spacey Grandpa takes Rory to meet the Dean of Admissions. He’s friends with him and he thought that it would be awesome to spring a surprise admissions interview on her. When Rory goes into the interview and Lorelai loses it on her father. And he’s such a dick in this scene, too – he plays the part of a pompous asshole who thinks he knows what’s best for everyone. He uses phrases like “this is for her own good” and “she doesn’t know what she wants.” Nothing is more fucking frustrating that some paternalistic jack ass thinking he knows better than everyone else in the room.
Lorelai cannot and she storms out to call a cab. Judgy WASP Mom follows her to tell her that her father’s intentions were honorable. Gee, that makes the lying and manipulating SO MUCH BETTER!! As long as your intentions are good it doesn’t matter if you destroy everything around you!
Why couldn’t he ask Rory if she wanted to take a meeting with Yale? Twenty bucks says she would have done it, even though Lorelai would have hated it.
In the next scene, Rory proves me right (and wins me $20!! Please send all money to:
Jen Needs Money
PO Box 23
Sad Sack Town, Broke Ass State, Number Number Number Number Number.)
She tells Spacey Grandpa that she would have taken the meeting had he just asked, but she would have preferred to wear a better outfit and actually prepare for the interview. Then her and Lorelai spend way more than $20 to get back to Stars Hollow. When they get home, they take tacos they purchased from another restaurant into Luke’s. They are such assholes. It’s ridiculously entitled to assume you can take food purchased in another restaurant into a place you like better and then tie up a table (and demand salsa!)
Broody goes to get a part for his car. Rory goes to study. Lorelai has to tell Luke that neither kid actually needed to do those things and now they’re probably laying on top of Miss Patty’s ancient dance mats with their hands down each other’s pants. Luke runs out to find them while Lorelai rolls her eyes at him.
Rory finds Broody leaning against a gas pump with an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He second guesses lighting it before Rory walks up, thus preventing the gas pump from exploding and leveling the town. And that’s how Rory Gilmore saved the town of Stars Hollow.
Rory and Broody kiss. Thank God they have more chemistry than Rory and Floppy – they always looked like they were practicing kissing on their pillows. This moment is supposed to be one of those OMG moments but all I can focus on is the absolutely terrible choice of using XTC’s “Then She Appeared” as the soundtrack.
No. Nope. Abosultely not.
Instead of staying to kiss her new boyfriend, Rory runs off to climb up Floppy’s drain pipe and knock on his window. She has to tell him that she’s sorry and she really did love him and she hopes he won’t hate her forever. Jesus, Rory. Just take the fucking hit and let the kid tend to his wounds in peace. Or at least wait a few days before you pull that shit. Advice – never keep anything more than required contact with an ex. Once that relationship is over, as long as there are no children involved, make it a clean break. Delete all the numbers, unfriend them on all social media platforms, and be done with it. It’s easier and it gives you time to actually get over them.
We end the episode with both girls independently looking at Yale pamphlets. Uh oh. Does this mean Harvard is out of the question?