We begin this episode with the girls watching Grey Gardens. This show’s love of camp rivals that of some drag queens.
I relate to the women of Grey Gardens because of their enduring love of cats. However, I insist upon litter boxes and strict maintenance of said litter boxes.
Looking up that gif of Jinkx Monsoon as Little Edie sent me down the YouTube hole of various drag queen videos. Does every queen from RuPaul’s Drag Race put out an album after the show? Yes. Will I watch every video they make? Yes.
Sookie is freaking out and yelling at everyone at the Inn. Thanksgiving is a few days away and she is feeling the turkey-sized pressure. She’s not working this Thanksgiving, which has turned her into a crazy person. Or into Little Edie from Grey Gardens – she, too, would feel digging through the trash is an excellent idea. I kind of hope this episode abandons all pretense and ends with Sookie, Lorelai, and Rory wearing elaborate furs and yammering on about cats. 10/10 would watch.
As Lorelai is trying to talk Sookie down from her current fugue state, Judgy WASP Mom saunters into the kitchen like she owns the place. Lorelai has been avoiding Friday Night Dinners ever since Spacey Grandpa ambushed Rory at Yale (good call.) Judgy WASP Mom insists that Lorelai and Rory come to her Thanksgiving dinner because they are going out of town for all of December. Even though the girls have plans, they will be at Judgy WASP Mom’s Thanksgiving. That sounds like its own special circle of hell. Good luck with that one, kids.
Things aren’t looking quite so good for Paris – she wants to volunteer at a soup kitchen but every place she’s called has too many volunteers. She just wants to put volunteer work on her application for Harvard, is that so wrong? She truly is at the forefront of a new generation – a bunch of kids who do shit they hate just to put it on a college application. I think that’s all being a kid in an upper middle class neighborhood is about these days, right? Doing things you have no interest in so your parents can put it on your application to the next “important” school that will guarantee your future staring at a spreadsheet in some post-modern office building in, like, Cleveland or some shit. You really wanted to major in dance, but dance doesn’t pay (’cause fuck art, amirite?) so you got a STEM degree like all the fucking older people told you to, and now you spend your life in pointless meetings and answering emails at 2 a.m. about office supply orders because technology means you can work ALL THE TIME! At the same time, politicians will talk about how Real Americans don’t want “hand-outs” like health insurance, job security, or even a living wage. What are you, a taker? Keep striving, Paris! One day you too can be burnt out by 30 and completely disillusioned by late capitalism, stagnant wages, and the erosion of the middle class!
Back in Stars Hollow, Lorelai and Rory realize they’re scheduled to attend 4 separate Thanksgiving dinners – Sookie’s, Lane’s, Luke’s, and now, Judgy WASP Mom’s. That’s a lot of turkey. They run into Kirk coming out that great cat store that I would live in/own. He’s adopted a cat! A cat named Kirk! Cat Kirk!
This is what comes up when you google “Cat Kirk.” It’s fucking adorable.
Rory notes that Kirk has always been a cat person, he’s just never had a cat. This show loves to shit on women and their child-rearing/birthing choices and cat people. As a lifelong Cat Person myself, I feel they’ve done what so many people before them have done – decide they hate cats without really knowing what it’s like to have a cat. This is a mistake. Cats control the internet, and one day they will control the world. it is unwise to anger our furry overlords.
At the diner, Lorelai tells Luke that they can’t come to his Thanksgiving feast due to the WASP hijacking. Luke runs away crying so Lorelai pretends to call her mom and “clarify the schedule.” They can come after all! Aww, she really does love him. Rory asks Lorelai how they, two women immune to calories, will be able to eat 4 Thanksgiving dinners. Lorelai reminds her that they technically have 4 stomachs so they’ll be fine. Also, since they physically cannot absorb any of the calories from the food, it’s not like they’re going to get fat.
On Thanksgiving, they stop by the market to buy flowers and cranberry sauce. Lorelai goes inside while Broody sneaks up behind Rory and does a run-by smooching. Rory can’t kiss him in front of the market because she’s worried that Floppy will physically explode from rage, which would just ruin everyone’s day (not to mention stain a lot of shit) so she drags Broody behind a plant before she’ll kiss him. Broody gets pissed about this and wonders why the hell they can’t just kiss in the street like normal people instead of hiding behind shrubbery.
Rory is all, “NI, I mean, NO! FLOPPY MIGHT SEE US! THOUGH, ADMITTEDLY, IT’S PRETTY HARD FOR HIM TO SEE WITH ALL THAT FUCKING HAIR IN HIS EYES.”
In the market, Lorelai talks to Floppy about how they’re still “pals.” No, grown ass woman, you are not “pals” with a 17-year-old boy. Responsible adult acquaintance, yes. Pal, no. She tells him they didn’t “break up,” which is creepy, but it seems to make Floppy feel better? Gross.
Dinner #1 is at Lane’s house. Mrs. Kim is completely baffled by Lorelai’s gift of a chocolate turkey because she is obsessed with health foods. She’s also obsessed with Jesus, and she’s enlisted the help of Good Christian Dave to play hymns while people try to pretend to eat tofurky.
Dinner #2 is at Sookie’s. Jackson has decided to deep-fry their turkey so Sookie is slipping further and further into a suicidal funk. I’ve heard deep-fried turkey is actually delicious, but I’ve also heard a lot of people set their homes on fire trying to use the deep-fryer. Jackson is exactly the kind of person I would expect to set the whole town on fire. Jackson’s friends are all about as smart as he is, so I’m guessing everyone will die at the end of this episode. Maybe someone will lose an appendage!
Even though she’s very upset, Sookie looks beautiful in this scene. Lorelai decides the best way to cure Sookie’s depression is with alcohol.
Dinner #3 is at Luke’s. Luke is perplexed by flowers because he’s an idiot. Human Kirk has been shredded by Cat Kirk, and Babette and Maury are torn on who to support in this fight. Kirk is Kirk, but cats are cats. It truly is a Sophie’s Choice situation.
Broody comes to join them for dinner and he gives Rory a typical “there are a shit ton of people here” kiss. Luke goes to get more marshmallows in a vain attempt to fill the bottomless pit that is Lorelai. She, like a cheap chocolate Easter bunny, is hollow. It is the only way to explain how she can eat so much. Broody goes to fill up people’s coffees. That’s when Lorelai tells her daughter that Rory and Broody shared a “lame-o kiss.”
Don’t give your daughter kissing tips. It’s gross. Focus on maintaining a three-dimensional shape after be filled with marshmallows and tofurky.
Rory complains that the whole town is watching her and Broody. Lorelai tells her not to worry, then Babette tells Rory she doesn’t know how to kiss. BRB, VOMITING FOREVER.
Dinner #4 is at Judgy WASP Mom’s house. I hope Lorelai has room in her hollow self for the hefty helping of parental anger that is surely coming her way.
The grandparents introduce Lorelai and Rory to their company, including two French people who are probably horrified by all the food Americans shove down their gullets on Thanksgiving. At dinner, after the “ceremonial” carving of the turkey, everyone wants to know where Rory has applied to school. Harvard, obviously. Oh, and Yale. Lorelai didn’t know that. Somehow Lorelai missed the checks that she had to write to pay the application fees to all the other schools Rory applied to.
She also thinks that Rory shouldn’t apply to any other schools other than Harvard, which is fucking stupid. You ALWAYS apply to more than one school! I applied to 8 schools. I got into all 8. I went to the state school near home instead of the place I really wanted to go because $$$.
When she learns that Rory applied to Yale, Lorelai loses her shit and blames her father for “forcing” Rory to apply there. She blames Judgy WASP Mom for suggesting that Rory could live at home while attending school, even though Judgy WASP Mom never mentioned it to Rory. When Rory says that she made the decision to apply to Yale all on her own, Lorelai tells her she was manipulated by her grandparents.
I’ve mentioned this before, but I listen to the Gilmore Guys podcast. I watch the episode, write the review, and then download the podcast episode where they talk about the TV episode I just reviewed. In the episode for Season 3, Episode 8, their guest was Jamie Woodham and he mentioned that we’re starting to see how Lorelai is not the most reliable narrator for her own life. Maybe her parents weren’t as bad as she says they were. Maybe she misremembered events to make it seem like they’re worse than they are. Interesting idea.
Back at Lane’s, the charade to make Mrs. Kim believe that Regular Dave is Good Christian Dave is going well. He “forgets” his Bible and Lane runs it out to him. They kiss (by another shrubbery!) and David Bowie’s “Man Who Sold the World” plays. I love Bowie (JARETH) but I knew Nirvana’s cover of this song before I knew Bowie’s original. Just like every teenager in 1993-1994, I was obsessed with Nirvana. I still remember my friend calling me in a panic when she heard that Kurt Cobain had killed himself.
I wonder what Kurt Cobain would be doing today if he were still alive. Still putting out music a la Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam? Making wine in Arizona like Maynard James Keenan? Winning Oscars for scoring David Fincher movies like Trent Reznor?
Damn. Now I’m sad. I’m going to have to go watch the only video that always makes me feel better:
After dinner, the girls walk through town and Lorelai tries to be ok with Rory applying to Yale. They go back to Sookie’s, where Sookie is drunk and Jackson is deep-frying all the things. They get out of there before Jackson decides to deep-fry one of them and go to Luke’s. Rory lays a big fat “I want to fuck you” kiss on Broody, which Floppy sees. Naturally. Actually, maybe he could learn something from it, considering he kissed Rory with about as much passion as you would use to kiss a wall.
Floppy suddenly grows a set of obnoxious balls and tries to get Broody to fight him. Ok. Completely out of character for the previously dumb and passive Floppy but I guess we need more DRAMA!!! Broody, for once, is the reasonable one. He tells Floppy to go home, Floppy says THIS IS MY TOWN!!!! Floppy – You literally moved to town one season before Broody did. This is like that guy who moves to some big city and starts talking about how it’s “changed” and “played out” after living in some relentlessly hip neighborhood for six months. Yes, oh wise sage, tell us of the Good Old Days from six months ago when that yogurt shop was the same yogurt shop but it was painted a different color.
The girls demand Luke give them more food to fill the insatiable black holes they call stomachs. They walk home, pleased with their Thanksgiving. Nearby, Kirk’s dignity is struggling to escape the black hole buried deep inside Lorelai. But its trapped. He lies on a park bench and sobs empty sobs.