We begin this episode with both Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa laughing at Rory and Lorelai. The girls are planning to backpack around Europe after Rory graduates college, and this is apparently the funniest thing since the last Louis C.K. special. When the girls tell them that they’re serious, the pearl clutching commences post-haste.
At what point do we tell Lorelai that most hostels have an age limit?
Floppy is now working with the construction crew renovating Taylor’s soda shoppe. Floppy’s hard hat sits a good six inches off the top of his head and it can be assumed that this is because his hair is preventing it from sitting normally.
He goes to get lunch from Luke’s and just misses Broody making fun of Luke for trying to find a good restaurant to take Pretty Lawyer to. He’s reading a book about restaurants, which just makes us internet-savvy people with our Google and Yelp and Open Table laugh and laugh and laugh. How did we even survive back then? Truly, it is a miracle that I am still alive after going through most of high school sans internet connection.
Broody and Floppy snap at each other over the lunch order for the construction crew. These two have more chemistry together than they do when paired with Rory. Can we get a spin-off where Floppy and Broody move to New York together and Broody struggles to get his writing recognized by the establishment while Floppy supports them by working a union job as a trash collector? Every night, as they swelter through the summer in their stuffy studio apartment with the leaking air conditioner, Floppy tells Broody that he believes in him…he believes in THEM.
At the Inn, there is some inconsequential party planning going on that requires gold clubs hung from the ceiling. Rory shows Lorelai the invite she received for Pretty Hair’s c-section. Yes. Rory has been invited to a c-section. This show loves to judge when it comes to women and babies, but, come on. A c-section party? No one wants to hang out at a hospital if it can be avoided.
Judgy WASP Mom sends the girls a box full of travel books that were already outdated when they were published. This segues into a flashback of Lorelai and C-Money when they were in high school. It’s jarring – this show isn’t a flashback kind of show. This isn’t Arrow, we’re not tied to the island for three fucking seasons (which, fuck that island and the dumb Ollie in China with Amanda Waller stuff. It got really boring towards the end.) We learn that Lorelai and C-Money were supposed to go backpacking when they graduated high school. Obviously, that didn’t happen. This raises the question – has Lorelai raised Rory as “Lorelai 2.0” – she’s going to Harvard (like Lorelai wanted to), she’s backpacking through Europe (like Lorelai wanted to)? Is Rory’s life really her own? Deep shit, man.
At school, Paris is still being a spiteful bitch for no reason. After discovering Paris selected a yearbook picture featuring Fucked Up Face Rory, Rory gets a phone call. It’s Pretty Hair’s friend. Pretty Hair has gone into labor and the woman on the phone keeps saying that Pretty Hair “screwed up” by going into labor a week before her scheduled c-section. The “Not Like Other Girls” syndrome is on full display here. Obviously, the Gilmore Girls (and, it could be argued, Amy Sherman-Palladino) would NEVER schedule a c-section! And they’d NEVER treat a baby like a scheduling error, like THOSE WOMEN (who probably don’t actually exist outside a panicked New York Times trend piece.)
In another flashback scene, Judgy WASP Mom is rocking some 80s shoulder pads and longer hair. Lorelai should be posing for her coming out portrait but her dress won’t fit (except it “won’t fit” in a TV way – you can tell the actress can zip that dress and probably have some room to spare but we’re supposed to pretend we don’t notice.) Judgy WASP Mom is horrified that the dress doesn’t fit and tells Lorelai to run around the block so the next dress will fit, which is a terrible thing to say to your teenage daughter. Lorelai realizes that she doesn’t fit into the dress because she’s pregnant.
Remember when Rory came out and there was a reference to her wearing Lorelai’s old coming out dress? Yeah, no:
Lorelai goes to Luke and demands coffee for her drive to Friday Night Dinner. Luke isn’t wearing his Luke uniform – he’s all shaved up and wearing nice clothes and he looks taller and broader than normal. Pretty Lawyer walks in and takes a call in the diner, which Lorelai is scandalized by as Luke doesn’t allow cell phones. Luke leaves with his date and Lorelai looks upset, probably because she realizes she’s not the center of Luke’s universe at this particular moment.
Rory gets to the hospital and there’s more “Not Like Other Girls” stuff with Pretty Hair being beside herself because the baby is coming early. C-Money is out-of-town because of course he is. C-Money is the human equivalent of an irregular period. He’s unpredictable, he only shows up when you don’t want him to, and he’s annoying the entire time.
Lorelai goes to dinner and pesters her mother about what she does when Spacey Grandpa is out-of-town. It leads to another flashback of C-Money’s parents and Lorelai’s parents discussing the problem of Lorelai’s pregnancy.
C-Money’s dad thinks Lorelai should get an abortion, which Judgy WASP Mom won’t hear of. That explains a lot. Spacey Grandpa thinks marriage is a good idea but….dude. Come on. They’re 16. Even as C-Money says that the plan sounds ok, Lorelai is all, “uh, we’re 16, bro – you’re gonna want to drink beers with your dumb frat brothers and fuck some chick you met at a party and stay up all night just because you can.” You know what would have been a good idea?
:Plays heavenly music while gazing upon the beauty that is the modern condom:
I’m sure there are plenty of “but it feels better without a condom!” people out there. And, yeah, it does. But you know what feels even better? Not getting pregnant at 16. Not catching an STI from a one night stand.
C-Money still isn’t at the hospital so Pretty Hair nominates Rory to accompany her into the delivery room. She freaks out and calls Lorelai to have her come to the hospital. This doesn’t sit well with Judgy WASP Mom, who would probably be ok with children starving to death as long as it made a point for her. This leads to another flashback of the night Lorelai had Rory. Lorelai went to the hospital by herself, which is terribly sad, but I have to ask WHY. Where is C-Money? Why didn’t she call him? What about her parents?
Lorelai gets to the hospital and stops Pretty Hair from faxing things to people. America – where we will gladly work ourselves into the ground regardless of anything else happening in our lives. C-Money shows up and is Jackson-like in his speech and mannerisms. We get another flashback of Lorelai in labor – her parents didn’t bring her to the hospital because she didn’t tell them she was in labor. She left them a note. Judgy WASP Mom is pissed, but she’s too focused on yelling at Lorelai to actually be supportive of her situation.
Back at Luke’s, Luke and his date have come back for a nightcap. Everything is going well until Broody demonstrates just how completely unexperienced and not-smooth he is. “I’m gonna go out…for about an hour…so you guys can FUCK.” It’s adorable that he tries to be a “bro” for Luke, but he’s still a kid.
After the baby is born C-Money is really happy. Much happier than he was when Rory was born. He doesn’t seem to pick up on Lorelai’s distress, but that’s what human periods do – make your life fucking miserable and delight in causing you pain.
We get another flashback of the night Lorelai left her parents house. Until now, I had always assumed that she’d been kicked out. It doesn’t seem like there was a catalyst for her leaving other than she just wanted to. Maybe this dress was the reason?
#Sleeves #Volume #WholeLotOfLook
This flashback is intercut with Lorelai bringing Judgy WASP Mom a DVD player. Is that a “I’m sorry I ran out with no explanation when I was a kid, please accept this DVD player as a token of my sincere apology”? Lorelai may be on to something – I know I’d accept a lot more apologies if they were accompanied by gadgets.