This episode begins the morning after the punchy punchy fight fight moment from last episode. Lorelai is SO HAPPY that her daughter was at a party where there was underage drinking and a literal fist fight. She asks for details and Rory is all, “idk, dudes and hitting, nothing to do with ME or the ridiculous idiots I’ve been romantically involved with.” And she almost gets away with it until Luke slouches into frame. Seriously, dude walks like a hunchback.
Luke tells Lorelai that Broody was involved in some sort of “scuffle” so Rory has to admit that Floppy and Broody came to fisticuffs over her. Lorelai immediately sits Rory down and talks to her about the kinds of choices she’s making when it comes to men – dumb and/or distant is one thing, stupidly violent is another.
Oh, no, just kidding – Lorelai literally sings her praises because you really aren’t worth anything as a woman unless dudes commit property damage in your name while trying to kill each other.
Sookie wants to teach a naked couple in flimsy robes how to cook so she invites them to her house, which, no. Lane is wondering why her mother is acting weird after her drunken phone call. It’s because Mrs. Kim contains multitudes and cannot be explained.
At the diner, it’s crazy busy and Broody somehow manages to serve food with his broken hands. He’s snippy to the customers, especially to one dude who only wants coffee and insists on tying up a table instead of sitting at the counter. Taylor wanders in singing “The Candy Man Can” like a mental patient because he’s finally going to open his soda shoppe. He address the diners and they actually pay attention and clap. THEY’RE PARTICIPATORS! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Luke comes back to the diner and Broody doesn’t realize where he’s been. When Luke tells him he’s going to pay back Kyle’s parents for all the damage he caused, he’s like, “FLOPPY DID IT, TOO!” I am going to assume that as terrible a mother as Broody’s mother is, she must have pulled out the old “and if all the other kids jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?” When he was 7. Which is the last age “HE DID IT TOO!!” can be considered an actual defense. Yeah, Floppy did it, too. But Floppy, upon realizing he was a shit steak, or after his parents pointed out he was a shit steak, tried to make up from his mistakes IN PERSON. Broody just thought he could walk away and Luke would never find out, just like he thinks he can fail out of high school and no one will ever find out. Broody is book smart as hell, but damn if he isn’t dumb when it comes to consequences.
He then tells Luke he needs to get more coffee from the back…while standing in front of two huge coffee grinders full of coffee beans. While Broody is in the back, the guy who hogged a table to just drink coffee runs from the diner but leaves his wallet. Luke tries to catch him but fails, and then he looks at the driver’s license with a very angry scowl. Ok. So who is this guy? Predictions:
- Pretty Lawyer’s husband
- C-Money with a new face
- Luke’s old boyfriend he never told anyone about
Lorelai finally calls Judgy WASP Mom. She answers while gardening, something she looks great doing. Kelly Bishop should embrace the hat, she looks amazeballs:
Sookie, on the other hand, looks like she threw on a pair of rain boots without realizing she didn’t need them:
Who is responsible for dressing Melissa McCarthy because they have been doing a terrible job the last few episodes. I wonder if this, plus the treatment she received from designers for having the audacity to want to wear pretty clothes while fat, inspired her to create her clothing line?
I cannot wait to own this outfit.
That picture makes me rethink my stance on red lips at work. Maybe I should go for it.
As they talk about Lorelai’s phone call with Judgy WASP Mom, they pass Weston’s and see that Fran, the rickety old biddy who owned the place, has died. (FUN FACT – the search phrase “unfuckable old biddies” led someone to this very blog. I don’t think I ever used the term “biddies” before, but I don’t want to disappoint that person.)
They’re sad about Fran but super excited because they might be able to buy the Dragonfly Inn! Sookie also worries that they killed Fran because they wanted the inn so badly, but that’s probably because she doesn’t know that Fran was a fucking MILLION YEARS OLD.
Back at Lane’s, Argyle Dave shows up in a suit to talk about why he’s great and should be allowed to take Lane to prom. Carbonation freaks him out? Is that a thing? That can’t be a thing. Mrs. Kim quotes something neither he nor Lane understands and he runs off to figure it out.
Then we’re in a hotel room with that dude from the diner? Luke knocks on the door…OMG LUKE’S HERETOFORE UNMENTIONED EX-BOYFRIEND FOR THE WIN??? Oh, no. It’s Broody’s dad. That guy is Broody’s dad? That guy. I’m supposed to believe that guy sired the very Italian-looking Milo Ventimiglia? Oh, honey, NO. I look more like Broody than this schmuck does.
Not Italian Dad just stopped by because he was passing through Stars Hollow and wanted to see Broody. Broody didn’t recognize him, so obviously they were close when Broody was younger. Luke threatens him because that’s what Luke does.
The next day(?) is Fran’s funeral. Lorelai helps Miss Patty to the church and she says that she’s so glad she had a shit ton of sex when she was younger. Fuck yeah, Miss Patty. I’m glad you had all that sex, too.
At the funeral, the mic cuts out as Fran’s friend talks about the Dragonfly Inn. There is a guy there who is handling Fran’s affairs, which means he know what’s going on with the Inn. Sookie and Lorelai decide to “hover” in his vicinity until they can talk to him, except hovering means walking alongside the casket and harassing him because he’s a PALLBEARER.
Not on this show!
Fun fact – the guy who plays Fran’s estate guy? He’s Melissa McCarthy’s real life husband! (And she looks very nice in her black dress, even if she is wearing ugly shoes and a pair of bootcut PANTS under the dress.)
Rory runs into Floppy outside the funeral and instead of apologizing for the bullshit at the party, he tells her that he asked Britney Spears circa 1999 to marry him.
You motherfuckers are 18! ARE YOU NUTS? Yeah, that isn’t going to work.
Floppy does say that Broody treats Rory like dirt. Rory is like, “NUH UH!!!” but..uh…yeah, he totally does.
Argyle Dave shows up at the Kim house because he doesn’t know what Mrs. Kim meant. It wasn’t a Bible quote, it was Shakespeare. And he can take Lane to the prom. Aw, adorable. See, Argyle Dave isn’t a distant douche who places his own fuckedupedness over his interactions with literally everyone around him. Broody could learn something from him.
Later that night, Broody is cleaning up the diner when Not Italian Dad walks in. He’s all, “according to the casting directors, I’m your father.” Broody is all, “…ok, whatever, we get paid either way.” They awkwardly sit at a table together until Not Italian Dad runs away. Broody can’t catch a break in the parent department.
On the way home from the funeral, Lorelai points out a nice dress and asks Rory if she wants to try it on. Rory freaks out and starts yelling about how she’s probably not going to the prom because of the fight and that thing where Broody thought walking into a bedroom = hardcore banging. Lorelai drags Rory into the car and makes her tell her what happened. But before all that, Rory says everything I’ve been saying – she’s tired of Broody being fucking Broody. And Lorelai tells her that she can’t make Broody talk and he’s a complete dick for getting mad at her for not having sex…but of course no one knows if that’s why he’s mad because he’s too busy playing the “I’M COMPLICATED AND MYSTERIOUS BECAUSE I KEEP MY EMOTIONS INSIDE!” card. It gets old. It IS old. Barring a huge growth moment for this character, I can’t see him sticking around much longer.
At Luke & Broody’s apartment, Broody thinks he can confront Luke about not telling him his dad was in town. Sure, Luke should have told him. But Broody didn’t tell Luke shit all season and now he expects transparency? LOL. Keep dreaming, ass. They start yelling at each other and Broody tells Luke he’s not going to graduate, which pisses Luke off. But, to Luke’s credit, instead of kicking Broody out immediately (because the deal was he could live with him if he worked at the diner and graduated high school), he tells Broody that he’ll live there another year and go back to school. Luke is the only adult in Broody’s life who is trying to provide that solid home life kids need to succeed. He’s fighting for him. Broody doesn’t see what a gift that is and he refuses to go back to school. And Luke, again like a great parent should, he holds his line and shows Broody that what he says he means by kicking him out. Broody needs to understand that there are consequences to his actions. Even though Luke doesn’t want to kick Broody out, he said he would do it. As a parent, you need to show your kids that you will follow through with your threats. Even if it breaks your heart.
The next morning, Rory is on the bus to Hartford (I assume) when she sees Broody sitting in the back with his nose in a book. We all know why Broody is on the bus, but she doesn’t. And even this moment, a moment where he’s got nothing else to lose, the moment that could have been the growth moment his character needs – he can’t be honest with her. He tells her he can’t go to the prom because he couldn’t get tickets. He doesn’t tell her he’s leaving Stars Hollow. She gets off the bus and that’s it – he’s gone. This is for the best but, man, talk about missed opportunities for his character.