Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 3, Episode 22 “Those Are Strings, Pinocchio ”

This episode (the finale of season 3!!!!!! WOO!! I’ve made it so far!) begins with a closeup of the Troubadour I forgot about until right this second. Now I’m cranky. Stars Hollow has a population of about 45 people – being the town “plays music on the street for money” guy can’t pay in a town that small. Go visit Broody in Venice, at least you have more foot traffic than the one horse town of Stars Hollow.

The girls bodycheck him with their insanely large packs on the way to Luke’s. They’re training for their European trip. God speed to everyone who backpacks across anywhere, but those packs are something I have no interest in. Give me a rolling suitcase and a hotel any day of the week.

Luke impresses the girls with a display of strength, and then tells them that he’s closing up the diner for a few weeks so he and Pretty Lawyer can go gallivanting around Canada & Alaska. Lorelai teases Luke about how a cruise is the perfect place to propose and Luke turns into a cartoon with a rage cloud over his head.

Later, Sookie and Lorelai have enlisted Luke to look through the Dragonfly Inn and make sure it’s not a diner. He reports that it is not a diner and is, in fact, an Inn. The girls are relieved because they weren’t looking to get into the restaurant biz.

They’ve also asked Kirk to look for mold, the silent killer. He’s found a mouse, the adorable killer.

At Chilton, everyone is lined up to film some bullshit end of the year video. Paris tells Rory that she’s ok with her making valedictorian over her, and Rory doesn’t think to ask just how in the hell did that happen? Rory is smart and studious and all, but Paris is one of those kids who other kids can’t touch. It makes better TV if Rory is valedictorian.

At the Inn, Michele and Sookie are bored so they decide to hunt the Deadliest Game by chasing the only guest through the lobby and then killing him with their bare hands. While they clean up, Lorelai takes a call from Judgy WASP Mom who is being difficult because that’s what she does. Spacey Grandpa is also on the phone with them and they tell her that they want to buy Rory a car for her graduation. When Lorelai mentions that it’s kind of a present for her, too, they weep with unmeasurable sadness. The last thing they ever wanted to do was make their daughter happy!!!! HEAVEN FORFEND!!

After the phone call, Lorelai talks to some guy we’ve never seen before (and will never see again) about how the Inn is doing. It’s bad. Right now, the Inn is nothing but a pile of sticks with a shingle on top. It’s a complete deathtrap.

Pictured – The Independence Inn

Later, Lorelai barges into Jackson’s and Sookie’s place to ruin their evening. The Inn is closed forever (death trap, many died, so sad). Lorelai wants to “celebrate” because she is a literal crazy person who doesn’t have to worry about money because her parents wipe their asses with $100 bills. OH – Not only is the Inn closing, Lorelai can’t swing her share of the money to buy the Dragonfly so everyone’s dreams are ruined! (Who wants to bet Luke’s money will come in to play later?)

Taylor is busy boring everyone to death at a town meeting and everyone loses their train of thought at once. This actually happened to me once – I was talking to someone at a party (or, they were talking at me) and they wouldn’t stop name-dropping and talking about themselves. I stopped paying attention and DIDN’T ACTUALLY NOTICE. A few minutes later I realized what happened, but it didn’t matter – the person was STILL talking.

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After the meeting, Floppy and Rory talk about what a terrible decision Floppy has made by getting engaged at 18. Rory promises to buy them a cool gift for their wedding and because they didn’t live together for a million years (unlike some of us) and they actually need household items.

Sookie and Lorelai sew Rory into her graduation dress. Lorelai mentions that they can’t buy the Inn because Rory didn’t get financial aid. Rory wants to take out a loan but Lorelai doesn’t want Rory to be drowning in loans when she graduates, because Lorelai can see the future and knows what happens to student loans in a few years. She then says the words “low-paid intern” together and we all laugh so fucking hard we cry. As a former journalism major, let me tell you that journalism internships do not pay and you have to have one in order to graduate. For people without Gilmore money, this means you get to work full-time for free while working full or part-time at another job to have actual money.

Before her graduation, Rory goes to talk to her grandparents about cold hard cash. When they open the door, Judgy WASP Mom is wearing this:

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which looks like this:

Screen shot 2015-08-23 at 7.03.30 PM

Great Disney movie or THE GREATEST Disney movie?

Of course her grandparents give her money (upon the reinstatement of Rory-only Friday Night Dinners) which we all knew would happen. The only thing surprising about this scene is how much it makes me wish I had boobs that could fit into dresses with boob cups without it looking vulgar. SIGH.

We’re finally at the ceremony, and I love Sookie’s dress. It’s weird, which is why I like it:

Screen shot 2015-08-23 at 7.10.25 PM

I also like that she’s got the turquoise purse.

Rory tells Lorelai about the deal with the Gilmores and Lorelai is angry because…it sucks to have money? It sucks that your daughter is smart enough to find a way to secure both her future and her mother’s dream? It sucks that your parents aren’t sobbing uncontrollably because they need to pay for some nebulous thing that made you hate them when you were a kid?

(IMPORTANT TO NOTE – C-Money is not at the graduation. LUKE is at the graduation. That is all.)

The graduation begins and Brad starts singing the song “Cherish.” I’m watching this on my computer while my husband watches WWE Summer Slam on the TV – Brad’s “bong bong” coincided with the Undertaker’s opening bell.

I’m not a wrestling fan (but my husband is) and I think the Undertaker is fucking cool. That’s a great gimmick. I was also goth in high school, so.

Rory talks about books and stuff during her speech, mentions Stars Hollow, talks about people she loves and how great her mom is, blah, blah, blah.  Everyone cries, even Luke. Rory gets her diploma, Lorelai gets her Inn. Basically everything is working out and everyone is happy and that’s never fun to crack wise about.

Rory’s phone rings and no one is there. GEE, WHO COULD IT POSSIBLY BE??? Rory knows who it is and she tells Broody that he didn’t handle shit right. She says she’s moving on. FINALLY! JESUS! That is correct! One million points to Chiltondor! Look, it’s not that I want Broody to die in a fire or anything, I just don’t think he’s in the right place for a relationship right now. He’s got a lot of work to do on himself and he needs to stop wrecking havoc on everyone around him while he fucking figures his shit out.

(FUN FACT – the phone Broody uses in this scene is in the building I ate lunch in the other day. I don’t believe there is a phone there anymore.)

Luke cleans off the tables at the diner and he hasn’t changed back into his hat/flannel uniform. Lorelai comes into the diner and tells him not to get engaged and then walks out. AND IT’S A FUCKING DREAM. God damn it, show! Twice in one season?

This is also a very strange place for this scene because it’s right between Rory getting off the phone with Broody and the girls running down the hall. Are we supposed to think that Luke already made it home and fell asleep in the time it took Rory to take a phone call?

More likely, that was supposed to be the last scene of the episode but it was moved so the girls got the last scene (which is a dumb scene.)

That’s it! The end of season three!! OMG, I made it! Next – Season 4.

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2 thoughts on “Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 3, Episode 22 “Those Are Strings, Pinocchio ”

  1. Yes! Sookie’s dress was awesome in this scene. It looks like a more colorful version of the dress the ‘dancing lady’ emoji is wearing. Also, your recaps are awesome.

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