It’s time for another festival in Stars Hollow and Lorelai finds herself without a place to sit at Luke’s. She calls Rory, they talk about the “Lane lives with Rory” thing, and then Lorelai drops the Digger Bomb: He’s coming to spend the day in Stars Hollow.
I had hoped, having been absent from the last episode, that Digger, A Hairball Hacked Up By A Cat, had died. Alas, we are not that lucky and now we get to sit through 45 minutes of his smarmy stupid face.
Why can’t Lorelai see why this guy SUCKS BALLS? Not just balls, BALL HAIR. HE SUCKS BALL HAIR.
Some chick shows up to talk to Luke and Lorelai is all confused and nosy because she needs to know if Luke is thinking about women other than her. Lorelai – HE IS. You’re sleeping with that human pit stain, that means Luke gets to sleep with whomever he wants. She also torments Kirk with kissy faces because it makes him uncomfortable. Honestly, she’d be better off with Kirk at this point – at least Kirk isn’t going to give her 74 kinds of STIs and leave grease stains on her sheets.
WHAT IN THE HOT HELL IS THIS????
The return of Broody? Eh. He’s better than Digger, A Pile Of Toenail Clippings.
Paris’s boyfriend, the age-appropriate one, is visiting Yale. Paris is an asshole to him on the phone because she doesn’t want to tell him that she’s banging that old guy. This will end well.
Back in Stars Hollow, some asshole almost runs Luke off the road. Gee, who could it be? Who would be a big enough self-centered dickface? Yep. Digger, A Pile Of Used Condoms On Floor Of A Sex Club. He wants coffee and wants to go to Luke’s. Lorelai tries to get out of it. She tries to get out of it for the same reason she won’t tell her parents they’re dating – she knows he’s a horrible choice and that everyone who loves here will, rightly, be pissed at her for dating such a sticky con artist.
They get to Luke’s and Digger, The Smear A Dog Leaves After Rubbing His Ass Across The Carpet, refuses to get out of the car. I’m surprised he has the ability to feel shame regarding his tailgating.
Later, we learn that the woman from the beginning is Luke’s sister Liz, meaning she’s Broody’s mother. She doesn’t look any more like Broody than his Not Italian Dad. Liz is in town for her high school reunion and she is so happy because everything is going really well for her. She even has a new boyfriend! Luke isn’t having it because this is her pattern. Everything is great, the boyfriend is great, and then it all falls apart. It’s no wonder Broody is such a mess.
Oh! She also has a great new job! What is it?
This is another theme of the show. People working for themselves. Lorelai has her own Inn. Luke has his own diner. Spacey Grandpa went into business for himself. Liz makes jewelry. Jackson grows vegetables. Taylor and all his endeavors. Mrs. Kim and her antique store. Miss Patty and her dance studio. No one, save C-Money, has a job working for some corporation.
Luke brings up Broody and finally admits to stealing his car all those episodes ago.
Back with Lorelai and the No Good Terrible Horrible Very Bad Date, assface has been on the phone the entire time. Judgy WASP Mom calls and they almost get caught. She then calls Lorelai and they almost get caught again. Digger, The Literal Worst, doesn’t want to keep hiding their relationship and this upsets me because I agree with him. He’s right. I HATE TYPING THAT.
Lorelai agrees to tell her parents, starting with her mother.
There’s also a Jamie/Paris thing going on in this episode – they break up, Paris is awful, no one cares.
At Friday Night Dinner, Judgy WASP Mom is bitching about Digger, A Sweat-Stained Rag. Yes. He is terrible. We agree. Then she drops the “You two would be perfect for each other.” Again, we agree. Digger, The Human Version of Stepping on a Rusty Nail, is the worst. Lorelai and her self-centered ways isn’t much better. Apparently, this was a “joke” so Lorelai doesn’t tell her mom about her terrible boyfriend.
Back in Stars Hollow, Luke discovered Broody’s car was missing. He reported it stolen and the cops found it broken down on the highway, with Broody sitting in it. They tow him and the car back to town where Broody and Luke argue. To no one’s surprise, things didn’t work out with his Not Italian Dad, so Broody’s “been traveling.” Luke and Broody argue some more – it’s a really good scene and done well by both actors. They both think they’re right, and in a way they both are, and they aren’t going to budge an inch. They’re both too stubborn, but Broody is really selling himself short by not letting Luke help him. Where’s the show where Broody decides he’ll just go along with Luke’s plan so he can graduate and they grow together to become more like father/son than uncle/nephew? I’d watch that.
So Broody ends up sleeping in his car, which is where Rory finds him. Rory refuses to deal with the Broody situation so she goes home while Lorelai goes to tell Luke about the Broodcicle in the back seat.
Luke has a rant about how much he hates family (this is why you don’t have contact with your family, Luke!) and that’s that. Lorelai goes home and fills Rory in on the happenings (side note – how many times does a character in this episode have to fill another character in on the events of a scene they’re not in? At least 4. It’s weird.)
Rory then mentions that there are fewer movie channels on the TV, no magazines on the coffee table, no take out, and actual food in the fridge. Lorelai is struggling because she hasn’t been working and she doesn’t want to tell Rory that she’s almost broke. I don’t know why.
Finally, back at Luke’s, he tells Broody that he’s going to Pretty Lawyer’s house so if he wants to go inside he can. Broody does and he doesn’t die. That’s nice.