Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 4, Episode 15 “Scene in a Mall”

It’s kind of official – Gilmore Girls is coming back to Netflix with 4 all new 90 minute episodes/”mini-movies”! I am SO FUCKED if I don’t step up my game and knock out these reviews before that happens.

Hey look! Lorelai has hair like I do when I let it air dry!

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I was going to do a side by side of me & Lorelai to show off my similar hair, but then I realized that I am so pale my nose sort of blends into my face and I look like Voldemort if he wanted to be Lorelai for Halloween.

This episode is picking up the morning after the Gilmores had their mutual “Crying on a Dude’s Shoulder” nights.

Lorelai is using her laptop at the counter and she mentions how much she loves email. Luke says “You enjoy typing to people more than talking to them?” Oh Luke, you sweet summer child. If only you knew what the future would bring!! 98% of my communication to people who are not my husband consists of emails and text messages. And now that I have the new middle finger emoji, I may never have to communicate in any other way. I’ve had the emoji for less than 12 hours and it’s already the first emoji listed in my “most used” section.

As Lorelai’s about to leave, Luke hands her an envelope containing a check for $30,000. We all knew that Luke was going to give her the money, so it’s not a surprise. What is a surprise is that Luke is a married man who just forked over 30k without, I assume, talking to his wife about it. (Remember the wife? Yeah.) And yes, perhaps they didn’t combine finances when they decided to try and make it work. Maybe the have a what’s mine is mine and we have a joint account for bills situation going on. But, even if all of that is true, wouldn’t the discussion of “investing” money into a local business still come up at one point or another? Especially when it’s not exactly chump change that he’s handing over?

Lorelai mentions Nicole and Luke freaks out, screaming about how Lorelai isn’t going to see her again and how he doesn’t want to talk about it. These are good crisis management skills. All the little guys running Luke’s mental control panel look like this:

Would you take a $30,000 check from a friend? I don’t think I could do it. A bank, sure. But a friend? Money ruins friendships. Money ruins family relationships.

At Friday Night Dinner, the cook has burned the loin (LOL) so Judgy WASP Mom is trying to get them a dinner reservation. This is a woman who has never heard of going to Del Taco to pick up dinner. Or eating a Halloween whopper. She’s upset the Lorelai’s wearing a dress she’s seen “at least a dozen times.” LOL LOL LOL. Judgy Wasp Mom would DIE if she saw my clothes. (Also – doesn’t she have a sweater with pink/blue rectangles on it that we see several times throughout the series? Way more than a dozen.)

Spacey Grandpa and Judgy WASP Mom are snipping at each other over dinner, shopping, and Moby. It dawns on me that a lot of the kids watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix for the first time were probably in diapers when Moby was all over MTV 3-4 times an hour with the song “South Side.”

I’ll never forget the Moby episode of Cribs where he shows off his bathroom without a mirror and says something like, “This isn’t a statement, I just forgot to hang one up.” Truly, there has never been a more appropriate musician for Spacey Grandpa to see in a restaurant.

Finally, the girls connect on the phone and decide to pretend to be old movie stars and window shop. I’m going to take this opportunity to plug a podcast that a friend of mine turned me on to called You Must Remember This. The host of the show tells the true, forgotten stories about actors and actresses from Hollywood’s first century. Even though I’m not big on old movies, the stories about these actors and actresses are fascinating. She’s done everything from silent movie stars to Bruce and Brandon Lee. My favorite “season” thus far has been the “Star Wars” season – it’s about stars during WWII. I highly recommend it. (BTW – Rita Hayworth’s life story will break your heart.)

Short break for a picture of Kirk with dogs:

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Rory goes to meet Lorelai at the inn but before she finds her she’s forced to watch Floppy and Britney Spears Circa 1999 eat the Biggest Lunch out of the Biggest Picnic Basket. So, like…Floppy’s wife doesn’t work? She’s 18 and just…not doing anything? No classes? No part-time job recycling shit because she’s “really into the environment”? And I don’t mean to disparage women who decide to become housewives. You do you and such. For me personally I wouldn’t be happy in that kind of a role. Besides, I’m a terrible housekeeper.

Rory and Lorelai go to the Burbank mall to shop. Or is it the Glendale galleria? One of the two. One time, at the Burbank mall, I saw a guy holding a shopping bag with a hole cut out of the side. He had a camera pointed at a group of very, very young teenage girls. (Maybe even tween age.) Upon seeing this, I looked for some security (found none) and before I could say anything the girls noticed what was going on and ran away. I didn’t say anything to that man. Part of me wishes I had, and other part knows that it could have been extremely dangerous to do so. I did go to the security office to report him but no one was there. I still get very angry when I think about that man – angry at him for being a pervert and sexualizing young girls, and angry at myself for not confronting him. I should have done better by those girls.

Speaking of – Mrs. Kim has allowed Lane to pack up her things to move into her new apartment. She does so with the help of her talkative cousin, Christine. Christine is also an American girl trapped by a strict mother who believes all non-church influences are evil. As Lane goes to leave, she and her mother share a very heartbreaking look. Poor Lane. Poor Mrs. Kim.

At the mall, the girls run into Judgy WASP Mom. This mall looks a little low rent for the likes of someone like her, but ok. For story’s sake I’ll go with it. Judgy WASP Mom, who is pissed off, makes the girls go “shopping” with her. Shopping means ordering all the salespeople around and spending more money that I’ll ever see in my lifetime on display globes and tea trays. Somewhere in the shoe section Lorelai finally gets Judgy WASP Mom to stop buying shit long enough for her to have a nervous breakdown over Spacey Grandpa’s mustache (and other more important things.) Spacey Grandpa – the Original Hipster.

The girls take Judgy WASP Mom to the food court to cram her full of saturated fats, sugars, and grease. You know, the good stuff. (Lorelai and Rory talked about how broke they were earlier in the episode but have purchased about $100 worth of fast food.) Judgy WASP Mom talks about her blowup in the store – she feels like she’s never done anything in her life except shop. She and Spacey Grandpa need to have a talk – she’s falling apart and he’s completely ignoring her. Worse, by going to trendy restaurants and having parties in Atlantic City, he’s taking away the things she’s always done like throw dinner parties for his clients and take care of the logistical tasks that keep their life running. She’s feeling very undervalued and lost. I do feel for her. It’s not easy when life changes so suddenly and you have no place in it anymore.

Back in Stars Hollow, Luke walks into an arcade that didn’t exist before this episode. Floppy is there, playing games to avoid his wife and her overly involved parents. Then, through a window, Floppy sees Rory and is like

The girls turn Luke’s into their living room as they go through all their purchases. Rory asks if her grandparents are going to be ok and Lorelai tells her not to worry. But in the next scene we see that Lorelai should be worried – the elder Gilmores are eating dinner and all Spacey Grandpa can do it talk about things that need to get done and his work. Then she asks him what he thinks of the apples she bought that day and he says “Oh. I’ve always liked those.” Judgy WASP Mom makes this face because she knows that anything she does doesn’t even register in his world

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It’s heartbreaking. All she wants is her husband’s attention but she doesn’t know how to ask for it. She wants to be important to him, and though he would say that she is, he doesn’t see how his single-minded focus on his work is pushing her to the sidelines.

Poor Judgy WASP Mom. Someone give her a hug. Between Spacey Grandpa/Judgy WASP Mom and Lane/Mrs. Kim, this was a very sad episode.

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