Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 4, Episode 16 “The Reigning Lorelai”

It’s late. I just got back from WWE’s Hell In A Cell event (my husband hearts wrestling), and I’m coming out of a Benadryl-induced brain fog. This review should be fun.

Benadryl is an amazing drug. It’s also one that fucks with my head the more I take it. It gives me brain fog. I have this weird allergy to something that I have yet to identify. It causes me to break out in hives. I popped a Benadryl because I was worried about an attack and now I’m kind of out of it. Once the fog lifts I’m fine again, but it really upsets me. After some googling, I discovered that this brain fog is a side effect of the drug. I now I know that prolonged exposure can increase risk of dementia. So that’s great and not at all a terrifying prospect for my future.

It’s Friday Night Dinner at the Gilmores. There’s talk of escargot and Judgy WASP Mom’s dead friend. I wonder if she had Benadryl-induced dementia. Spacey Grandpa, continuing along his “work is the most important thing ever!” trend, decides that he cannot possibly make the funeral. He has golf to play!!

Appropriate expression is appropriate.

Appropriate expression is appropriate.

The next morning, Luke is having a “serious” conversation with some blonde woman. It’s his wife. Who we haven’t seen for like 12 episodes. My “Give a fuck” meter on Luke and his pretend relationship is at like -7.

At Yale, Editor Dude is upset because Rory’s prose sounds like plagiarism. It’s not plagiarism, its cliche. Easy mistake. Then he starts complaining about how no one in the newsroom looks urgent, which echos one of my j-school teacher’s rants about how none of us had a “fire in the belly” that true journalists have. It’s probably because we were stuck as journalism majors as the bottom was falling out of the print market and newspapers across the country were going under. Just a guess.

Lorelai gets a call from Judgy WASP Mom – Terrible Grandmother is dead. This is a difficult thing – she was a horrible, horrible person who did nothing but make everyone around her feel bad about themselves. But she was still Richard’s mother.

Lorelai goes to her parents’ house with a bowl of “mock turtle soup” for her father. His mother used to make it for him when he was a child. I had no idea what “mock turtle soup” was so I googled. According to wikipedia:

Mock turtle soup is an English soup that was created in the mid-18th century as a cheaper imitation ofgreen turtle soup.[1] It often uses brains and organ meats such as calf’s head or a calf’s foot[2] to duplicate the texture and flavour of the original’s turtle meat.

Uh. No?

I did some more googling and found this recipe which sounds a little less like Mad Cow Disease in a bowl.

Spacey Grandpa is beside himself. He thinks his mother was a saint because he is drunk. He tells Lorelai, “You only have one set of parents. Remember that.” It’s similar to what my mother told me after her mother passed away. She said that after her mother died she felt like an orphan.

Later, Judgy WASP Mom and Lorelai go through Terrible Grandmother’s papers. Terrible Grandmother had decided that she’ll be cremated and then half of her ashes will be placed on Judgy WASP Mom’s mantle. This is an odd question – what is one supposed to do with the ashes of a relative long-term? I know for us Catholics we’re supposed to keep all the ashes together (no scattering or splitting them up) and then they have to be interred in a cemetery within a year of death. But for those who aren’t Catholic who don’t scatter or don’t bury…what do you do? Do you pass Grandma Apple Pie’s ashes on to your children, who then have to pass them on? Do you stick them in a storage facility? Throw them away? Inquiring minds!

We learn that Spacey Grandpa’s parents were second cousins, which might explain why he thinks that mustache is a good idea. Then Judgy WASP Mom stumbles across a carbon copy of the “I HATE EMILY” letter Terrible Grandma sent to Spacey Grandpa the night before their wedding. Terrible Grandma was a stan for Pennalynn Lott and thinks Spacey Grandpa made a huge mistake marrying Judgy WASP Mom. Judgy WASP Mom breaks down because she’s working her ass off for a woman who “never even wanted me in her family!” Well, fucking DUH, Emily. D.U.H.

That woman was a god damned monster to you for decades. You’re SURPRISED she didn’t like you in the beginning?

Judgy WASP Mom peaces the fuck out so it falls to Rory and Lorelai to organize all Terrible Grandmother’s papers. After watching my father clean out houses of his deceased relatives, and then having to do it myself not too long ago, I try to keep as little shit around as possible. When I die I just want someone to toss my laptop in a fire to prevent all my shitty writing (other than this shitty writing) from getting out.

The next day, Lorelai and Sookie go to see Judgy WASP Mom and they find this:

Screen shot 2015-10-25 at 11.39.41 PM

THIS IS AMAZING. I want this on a t-shit with the words “What Would Emily Gilmore Do?” scrawled underneath. It should be my life motto. Maybe it should be “What would Emily Gilmore/Cookie Lyon Do?”

Judgy WASP Mom gave the maid the day off and is reading The Crimson Petal and the White for book club. I read that. It’s ok.

Making life worse is Digger, A John Cena Fan. He knocks on Spacey Grandpa’s door and is greeted like this:

Screen shot 2015-10-25 at 11.45.59 PM

(BTW – 10/10 for both Kelly Bishop and Edward Herrmann in this episode.)

Digger, a Mechanically Separated Chicken Breast, “doesn’t do funerals” because he is a giant man baby who needs his bottle WAH WAH WAH.

At Yale, Rory almost gets in trouble for writing Terrible Grandmother’s obituary until she tells Editor Dude what’s going on. He lost his grandmother a few months earlier and is still not over it. He relates a story where he picked up the phone to call her because he’d forgotten she was gone. My mother used to do that, too. It’s never easy. I almost lost my shit in the middle of the 99 cent store because I noticed they carried strawberry milk. My father-in-law always went out of his way to make sure he had strawberry milk in the house when I visited because he knew I liked it.

Lorelai realizes she forgot to provide underwear for Terrible Grandmother’s open casket “funeral” (kind of confused on the funeral then cremation then wake thing? Again, I’m Catholic – cremation/body prep comes first, then a wake – sometimes for days – and THEN comes the funeral so I’m confused on the timeline here.) At the lingerie store, Lorelai finally loses her shit.

At the funeral we meet Cousin Marilyn, who I believe is played by the same woman as Terrible Grandma? (Do you think that the new Gilmore Girls episodes will start at Spacey Grandpa’s funeral (RIP Edward Herrmann)?) There’s also a dottering, forgetful old reverend who is Future Me.

When Spacey Grandpa and Judgy WASP Mom finally speak, Spacey Grandpa has decided to toss his mother in with his father instead of keep half of her on the mantle. Spacey Grandpa is, like me, a person who hates logistical nightmares.

Good call, Spacey Grandpa.

Now I’m going to bed.Oh – fuck Benadryl.


One thought on “Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 4, Episode 16 “The Reigning Lorelai”

  1. This episode was actually pretty hard to watch because my grandfather died before Easter and it was the most horrible thing to happen in my life. Lorelai having a meltdown while she was buying bras made me bawl, because even though she didn’t particularly have a good relationship with Trix or even like her that much, it’s a bit of a glimpse into the devastation that death wreaks. 😦
    Also – you’re Italian (or partly) AND Catholic? High five! I am both of those things too! 🙂

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