I spent Thanksgiving with my parents in Colorado. It was 18 degrees (fahrenheit), which I refuse to believe is a real temperature. (If there is an entire “news” network that can make up their own “facts”, so can I. That’s how America works now, right?)
(I found this gif via Google. It is the best gif.)
Lorelai begins this episode by exposing her anti-cat bias. She’s afraid she’ll turn into a crazy cat lady, which we can all agree is 1) the best kind of cat lady and, 2) the only kind of cat lady. Being a cat lady (or cat guy!) shouldn’t be a source of shame, it should be a source of pride because cats are wonderful companions. I love cats. Always have. I try to make friends with any cat I come into contact with, which is completely opposite of how I act around people. I know cats get a bad rap, but the only people I know who say they don’t like cats are people who have not spent a significant amount of time around cats.
I will, overused meme. I will.
Due to Inn stress, Lorelai can’t sleep and is leaving herself messages on her answering machine as a “to do” list of sorts. That’s the kind of thing we were forced to do in the days before smart phones (that and actually write things down using paper and a pen.)
At the Inn, Sookie introduces Lorelai to their poultry supplier, who is a man who speaks without opening his mouth all the way. Sookie wants them to date. Lorelai enjoys cunnilingus so she says no to the dude who doesn’t open his mouth all the way by pretending Luke is her boyfriend. Luke possesses the full range of mouth motion, so this is a good choice. After Mouth Guy leaves, Lorelai laments her relationship status and worries that she’ll be alone forever. Luke doesn’t say he’ll be alone forever but he is worried that he’s been doing a crappy job on the relationship front. The guy who rarely spent a night in the town house he owned with his wife and acted like he was still single is having relationship troubles?
Maybe I’m not being fair to Luke. The show has set it up so we can see Luke as the offended party in his marriage since he was the one who was cheated on. Yes, cheating is wrong, but it’s not hard to see why Pretty Lawyer would do something like that. Their relationship was over the moment they stepped off the cruise ship. He was never a husband. He was a temporarily inconvenienced single guy, and that’s exactly how he acted.
Just as Luke has decided to give love a chance by buying self-help books, I’ve decided to not be as hard on Luke since his marriage is finally over.
Speaking of men and their terrible marriages – Floppy Hair and Britney Spears circa 2000 have a fight within earshot of Lorelai and Sookie. Brit Brit is upset because she sits home alone all day and he never wants to go out like they plan. Floppy (correctly) argues that he’s trying to earn money to pay for all the shit she wants. I’m have a very hard time not judging the hell out of Brit Brit. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with a woman or man choosing to be the stay-at-home spouse if that’s what the couple has decided works best for them as a family. That comes with an understanding that you are going to live off of one income, and that means all the sacrifices and scrimping that comes with that one income (if you aren’t a one percenter, of course.) That said, she’s 19 and sitting at home doing nothing. Go get a job, Brit! Buy your car yourself! (Hmm…could the show be setting up Britney Spears circa 2000 as a “bad wife” so whatever happens when their marriage falls apart can be justified, much like Luke’s neglect of Pretty Lawyer has been justified? Let’s say yes.)
As Luke is listening to his self-help tapes in his car, his sister and her boyfriend appear out of nowhere to announce they’re getting married next week. Luke is all, “Why are you only wearing one earring?”
There is no answer for why she is only wearing one earring, or why her boyfriend looks like he fell asleep under a Phish t-shirt manufacturing plant. There is also no answer for why Broody isn’t coming to her wedding. Eh. No hate for this decision by Broody. There’s a million plausible explanations for why he can’t attend. This seems like it’s a quickie wedding with not a lot of planning time, so he may have to work or have school or not have the funds to make the trip. Also, from what we heard about his mom before she was retconned into being a hippie, their relationship didn’t seem that great. If she always chose her boyfriends over her son, Broody is justified in his resentment.
Due to the cancelation of Friday Night Dinner, Rory and Lorelai are having a movie night complete with a snack spread that rivals many full Thanksgiving dinners.
Judgy WASP Mom lied to Lorelai when she canceled dinner, which is pretty sad. She can’t even tell her own daughter that she left her husband. Not that Lorelai needs a lot of details, but basic facts about where her mother is living might be nice.
Lorelai fills Rory in on the Floppy/Britney Spears circa 2000 gossip and they decide to watch “the funniest movie ever made,” Fatso. The synopsis:
Dominick DiNapoli has always been a big kid who loved eating. It was his favorite thing. Then his cousin dies from health complications due to a lack of exercise and improper diet. Antoinette, Dominick’s sister, makes him promise to see a diet doctor and lose some weight. This is very hard for Dominick, but he tries. He also finds motivation when he meets Lydia, and he discovers a love that is more intense than his love of food. He spends so much time kissing and walking around with Lydia that he no longer eats as many unhealthy things, and he loses weight without even trying.
Hilarious. I can see why two women who are immune to calories would find this funny.
The next day, Luke goes to New York (I assume?) to find Broody. Broody is living in a shithole, but he’s 19 and, well, broody, so there is no better place for him to live. Luke tires to convince Broody to go to his mom’s wedding, but Broody doesn’t want to go. He says he’ll “catch the next one.” Again, no hate for Broody here. Maybe his mom deserves this level of animosity. Maybe he doesn’t have to be the “bigger person” in this situation. But he decides to go to the wedding anyway.
Later, Luke finally realizes he’s in love with Lorelai.
Meanwhile, Rory has to meet Paris at the hospital because her old dumb boyfriend had a heart attack. Paris is berating the hospital staff much like Judgy WASP Mom did back when Spacey Grandpa had his heart thing in season 1. Never yell at hospital staff. It doesn’t make you more important, it doesn’t push your loved one up on the priority list, and it doesn’t signal to everyone around you that you really, really, really love the person who is in need of medical care. What it does do is make an already stressful situation worse. I don’t say many things with any degree of authority as I am not an authority on anything save what it’s like to grow up fat in the suburbs, but I can speak to the treatment of medical staff with authority. My husband had cancer. And I made it through that entire ordeal without yelling at one doctor or nurse (though I did give one snotty nurse a bitchy look for not prepping my husband for his surgery in time. I’d been asking when we’d be taken back to prep for about 90 minutes at that point, and explaining that it was 8:40 and his surgery was scheduled at 9, and she was rolling her eyes at me and telling me I just had to wait. Then the doctor walked in and was all, “…uh, why isn’t he prepped?” TOLD YOU, YOU JERK, AND IF YOU’D LISTENED TO ME INSTEAD OF ROLLING YOUR DUMB EYES AT ME THE DOCTOR WOULDN’T HAVE YELLED AT YOU. I’m still mad at that woman for treating me like that.)
Posh McBookington has angina. Ok. Sure. This is the third time a male character has experienced this ailment in the history of the show. There are no heart attacks in the Gilmoreverse, only vague heart issues. This experience makes Paris realize that her old dumb boyfriend is old. Yeah, about that – it’s hard to go through a major health event whether you’re the patient or the caregiver. Paris thinks she’s going to break up with him but they reestablish their relationship and they decide to go to Oxford for the summer. MISTAKE. Whatever, Paris. Allow yourself to be used as a tool to keep an sleazy old fuck feeling like he’s still young. Sounds fun!
At Liz’s boyfriend’s strip club bachelor party, Luke refuses to sit down in order guarantee his lap doesn’t exist. Broody reads because Broody likes books. The boyfriend asks Broody to walk his mom down the aisle. Broody says no in that infuriating Broody way of his, which leads to a fistfight. After, Luke and Broody end up at the diner where Luke says he’s going to stop trying to change Broody and tells him not to go to his mom’s wedding if he hates her so much. Broody admits that the only reason he came at all is because of Luke. And just when I think we’re going to see some Broody growth and get a Broody/Luke heart-to-heart about THEIR relationship, we veer off into Rory land.
Damn. Luke does use some of his self-help tape shit on Broody to help with his Rory problem but I DON’T CARE. I wanted something like this:
Luke: You came here because of me? Why? I owe you money or somethin’?
Broody: Yeah, 500 large from that lotto ticket we went in on.
Luke: Always with the sarcastic quips, like you think being honest is going to kill you.
Broody: It might.
Luke. Uh huh. I’m going to bed. Lock up before you leave.
Luke turns to leave and takes a few steps toward the door. Broody rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath.
Broody: I came here because…
Luke stops, back still facing Broody.
Broody: Because your opinion matters. Sometimes.
Luke slowly turns to face him.
Luke: Your opinion matters to me, too. Sometimes.
Silence. Both fidget, uncomfortable. They’re bad at this but they know this is important. They mean too much to each other to screw this up.
Luke: You comin’ up?
Changing the subject relaxes both of them and the tension drains from their bodies.
Broody: I’m gonna read down here for awhile.
Luke: I’ll leave a light on.
Something like that. Obviously better written, but something that doesn’t detour into RORY, OMG territory. I like Rory and all, but I really don’t need more “who should I choose? Floppy or Broody?” Answer: neither, unless you’re just going for a quick “it’s summer, let’s fuck for three months” thing, then the answer is Broody.
The next morning, Luke drives to the Inn and asks Lorelai to his sister’s wedding. Why did he have to drive? Didn’t Lorelai run to Luke’s from the Inn when Taylor was inspecting it? How big is this town? I need a map of Stars Hollow.