As we enter into the final episode of season 4, allow me a moment to reflect upon what I’ve learned during my (very, very, very) slow stroll through the Gilmoreverse.
I’m almost a year into reviewing this show. Overall, the show is much different than I expected. I went in expecting more a “let’s learn cute, family-friendly lessons!” show and less a strangely skewed take on living in the beginning of the 21st century. However, I don’t think I can say I’m a fan of the show. It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with it and if I caught it in repeats I wouldn’t change the channel. But am I, as the Gilmore Guys say, a “gilly”? If I was asked to list my favorite TV shows, would I list the Gilmore Girls? No.
This is the kind of show you need to connect to on an emotional level. If you don’t connect, you don’t become a huge fan. I’m too jaded to appreciate the seemingly limitless optimism that serves as an undercurrent of the show itself. Though I am a shipper of many, many things, I can’t get behind any of the popular ships on the show (most likely because I am too old to find any of Rory’s love interests charming. Maybe if I found the show when I was younger?)
All of that is to say…nothing at all, really. Let’s do this, shall we?
Lorelai and crew are getting ready for the test run at the Dragonfly. Neat! Except…Good God, is that place fucking ugly. There are so many picture frames. WHY? How many pictures of flowers or trees or tiny houses covered in moss can you possibly have in your stupid inn? For someone who hates bed & breakfasts, Lorelai certainly likes to decorate like she’s running one.
The semester is over so Rory is back home. She makes the most of her time by playing video games at Lane’s. I’m pleased to see that Lane has taken my advice and has started hiding her food from the two stomachs on legs she calls roommates.
Rory tells Lane about Broody’s “come to NY with me and my bad hair!” proposal. Lane thinks it’s romantic. When you’re 19, I’m sure it is. (I still think she should have gone. 19 is the perfect age for a no responsibilities sexfest summer.) Rory is struggling with the basic dilemma experienced by women since time immemorial. Even Wonder Woman has experienced it:
(please let it be noted that this is 1) one of the worst illustrations of Bruce Wayne I have ever seen, and 2) I am totally against Wonder Woman dating either Batman or Superman. I like them as allies and friends, not romantic partners…unless we’re gonna get crazy and go for a “how did that weird one-time threesome happen let’s never speak of that again” thing.)
There are two men, both with different traits, both who touch something deep inside you that you can’t truly articulate. Floppy – dependable, strong, safe. Steady. You know what you’re getting and you know that he follows through. Broody – unpredictable, passionate, daring. Exciting. They’re rarely the same man so you have to choose. What more important to you at this point in your life? (Also – let us all understand that a Broody can become a Floppy with age and experience. Floppys don’t typically become Broodys, though. Maybe it could happen?)
Rory goes to Luke’s to find Lorelai has come completely unhinged. “LUKE AND I ARE DATING BUT MAYBE NOT AND THIS IS A TROPE AND WHAT IF WE AREN’T AND WHAT IF OUR BABIES HAVE 19 HEADS FROM ALL THE CAFFEINE I DRINK AND DOES LUKE HAVE A NICE ASSS??????????”
Rory then runs screaming back to Yale where she can hang out with a much less unhinged person known as Paris. On her sprint to the car, she see Floppy, who looks pissed (probably because of the Broody thing.) Though, it is possible he can’t actually see its Rory through tangled nest of wooly caterpillars calls hair. Maybe he thinks its just Babette out to sexually harass him. Again.
At Friday Night Dinner, Judgy WASP Mom invites Rory on a spontaneous European summer vacation. Lorelai then invites her parents to the Inn for the preview night because she is a spiteful, spiteful bitch when she feels slighted. This is such a dick move – she knows her parents aren’t getting along. Instead of just letting her mother’s improper behavior slide, she makes shit awkward for everyone.
I hate the outfit Lorelai decided to wear for the Inn preview:
Very winter on top, summer on bottom. The pieces would be fine with other things, but together, no. There’s drama between Floppy and Rory over the Broody thing and they almost kiss. NEITHER OF THESE TWO MACARTHUR GENIUS GRANT RECIPIENTS SEEM TO REMEMBER THAT FLOPPY IS MARRIED. Perhaps we have been mislead. Perhaps Rory isn’t at Yale. She’s at this other school:
Everyone gets settled into the Inn. Why is there a shower caddy on the wall at the top of the stairs? For all the impromptu stair showering that takes place?
At dinner, Luke and Lorelai eye fuck while sandwiched between a be-robed Patty and Babette (I almost wrote Patty and Selma.)
Just as everything seems to be going well, Digger, the Human Cockroach, shows up to ruin everyone’s good time. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! BOOO!!!!
Since Digger has no sense of boundaries or how to behave appropriately (again, maybe they are perfect together) he decides to sit in the lobby and wait for Lorelai to not be busy. I hope someone drops hot soup into his face holes.
Judgy WASP Mom is pissed because Lorelai has not only forced her parents to come to the Inn, she’s put them in the “Honeymoon Suite”, which is a cabin outside of the Inn itself, and then she forced them to have dinner in the room instead of in the dining room with everyone else. That is some cold, underhanded shit. Lorelai says it was “supposed to be nice” but even I don’t believe her.
Meanwhile, Rory is at home getting some CDs to play at the Inn. Who should show up at the house except for Floppy? He feeds Rory the old “my wife makes me miserable, it’s over between us” bullshit and Rory, being 19, falls for it.
I’ve seen posts on Tumblr where fans claim that Floppy “tricked” Rory into sleeping with him. I know that Rory is a main character and people want to see her as perfect, but she didn’t get tricked. He never said he wasn’t married. The only thing Rory did was believe a man who swore up and down that his marriage was over. Pro-tip – Never, ever, EVER believe a man when he tells you his marriage is over but he hasn’t filed for divorce for whatever SUPER COMPLICATED reason he has. It’s not over. It’s not going to be over. If he’s telling you that his wife doesn’t understand him and he’s not in an open relationship, run. Run fast, and run far. (And this is why the Floppy to Broody transition rarely ever works. Floppys just become assholes when they try to be a Broody.)
At the Inn, Luke makes small talk with the Scummy Mop Bucket Known as Digger. Digger is all, “LORELAI AND I ARE TOGETHER!!” and then Luke has sad angry man feels about it all over Lorelai. They kiss, but not before Luke has to have his AngryRant about how he did everything right, which is gross. I think…I think I don’t feel good about this? Doing things “right” doesn’t entitle anyone to sex or love. Sorry. It doesn’t work that way and it will never work that way. People are not sex vending machines where you put niceness or “rightness” coins into a sex falls out like WOW! THIS SEX ONLY COST ME 6 NICENESS COINS AND ONE RIGHTNESS BUCK! THIS SHIT IS AMAZING!
Why did he have to be so angry before a moment fans have been waiting for for 4 seasons? And seemingly angry at Lorelai? (Because if he were a real person…girl.)
But they kiss. Finally.
Lorelai runs home to “get her camera”, but we all know it’s to tell Rory about smooching Luke. Then she catches Floppy, the married man, coming out of her daughter’s room. He leaves; and dumb, naive, innocent Rory thinks her mom is going to be totally ok with the “I FUCKED A MARRIED MAN!” news. She is not. Lorelai has to tell her a version of what I wrote above – DON’T BELIEVE MARRIED MEN WHEN THEY TELL YOU IT’S OVER BUT THEY HAVEN’T DIVORCED AND/OR LEFT THEIR WIVES. Rory, completely idiotically, thinks that because she dated Floppy first it means that she has carte blanche over him and can fuck him regardless of if he’s married or not. This isn’t calling shotgun when riding in a car, Rory. Dating him first means shit.