Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 5, Episode 5 “We Got Us a Pippi Virgin”

When I started reviewing Season 5, I noticed that the Gilmore Guys were in the middle of the season. “YES! I’m going to catch up!” I thought, excited by the idea of not being a million plus episodes behind them. I looked again today when I downloaded last episode’s show. NOPE. They’re at the end of the season!

Damn it. I feel that I will never finish these reviews. I feel that I will never be able to focus on anything else because I am obligated (by imaginary forces!) to finish these reviews. My apartment is a disaster right now because I am in the middle of a “home improvement” project that has resulted in more mess than improvement. Yet I review.

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My husband and I have a sizable comic book collection (that consists of the worst of the worst of comics from the last 30+ years. They aren’t worth the paper they are printed on, which is why our podcast discussing said collection is called Worst Collection Ever.) The problem with having a comic book collection is finding space to store it. Comic book boxes are ugly as fuck:

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so I devised a plan – I will cover these ugly ass boxes with wallpaper (wallpaper because it is durable and less likely to tear) and glue mini chalkboards below the handles so we can change the labels as needed.

You know what’s really fun? Looking for wallpaper in 2015. After noting that you can buy wallpaper online at Home Depot, we went in to take a look at the selection. When I asked where the wallpaper was, the Home Depot employee said, and I quote, “Wallpaper? Man, you’re out of style! Most people use paint!”

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This LEGITIMATELY upset me because I WOULD NEVER PUT WALLPAPER ON A WALL! Wallpaper is for grandmothers and hipster idiots who think they can “recreate” living in a time period by dressing & using things from their chosen time period while still having all the comforts of the modern world at their fingertips (like medical care and the internet.) Yes, wallpaper is out of style. But it is not up to you, Mr. Home Depot employee, to tell me that! You don’t know what I want it for nor what I am trying to do with it.

I did not buy any wallpaper because I could not find any wallpaper. Instead, I bought two rolls of thin poster board from the craft store (not Hobby Lobby, because Hobby Lobby can die in a fucking dumpster fire and will never, for as long as I live, get a cent of my money.)  Covering the boxes is more work than I expected and it’s making me cranky. Obviously.

Jackson is also cranky because his new duties as selectman mean he has to talk to weirdos about things they deem important. Not gonna lie, one of the reasons I would never run for political office is because it would be like stepping into a irl version of your local news station’s Facebook comment section.

Spacey Grandpa has elected to have lunch with Rory at Yale but has neglected, yet again, to take her to a real restaurant. New Haven has tons of cool places to eat! They even have this place that is like heaven for cheese lovers!

As Spacey Grandpa talks Important Business Dealings, he says the word “valet” and he does not pronounce it “val-LAY” like he he last time. I am pleased that this error has been corrected. Then he asks about Judgy WASP Mom’s car and mentions that he’ll have to have his valet ask the maid about the car because he can’t talk to Emily. Weren’t they having those weekly calendar check/business meetings where they would sit awkwardly at opposite ends of the table and discuss the business of being Mr. & Mrs. Richard Gilmore? Did that stop happening?

At Friday Night Dinner, the girls are delighted to learn that they will joined by a special guest, Monsieur Panic Room. He’s a little standoffish and not really into crowds, but he’s still fun (if you’re a paranoid rich person who has watched too much Fear TV.)

She’s become so paranoid that once she learns Spacey Grandpa has locked the door to his study (depriving Bender Lorelai of gin) she takes it as a sign that she needs to snoop around the pool house. And – GASP! SHE FINDS BREATH MINTS! AND A VEST WITH SEQUINS ON IT! Obviously, this can only mean the Spacey Grandpa has finally decided to run off and join that showgirl review just like he’s always dreamed! Dream big, Spacey Grandpa! Shoot for the stars!

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With Judgy WASP Mom retreating to her panic room to hyperventilate into a paper bag over a sequined vest, the girls decided they need to eat ice cream at Luke’s and joke about how they tipped him once. LOL. No one believes you pay for shit, Lorelai.

Because of her awkward Floppy encounter earlier in the day, Lorelai is insistent on hanging out with Rory and Floppy to prove that she’s TOTALLY OK with the whole “Rory dating the guy who slept with her while he was married” thing. She decides that Luke & Lorelai and Rory & Floppy should have a double date! I wish Lorelai would take a page from the Book of Floppy’s Mom and just act weird and awkward because THIS IS WEIRD AND AWKWARD.

I don’t think Lorelai likes to be made to feel like she’s actually her daughter’s mother unless it suits her particular needs. She doesn’t like what Rory is doing? Pull the mom card. She doesn’t like that her parents want to do something for Rory? Mom card. But when it comes to her daughter operating somewhat independently, Lorelai desperately pulls they “but wasn’t it cool when we were FRIENDS?” card. Let’s go with no. Let’s also go with “going on a double date with your own child is fucking weird.”

Unpopular Opinion -I don’t think Lorelai is a particularly great mother. Yes, she loves Rory unconditionally and she is always there for her. These are traits that great mothers should have. But great moms should also be able to pull the discipline lever when needed. Great moms are ok with not being their kid’s best friend when circumstances dictate they need a mother or a authority figure. Instead of trying to act like Rory and Floppy is just the greatest thing she’s ever seen, she should be able to tell Rory that she can’t support this relationship. At least not right now. I would love to see Lorelai sit Rory down and tell her that the way this relationship started makes her supremely uncomfortable, that it’s a mistake to continue to see Floppy, and that, for the time being, she doesn’t want to see Floppy in her house. There will be no double date or offers for Floppy to chew the fat. If, and only if, this relationship gets serious, then she might reconsider changing her position. But until then, nope. She should only say it once (not go on and on about it) but she needs to tell her that this relationship is so far from ok that it can’t even see ok. It passed “ok” about 80 miles back and it sure as hell won’t make it back when the fuel gage is reading empty.

Rory goes to see Floppy and his roommate, Kyle. Kyle has a hook hand. Did Kyle always have a hook hand? Was how Kyle came by the hook hand ever mentioned? Is he this guy?

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The night of the double date there is a lot of talk about shitty burgers and then they go to see Pippi Longstocking at some hole in the wall theater that, admittedly, I’d be into. (One of the greatest things about living in LA are all of the cool movie theaters in town, like The New Beverly or Cinefamily.) Luke doesn’t like the idea of the double date because he’s not happy with the Rory/Floppy marriage-ending relationship.

When they get back to Lorelai’s house, Floppy says he’ll take a beer and Luke loses his shit. I didn’t see him as particularly snippy to Floppy on the date, but Lorelai did. But he won’t tolerate a 19-year-old kid asking for a fucking beer. Setting aside that I think the drinking age should be lowered to 18, Luke’s right. He is being the responsible adult by saying “no, person who is not related to me, you cannot imbibe this illegal beverage because I don’t want to be on the hook with Johnny Law if you get caught.” Lorelai, providing more evidence for the “Lorelai is kind of a bad mom” theory from before, is all “I’ll bring beers for whoever wants them!”

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Lorelai brings out the Bop-It because distraction is better than confronting the issue currently staring you in the face. Floppy leaves, and then Rory gets all pissy and yells at Luke, and Lorelai lets her because she is incapable of seeing why this evening was a stupid idea to begin with or why her daughter shouldn’t be a dick to Luke.

But Luke says what I’ve been saying for a very long time – Rory shouldn’t be with Floppy. Rory shouldn’t be with Broody. Rory has the whole world in front of her and she needs to go out and live her life. That is why I am on #TeamNoOne a.k.a. #TeamRoryWithACareerAndMarriedAfter30

 

So, the question is really what the show wants me to take away from this episode. Is it that the “old days” Rory, Floppy, and Lorelai refer to are gone and cannot be recaptured? Or is it that, with time, the idyllic high school sweetheart/golden couple romance between Rory and Floppy will reign again? I certainly hope its the former.

 

 

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 5, Episode 5 “We Got Us a Pippi Virgin”

  1. Kyle did not always have a hook hand. Kyle joined the navy when Dean got married. He was the designated driver at his bachelor party. He explained he was joining to get money for college. His older brother was in the navy too. But before 9/11. He even had a worried moment about that he would fight in a war. All this indicates that he lost it in the military. Which is why Rory said in this episode “Kyle’s out of the navy now.”

  2. I agree with you about Lorelai. I actually have argued this before. You can’t be both the confidante and the enforcer and Lorelai is more interested in being the confidante when Rory desperately needs (and has needed for quite a while) an enforcer. I have a great relationship with my mom but my mom was strict. And I can not tell you how many times my mom reminded me during my teen years that she is not my friend, she’s my mother.

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