Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 5, Episode 14 “Say Something”

Happy Valentine’s Day! Time to delve back into the Gilmoreverse and watch the chaotic fallout from Judgy WASP Mom’s scheming and Lorelai’s lying. What better way to spend one of the worst holidays known to man?


I hate Valentine’s day even though I’m married to a wonderful man. My Valentine’s Day hate is left over from all the V-days I spent single and feeling really shitty because you’re SUPPOSED to be on love on Valentine’s day! If you aren’t, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY AREN’T YOU LOVEABLE? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE WORST?

I’m here to say that it’s totally ok to be single on Valentine’s day. Being single on Valentine’s day doesn’t make you less worthy of being loved than anyone else. You are not unloveable. You are not the worst. All being single on V-Day means is you aren’t currently dating anyone. That’s it. Now go eat some of those chalky conversation hearts and drink champagne. You deserve it for being you.

Lorelai tries to track Luke down after he left the wedding but is unsuccessful. She is successful at running into Babette and her giant jazz-loving husband, who immediately tell her how doomed her relationship is because she and Luke are currently not occupying the same general space. This is why all married couples are surgically attached at the hip immediately after saying “I Do.”

She finally finds him in the movie theater after watching Kirk play a rather stirring round of Dance Dance Revolution. That game is awesome. I suck at it, which is no surprise. Luke needs time to think about how she fucking lied to him about Christopher, and he needs to think about how he would have be FINE with everything if she had just told him like a god damned adult. Here in lies the problem with most television – characters act in ways that make little sense, which leads to tons of drama, all of which could have easily been eliminated by communicating. This in turn leads people to think that this is how life actually works and has them running around like assholes incapable of opening their world holes and forming coherent sentences that accurately express their feelings.

At Yale, Paris is all of us when discovers that Rory wants to bang Smarmy. She says he looks like a BeeGee. She’s right in a way – if the BeeGees came out today Barry Gibb would probably look like Smarmy in the hair department. If the BeeGees came out today I would hope they’d still embrace the tight 70s pants of the original BeeGees. I mean, you can’t go half BeeGee. 100% or GTFO.

There has never been a more walk-centric music video. Not even the Proclaimers had that much walking in the video for their song about walking.

Taylor has passed out ribbons to the townies so they can signal their allegiance to Luke (blue) or Lorelai (pink). Taylor needs a hobby, like model ship building or whittling. Lorelai, who has no sense of privacy or any real knowledge of how a guy like Luke will take being confronted in a public place to have a serious talk, confronts Luke in Taylor’s market. It goes just as poorly as everyone knew it would.

Meanwhile Rory thinks she’s going to Netflix & chill with Smarmy but he’s having a poker night with his buddies. Maybe he thinks they will all Netflix & chill? (I read Dan Savage. I know about sexy, sexy sex things, guys. I’m, like, an expert in reading about other people doing the sex.)

From reading the Internet, I learned that back when I was in college if a guy asked you over to his place to watch a movie he was really inviting you over to have sex. I did not experience that. I was never one dudes tried to get with, so when I was invited over to watch movies there were a lot of late nights filled with actual movies. Rory feels my pain when she wakes up on the couch the next morning and realizes the guy she came over to fuck had no actual interest in her and spent the night playing poker. Sorry, Rory. What you should have done was leave after his second or third hand. Fuck falling asleep on the couch hoping he’ll notice you. But she’s young and doesn’t get it. I sure as shit didn’t get it at that age, either.

Sookie calls Rory to tell her that her mom is laying in bed crying over a man and Rory should come home right now to witness her.



Rory rushing home to find her mother sobbing in bed isn’t something I’m comfortable with. Some people have much different relationships with their mothers, but I think I can count the number of times I’ve seen my mother cry on one hand. One of those times is when her own mother passed away. She is not the “lie in bed sobbing” type. She is the “get up because shit still needs to be done” type. And I don’t mean that as a slam on anyone who has depression and cannot get out of bed. It’s just something I’m not used to seeing in a mother/daughter dynamic.

A better question would be – do I believe that Lorelai is the type of person to retire to her bed and sob over a breakup? Does anything I’ve seen in this show up until this point lead me to believe that Lorelai would do something like this, including blowing off her responsibilities at the Inn? No, no I do not. I think she might spend the whole night crying in bed, but I don’t think she’d actually blow off work and not call Sookie to tell her she wasn’t coming in. This is the girl who took off when she was 16 and worked as a maid at an inn just so she wouldn’t have to deal with her parents. Blowing off work because a guy gave her the sads doesn’t really seem in the cards for her.

Rory, not one bit phased by riding around in a car with a driver, takes Lane to get “supplies” for Lorelai’s sads. After she goes back to her rich boyfriend, Lorelai calls Luke and leaves him a tear-filled message begging him to come over.


She realizes that this is an INSANE thing to do, so she does something more insane and breaks into Luke’s place to steal his answering machine tape. This is pretty much what happened on My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend last week, except replace “answering machine tape” with “text message”. While not my favorite tv trope, My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend did give us this amazing example of self-loathing in “You Stupid Bitch.”

Luke heard the message and he ran over to her place. When she gets back from stealing his tape, he is at her house, worried sick because he can’t find her. She tells him she’s sorry and she’ll never bother him again. He leaves.


At Yale, Rory tries to talk to Smarmy but he’s all:


She tries to explain things to him but he basically steamrolls right over him and makes her agree with him in the end. She doesn’t get to express her feelings, and when she tries he makes it seem like she’s just being immature and silly for thinking the way she does. GREAT BOYFRIEND, RORY. You’ve dated a regular guy who became a cheater, a guy who was too immature to be a good partner, and now, you’re dating a rich fuck who gaslights you. You are better off alone until you’re old enough to recognize when dudes pull this shit and call them on it. (Side note – if you ever wonder why certain kinds of guys (obviously, #NOTALLMEN) put so much value on younger women, it because they know older women are wise to their shit. Learn to recognize it early, ladies, and don’t be afraid to walk away.)



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s