Woo! Super late review time! My life has been (surprisingly) busy as of late. Usually I do nothing but sit around staring at the walls and thinking about Pluto (the dwarf planet, not the cartoon dog) or wondering where my life has gone.
Lorelai is attempting to go through all her old VHS tapes and purge herself of useless crap. Unlike me, she is crap at throwing things away. (Seriously, if you ever need to clean out a room, hire me. I will throw away/donate everything you ever loved and do it with a smile on my face. It’s my one talent.) Like me, she’s obsessed with shitty movies. Though I veer more towards classics like Death Spa or The Room, Lorelai is more Riding a Bus with My Sister. I have my theories as to why Lorelai finds this movie hilarious, but that’s a mine field I should avoid at all costs.
There is something to be said for the entertainment value of crap movies and TV shows. I unabashedly LOVE objectively terrible things. I co-host a podcast where all we do is talk about terrible, terrible, yet amazing comic books. One of my favorite movies of the last decade is Burlesque, starring Christina Aguilera, Christina Aguilera’s terrible yellow wig, and Cher. LOVE IT. OWN IT. OWN THE SOUNDTRACK. SAW IT TWICE IN THE THEATER.I love that movie unironically. It’s terrible and yet so, so good.
I think I get more enjoyment out of watching things I know are bad than I do out of watching things that are objectively good. Objectively good makes you think, it makes you feel deep emotions and question the world around you. But objectively bad, for me, fosters connections with other people. It fosters a sense of community. I just have more fun with things that are bad.”Wasn’t ____ terrible? LET’S WATCH IT AGAIN!”
Sookie and Jackson are getting their kids baptized. They’re fighting about it at the Inn, because fighting with your spouse at work is neither weird nor awkward for those around you, and we get this amazing monument to “ACTING!”:
Meanwhile, Rory has been transformed into Judgy WASP Mom JR for an evening of hosting one of her grandmother’s stuffy parties. She wears a jacket and worries about salmon puffs. Smarmy shows up and is a dick from the moment he walks onto the screen. He’s all “I just don’t wanna deal with THESE people. By THESE people I mean everyone who’s known about me since I was baby because I’m apparently Harry Potter for rich people. Instead of besting Voldemort with my forehead, my dad’s jizz turned me into a human money magnet. ACCIO HIGH RETURNS ON MY TRUST FUND!”
Smarmy wanders out to the pool house and invites all his friends over without asking Rory if it’s cool. It’s not cool, but Rory pretends that she’s a Cool Girl so nothing bothers her. “Oh, it’s fine that you invited your scumbag friends over to my place, both of whom are busy treating women like trash at this very moment.” AWESOME BOYFRIEND, RORY.
Lorelai, who was crushed when she tried to call Rory only to find her phone had been disconnected, has to deal with Jackson’s brother Ron Swanson. Everyone is in town for the baby shower and he’s arrived with the notion that Lorelai is a nympho. He pulls out all the “…ladies” stops with this ode to masculinity:
Sookie runs into the diner to show Luke a cake topper that has his butt. It doesn’t look like this, though it should:
This scene feels out of place with the rest of the episode. We know Sookie is busy with family and preparing for her kids’ baptisms, plus she making all the food for the after party. But here she is in the diner, harassing Luke like the most important thing she has going on right now is the hypothetical cake for the hypothetical wedding. This leads to another weird scene where Sookie asks Lorelai to be her daughter’s godmother and wants Rory to be the son’s godmother. Asking Lorelai isn’t weird. Asking Lorelai if it’s ok if she asks Rory because Lorelai and Rory are fighting is weird. Would you really give up the person you wanted as your child’s godparent just because your friend was mad at that person? Would you pick someone you aren’t that close to to be the godparent to your child just because you want to make her mother a wedding cake one day? (Also- never ask friends to be godparents, just ask family. I have godparents that were my parents friends back in the day. I do not remember the last time I saw them.)
Both Lorelai and Rory are lying in bed awake when their alarms go off. I had such a visceral reaction to Smarmy in Rory’s bed that I made a stank face and paused it on this:
I am a master of the screen cap. This is my art. Get me a gallery show and clothes that make me look alien, for tonight I am an ARTIST.
When Rory arrives in Stars Hollow, both girls are standoffish and refuse to speak to the other. I’ve never understood Rory and Lorelai’s buddy buddy relationship because it was so far outside my own experience that I had trouble contextualizing it. However, I’m familiar with this behavior! I get this! I CAN RELATE!! I feel included!
During the ceremony, Lorelai decides to make everything about her and starts in on Rory about the phone number. They literally hold up the service so they can step outside and yell at each other. Lorelai is a terrible person.
Rory jets off to New York with Smarmy to spend money and act like an entitled ass while Lorelai and Paul Anka the Dog watch Riding the Bus with My Sister together. It’s not the same.