The titles of these episodes have ceased to mean anything. They could call an episode “Moneyball Squares” and it would be just as effective as “Mad Grey Dawn.” (Yes, I know it’s the name of the painting Riddler steals. It still doesn’t mean anything.)
Instead of my typical rage gif, please enjoy the song that has been stuck in my head for the past week:
Why yes, I did dance to that song in goth clubs when I was younger. (Goth clubs play a lot of Eurythmics.)
The Jimmy G & Nygma Friendship Hour
We start in a museum where a giant bomb is rigged to go off and scare all the patrons. I have to say, I am 100% here for what is actually a huge bomb with a big fuse hanging out of it. This is Batman ’66 level camp and I LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT. It’s paying homage to the old comics, but at the same time making the bomb an art piece grounds the scene in the real world. This entire sequence is great, from the Riddler’s bomb plan to the clues marked with giant green question marks. More of this, please.
Jim and Harvey go to the museum where Jim mopes around because he may actually get busted for murdering a man in cold blood. Consequences? For a cop? My heart, it breaks for Jim Gordon. His moping, combined with the speed they decode the riddles, sucks all the fun out of the hunt for the Riddler. Seriously, if they can figure it out that easily, why do they need Batman at all?
There’s a theory floating around out there that Alfred is really the Joker (it even made it into an Elseworlds story.) I’ll take it one further – if Gordon and Bullock can so easily solve the Riddler’s puzzles, and the Alfred of this world is a literal psychopath, it stands to reason that Alfred is every single male rouge Adult Batman ever comes into contact with.
Jim and Harvey run to the train station where they find a bomb in a locker. They don’t have enough time to call the bomb squad, so Jim literally does this:
Of course, if Jim were a good cop he wouldn’t have opened the locker without the bomb squad present because he would have known the door itself could have been wired to explode. But we need Jim to touch the convenient crowbar, so he pulls a stunt that would be at home in an old screwball comedy.
Jim eventually follows the clues that Riddler leaves to find a cop dead (Dead cop count for the episode – 1). Ben Grimm catches him in the dead guy’s apartment and arrests him. See, the dead guy was the guy who called in the tip about Jim killing Galavan (not really, it was Riddler.)
We end the episode with Gordon in jail. How, exactly, are the writers going to get themselves out of this one? Gordon is 100% guilty of killing Galavan. But i’m willing to bet he gets released and cleared of all charges when Clone Galavan is released by Dr. Strange.
Penguin shows up at Butch’s love nest where he and Sexy Plot Device are lounging around in their bathrobes. I thought it was Galavan who made all the people in his family wear bathrobes all the time, but I guess it was this chick. Penguin comes to apologize and everyone how he’s changed – he even brings cupcakes! (Didn’t he bring cupcakes or donuts to a bunch of people he poisoned back in season 1? DON’T EAT THEM, BUTCH! DANGER!)
Butch and Sexy Plot Device tar and feather Penguin’s clothes, which is a waste of both tar and feathers. Penguin then goes to see Riddler to tell him that he should stop being evil. Riddler is all, “…nah.” Penguin just shrugs and heads off to his mom’s grave where he encounters Pee-wee Herman. Pee-wee is all, “YOU’RE MY KID! I NEED NO DNA TESTS TO CONFIRM THIS (AND CHANCES ARE I’M ACTUALLY FUCKING WITH YOU BECAUSE I’M A CON ARTIST AND/OR WORKING WITH HUGO STRANGE!) I LOVE YOU, SON!”
And Penguin is happy (so happy he takes a bubble bath!)
Bruce & Selina Play House
Bruce and Selina go to a house where Ivy (hey, remember her?) is working to cultivate a variety of magic mushrooms. Selina wants to steal all the money Ivy’s bosses have stashed around. Bruce is down for stealing because he doesn’t mind stealing from criminals. They steal some money from stoned dudes, but manage to get caught because they’ve been caught every single time they’ve schemed to do anything together, why should this time be any different? Faceless Head Gangster Guy doesn’t like the way Selina talks to him so he wants to shove mushrooms into her face. Bruce opens his big mouth and it gets him punched, which he likes. As he’s getting his ass kicked, there’s a voice over from Alfred telling him how to win the fight and a grand swell of music. We’re supposed to think this is a defining moment in Bruce’s development, but it’s not. It’s not the first time he’s had his ass kicked, and it’s not the first time he’s bested someone in a fight. Bruce and Selina rally and escape because of course they do. Still, I love seeing Bruce and Selina work together in any incarnation. Even in the New52 when Batman and Catwoman teamed up to rescue a kidnapped girl:
Selina has to stitch up Bruce’s wounds (get used to it, honey) and Bruce is all “I LOVE PAIN! I AM UNBREAKABLE!” Selina is all, “Shut up before M. Night Shyamalan makes another movie with that premise.” (Also – I’m a bit creeped out by everyone telling Bruce that he likes pain. Uh…)