Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 6, Episode 8 “Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out”

According to Google, a balalaika is “a guitar-like musical instrument with a triangular body and two, three, or four strings, popular in Russia and other Slavic countries.” It’s these:

I’ve learned something today.

Oh no. Oh no no no no no. Broody is in the “previously on” segment before the cold open. I’ve heard about this episode, but I never watched it (I think I actually fell asleep during it while doing my speed watch. This happened pretty often.)

Sigh. Ok. Let’s get this shit over with.

First, Luke and Lorelai are having problems selecting paint colors because Lorelai likes to be indecisive and pretend that she’s never been responsible for choosing paint colors before. This was not a problem when she painted the Dragonfly, it is a problem now. Then Lorelai talks Luke into sponsoring a kids soccer team. Finally, Rory is trying to avoid Judgy WASP Mom with little to no success.

Screen shot 2016-04-03 at 9.39.16 PM.png Rory goes drinking with Smarmy and his terrible friends. They’re all obnoxious and it’s getting to the point where it’s no longer typical college kids drinking and more people who are going to have to admit they’re alcoholics after several DUIs and legal problems even their money can’t solve. Don’t worry, it’ll take about 20 years for them to hit rock bottom, so more “fun times” will be had by all!

They also mention the Life & Death Brigade. You know, that super secret old club that’s been in operation for over 200 years yet no one knew if it was a real thing? Yeah, they’re just talking about that at the pub like it’s not supposed to be a secret club for kingmakers.

At about 2 in the morning (because the bars in CT close at 2 on Fridays & Saturdays, and the bar they were all drinking in is CLOSED) Rory puts all her “friends” into the car and takes them home. This puts her back at her grandparents’ house at about 3, 3:30. Guess who just walks through the gate at fucking 3 god damned 30 in the morning???? BROODY. COME ON. COME ON!! Make him come back, fine. Make him appear at her grandparents’ house in the middle of the night? No! Fuck that. I’m already pissed off.

To add to my irritation, Rory takes Broody up to her room after telling him that Judgy WASP Mom is a light sleeper. Rory’s room is right next to Judgy WASP Mom’s. Why the FUCK would you take him there if she’s such a light sleeper you’re worried about waking her up when you’re on a driveway? How about the basement? The dining room? Literally anywhere else in the house? Sigh. It’s like she’s never had to sneak a boy into her room before.

Broody has appeared at this ungodly hour to tell Rory that he lives in Philly now because New York is too fucking expensive. He also brought her a copy of his “short novel” (a.k.a. a novella.) Good for Broody. I’m still annoyed that he has no sense of appropriate visiting hours, but I’m glad he finally put all that rage to good use. My rage just got me to pay a shit ton for grad school, leaving me barely qualified to rant on the internet about TV shows that have been off the air for a decade. Truly, money well spent.

giphy2

Broody works for the press that published his book. So it’s a startup before startups were really a thing. Again, good for Broody. This doesn’t make me like him any more than I did before, and it certainly doesn’t make me think that he and Rory should be together, but good for him. He also seems a lot less angry than he was because he’s found a sense of purpose.

However, I will say though I am Team No One (Team Rory with a Career and a Guy We Never Meet!), of the slim pickings this show has served up as boyfriend choices, I guess Broody is the best one? He’s never cheated on his wife (that we know of) and he’s not a spoiled drunk with daddy issues (that we know of.) He’s still a rude dick with no sense of timing. I guess that’s as good as we’re going to until the revival.

You know what I wish? I wish this scene was between Luke and Broody instead of Rory and Broody. It would mean more, especially when he says that he couldn’t have written that book without Rory. No! He couldn’t have written that book with Luke! He couldn’t have written that book without Luke’s belief that he was a smart kid with a bunch of potential he was wasting on Wal-Mart. That’s the person who deserves the thank you.

When Broody picks Rory up for their hang out date, she doesn’t bring her Birkin. Hmm. I wonder why? Smarmy drives up in his Porche because he is a douche who drives a Porche. Smarmy has a SHE IS MY TERRITORY! moment and ends up going out to dinner with Broody and Rory. Broody reverts to his typical monosyllabic answers (in this case it’s warranted) and Smarmy is just a walking bag of flaming dildos. He rags on Broody for publishing a novel (“Maybe I should just write down everything that happens to me”) and Broody storms out of the bar. Yo, Smarms – YOUR FATHER WANTS YOU TO RUN HIS NEWSPAPER EMPIRE. What the fuck do you think you’re going to be surrounded by all day? People filling column inches with legos? People manufacturing news by solidering wires together?

Outside, Rory has to defend Smarmy to Broody the way she once had to defend Broody to everyone else. Broody doesn’t understand why Rory changed (because people change as they have different experiences? because you really shouldn’t be the same person you were in high school unless something went terribly wrong?) but he does say that Rory is an idiot for dropping out of Yale and dating Smarmy. I also contest the statement that Broody knows Rory better than anyone. No. Lorelai knows Rory better than anyone. If I were going to make a hierarchy of who knows Rory best, it would go:

  1. Lorelai
  2. Lane
  3. Paris
  4. The Elder Gilmores
  5. Floppy
  6. Sookie/Luke
  7. Broody/Marty
  8. Doyle
  9. Almost everyone else not previously mentioned who has ever met Rory
  10. Smarmy

After Broody leaves, Smarmy and Rory get into a fight at the bar. Smarmy takes it personally when Rory says she’s not doing anything but drinking and partying. He says he gave her “one month” to go back to Yale and because she didn’t she can’t blame him. I don’t think she was? Smarmy is just as big an asshole as his father.

Lorelai has a breakdown over Paul Anka (the dog) because he’s sick. (If that dog dies because Rory is back in Lorelai’s life, I am done with this fucking show.) She says she’s a bad mother but she’s really talking about how she feels she failed with Rory.

Judgy WASP Mom is on a rampage because Rory didn’t come home. Granted, I understand why she’s upset – she had no idea where Rory was and she could have been hurt or in trouble. However, Rory is 21. Cutting a 21-year-old woman down in public because you’re mad at her for not listening to you is pointless. And I get the “this is my house, you live by my rules!” thing (it was my mother’s favorite phrase) but that leads to the person you’re trying to control getting the fuck out as soon as they possibly can. No one wins here.

 

 

 

 

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