Some of the titles for these episodes…I just…cannot.
Whatever, here’s a screencap of Kirk doing Tai Chi:
We start this episode completely undoing Luke’s “we must be honest at all times!” thing from last episode. Rory asks how he’s doing and he’s like, “Me? Great! Been fishin’, and buildin’, and definitely didn’t just learn that I have a mystery daughter named Poochie who will serve as a human wedge in your mother & my relationship! Yep! Nothin’ new with me!”
Everyone acts like Rory being back in town is the greatest thing to happen. Did she bring them the cure for cancer? Millions of dollars? A really good cake kind of like the ones you can get a Whole Foods but not as expensive?
People are so happy Rory’s back in town they throw impromptu banquets in her honor. Like:
At the second feast of the day Lorelai tells Rory that her dumb ass father called and he has “great news.” I’m sure Lorelai will only talk to C-Money after talking to Luke and discussing her options.
Oh, wait, no. She didn’t do that. Why would she do that??
The thing that is so frustrating about Luke & Lorelai’s communication problems is that they didn’t have this many problems communicating before they were in a relationship. It makes little sense for people to shift this drastically without some unseen force pulling the strings :cough: WRITERS :cough:
C-Money is REALLY C-Money now because his grandfather died and left him a shit ton of cash. Instead of doing what actual rich people do (lay around on piles of money while getting coin facials and $100 bill body wraps) C-Money is acting like a lotto winner who will be broke and dead in under three years. He wants to “take care” of Lorelai and Rory. The offer to take care of Rory in some capacity isn’t weird. It’s exactly what he should offer to do because she’s his daughter. The offer to take care of Lorelai, however? Weird. Creepy. Overstepping of all the boundaries, especially given what happened last time they spoke.
(Side note – Did C-Money ever pay Lorelai child support?)
When Lorelai tells Rory about C-Money’s money, Rory is excited because that means her dad can pay for Yale instead of her grandparents. How convienent that her dad has a bunch of money now that she’s fighting with her grandparents!
I was going leaving the Lane/Band plot until the end of the review (short version – Zach only writes songs named after ladies. He’s never written one for Lane. Lane mentions it, Zach is a dick about it, so Brian starts writing a song for Lane and now Zach has sad man pain.) Then I saw this Amish Hipster on Extended Rumspringa:
The commitment it takes to let portions of your facial hair grow like weeds after a heavy rain yet shave your upper lip, chin, and half your cheeks? Respect. But if that “beard” is an upside down child-sized wig glued to his neck because it’s all wardrobe could find on short notice, then it’s the GREATEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN.
Maybe it’s a merkin?
The band’s showcase is a disaster because Zach is a walking scrotum. It devolves into an actual fight after he throws the setlist out and tries to fight Brian onstage.
Then Lane and Zach break up. Good. I hope they stay that way.
Back in Stars Hollow, Luke tells his sister about Poochie. He still hasn’t told Lorelai. Later, Lorelai tells Luke all about C-Money (after she already met with him twice in secret.) He’s fine with it because he’s now a father, too. Lorelai still doesn’t know about Poochie.
Sister Smarmy calls Rory to tell her how sorry she is that Rory and Smarmy broke up. This is news to Rory, she thought they weren’t speaking. So Luke and Rory mope through Thanksgiving/Rory’s Back so Let’s Shower Her With Food dinner.
This was a very pointless episode.