Rory & Lorelai went to Atlantic City! Funny, I just got back from almost a week in Las Vegas. I don’t think I had nearly as much fun as they did. Though I did see a woman (who looked older than me) throw up on the bridge to Treasure Island and a 23-year-old guy called her a champion. And I’m not really into video poker, I’m more an Invaders From the Planet Moolah! penny slot kind of girl. If I could get that game on my phone and play it without money, I totally would. It moos at you!
The girls also run into a guy who looks like Luke and who is a professional Dolly Parton impersonator. This is played as “OMG, DRAG QUEENS, ISN’T THAT, LIKE, SO FUNNY!” You shut up, show! As a dedicated member of the RuPaul’s Drag Race fandom, I would like to point out how hard drag queens work to put on great fucking shows. Do you know how honored I’d be if someone told me I could pass as the legendary Dolly Parton?
(I’ve always thought Jolene can be taken two ways – as a straightforward song from a woman begging another not to take her man, or as a sarcastic “take the motherfucker” song told with biting southern politeness.)
Lorelai and Sookie try to plan Lorelai’s wedding but she doesn’t seem to have any thoughts about what she wants. It’s ok, Lorelai. I didn’t, either. This is what happened when I started planning my wedding: I opened TheKnot.com’s list of wedding to-dos, saw it was about 9 million items long (items including a fucking ICE SCULPTURE), closed my browser, and told my husband-to-be we were getting married in Vegas. I booked a package, booked a reception package, bought a dress (fought & cried over the dress), and called it a fucking day. And I have to say – my wedding was perfect. We didn’t have an Elvis or shag carpeting or a dude dressed as Wayne Newton, it was actually a very calm, elegant affair. Big ups to anyone who did the big wedding thing or wants to do the wedding planning thing, it just was not for me. I don’t have the patience. I didn’t want to spend months yelling at people about flowers or dress colors. So I didn’t!
Rory finally goes back to Yale and she ends up living with Paris and Doyle in a “rough” neighborhood. Paris really plays up the “white people trying to be ok with living in a ‘scary’ part of town” thing. I like that both the outside and the inside of their apartment looks like crap, as if Paris never though to throw up a coat of fresh paint or a mirror without a crack in it.
Lorelai and Sookie end up in a bridal boutique looking at dresses. Lorelai is apprehensive but she shouldn’t be – she’s thin! Literally every dress on the market is made to fit her. If you want to really have a good time looking for wedding dresses, be a fat girl with lifelong self-esteem issues you thought you left in high school. It’ll make all those insecurities come rushing back and leave you sobbing in the fitting rooms while the salesgirls insist you need to wear a dress 4 sizes bigger than you actually are because “bridal runs small!” (It didn’t run small for me – I wore a dress that was my regular dress size and it had to be taken in at the waist.)
Lorelai finds the Perfect Dress. I guess? Maybe it looks better on. From this angle it looks like it’s spouting boob flowers:
Fucking strapless dresses. Lorelai will look great in one because she doesn’t have what I have – HEAVY BOOBS:
I’m sure I’ve posted that before. I don’t care. It is my anthem. I want everyone I know to set this as the ringtone that plays when I call. If I were a WWE wrestler, I would walk to the ring while this song played in the background.
Lorelai’s wedding plans have fallen into place and she’s set the date – June 3rd. It even starts snowing, which she takes as a sign. Luke still has a plot device child running around that she doesn’t know about. Could Poochie run this fated wedding? (YES, OF COURSE.)
Rory returns to the Yale paper where Paris is running the place like a dictatorship. How is Rory supposed to do all of the things she’s signed up for this semester? Two extra classes to make up for the semester she took off, a job at the Stanford paper, and writing on the Yale paper? Maybe she has a Time-Turner? Smarmy shows up because he is the literal worst and needs to continue fucking up Rory’s life.
After freaking out about Rory’s shitty apartment, Lorelai tells Rory that her wedding is planned but it shouldn’t be because marriage isn’t easy. I’m not sure that tracks, but, ok. My wedding was hella easy to plan. Being married isn’t exactly easy, but it’s not OMG SO HARD. What makes marriage “hard” is all the life stuff that happens that affects the marriage itself. Things like deaths or major illnesses or infertility.
Luke goes to see Anna Nardini, Poochie’s mother. She runs a knickknacks shop out of her house. What does it say that all of Amy Sherman-Palladino’s characters run their own businesses (Luke – diner, Lorelai & Sookie – Inn, Spacey Grandpa – Insurance (for awhile), Mrs. Kim – Antique shop)? Even in Bunheads, the woman runs a dance studio.
This is a good place to mention an interesting factoid that I learned today from a Tumblr friend who is a huge Gilmore Girls fan. Back in the mid 90s, ASP had a show called Love & Marriage that only ran for two episodes. The main character’s name? April Nardini. Wikipedia says the following:
Jack, who manages a parking garage by day, and his wife April, who works nights waitressing in a Manhattan restaurant, barely have any time to spend together, or with their three children Michael, Gemmy and Christopher. Louis and Trudy, and son Max, are their new neighbors from New Rochelle, New York.
Huh. I wonder if son Max is anything like Broody? Or Smarmy (who is just Tristan pt 2)?
Luke definitely has a type. Anna is a dark haired, blue-eyed woman, just like Lorelai. Anna and Luke are both blue-eyed people, meaning Poochie should have blue eyes, too. She doesn’t. But he wants to know things about Poochie’s life so he goes to her geocities page that’s a proto MySpace page filled with pictures of Poochie’s (boring) life.
Back at Yale, Smarmy follows Rory to her apartment to tell her that he said they were broken up because he doesn’t understand what having a fight with his girlfriend actually means. She tells him they’re done (God, I wish) and then he’s all “I LOVE YOU!” He doesn’t.
Lane’s back at her mother’s place after her falling out with Zach. Mrs. Kim decides that she’s moped around enough so she pours them both shots of some sort of booze. I love this scene. I love watching Mrs. Kim and Lane’s relationship change as they both try to come to terms with each other as adults.
Luke is about to tell Lorelai about his mystery Poochie when she decides she needs his opinion on her wedding dress. I take back my earlier statement – it does not look better on.
So he doesn’t tell her, probably because he just had to tell her that it looks like leftovers from the Rose Parade have been glued to a cheap bodice.
Ugh. I don’t want to deal with any more of this “LORELAI DOESN’T KNOW!” crap.