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I’ll admit it – I’ve never been the biggest Beyonce fan. I’ve liked at least one song off each of her albums since the Destiny’s Child days, but I’ve usually just bought the songs I wanted off iTunes only after they became intolerable ear worms. And then there was Lemonade. This album is a game changer. This is the album that takes Beyonce from pop star to Artist. “Daddy Lessons” and “Don’t Hurt Yourself” grabbed me right away for different reasons. “Daddy Lessons” hits that old school country button. I’m positive Dolly Parton heard that song and wished she wrote it. And “Don’t Hurt Yourself”…damn. The anger in that song. It’s the same anger I feel whenever I hear “Precious Things” by Tori Amos. I know Lemonade isn’t meant for me. But I relate to the rage I feel in “Don’t Hurt Yourself.”
Oh, and any bullshit article floating around talking about how Lemonade saved Tidal can suck it. I’m going to bet most of us just waited for it to drop on iTunes. If anything helped Tidal, it’s the fact that it’s the only place you can stream Prince’s music.
Before I start talking about this episode, I wanted to address something. I am really, really, REALLY surprised that both the Gilmore Guys gave last episode (613) a 10 out of 10. I listen to their show after I post my review just to see if what I thought was vastly different from their take and to see if they caught things that I may have missed. They are much more respectful and insightful than I. Usually, my opinions don’t differ that wildly from the general consenus of the Guys and their guest(s)…until last episode. I think I figured out why. The last scene is what cemented a 10 of 10 from everyone on the podcast. It was a good scene, but it didn’t blow my mind because it was unnecessary. Nothing will change in the show because of this fight. So, yes, great performances by the cast but it was kind of useless. However – what prevented me from really seeing last episode as THE BEST was the fact that Smarmy outshown Rory during the newspaper thing. That was supposed to be her moment to shine. And instead of allowing Rory to be the one who saves the day with her quick thinking or skills, SMARMY saves the day because he has the right last name and the ability to tell a good lie. I wonder if this hit me harder than it hit the Guys because I’m a woman. I honestly don’t think they caught how fucked up that whole plot point was, and that’s not through any fault of their own. Most every woman out there knows what it’s like to take a backseat to a man who gets credited with saving the day/project/whatever, even if she worked harder than he did. Was it a team effort? Sure, but it was only a team effort because Smarmy is trying to get back on Rory’s good side. I doubt he would have stayed to put the paper to bed if they hadn’t been fighting. And so he stays, works on something he doesn’t give two shits about, and saves the day not through hard work or determination, but by enlisting the same bullshit rich guy attitude we’ve seen since day one. This is leaving out any mention of the fact that Smarmy saved the day after Paris, another woman, fucked the whole thing.
I also didn’t like that the Gilmores thought it was funny that Judgy WASP Mom fat shamed Mama Smarmy. Just because the entire Gilmore family is immune to calories doesn’t mean everyone else is as lucky.
At Friday Night Dinner, the only thing anyone can talk about without screaming is Luke and Lorelai’s wedding. Lorelai, who has a fundamental problem with the very basics of human communication, decides to tell her mother that her wedding date is June 3rd. That’s much better than telling her that they hadn’t picked a date yet. This means Luke has to come to Friday Night Dinner next week. I’m sure Emily will make sure she busts out her very best Poor Person Scotch Guard so he doesn’t stain the furniture with the Poor Person Oils he exudes from his being. (This is only because Judgy WASP Mom has no idea that Luke is probably richer than she is.)
Back at the house, the girls prepare a bunch of garbage food and discuss how good the dog would look in a Yale sweatshirt. They don’t make them for dogs. Shame.
After the disaster at the paper, Paris has been voted out by her staff. This is probably for the best as she is really Howard Hughes-ing it up in her creepy bunker filled with A Beautiful Mind wallpaper. After she leaves, the million people on the staff of the paper are struggling to come to a consenses on who should be the next editor when they land on Rory because she suggested they take a break and get some coffee. If she’d suggested smoking a bowl two days ago this all would have already been over.
Apparently, Rory has never met Paris because she’s actually surprised that Paris kicked her out of their apartment. I’m sure all that time she spent with Smarmy made her think that Paris was going to hire a coffee cart filled with Birkin bags to say congratulations on the new job. (Again – isn’t Rory supposed to be working at that Stanford paper, too?)
Rory calls Smarmy to tell him that she can’t find any student housing in the middle of the semester (I’m shocked! SHOCKED, I SAY!) so Smarmy talks her into moving in with him.
At Lorelai’s insistence, Rory invites C-Money to Yale as a prize for giving her money to go there. He wants to see her apartment, so Rory takes him to Smarmy’s fancy Rich Guy loft. Turns out C-Money and Smarmy have so much in common! They’ve both been kicked out of every private school on the East Coast! (This is just more evidence for the Smarmy is Tristan theory. I posit that Amy Sherman-Palladino wanted Rory with a rich bad boy since the show’s inception, but Chad Michael Murray left the show and Alexis Bledel pulled some strings to get her then-boyfriend cast in order to complete the Dean-Rory-Other Guy love triangle. Had Chad Michael Murray not left the show, I bet we would have watched Rory bounce back and forth between Tristan and Dean for the entirety of the show.)
C-Money, who is a trashcan filled with the burning dreams of every woman he has ever encountered, thinks Smarmy is a “cool guy.” No surprise. They are both terrible and game recognizes game.
Luke and Lorelai go to Friday Night Dinner. Luke is already irritated because Lorelai has decided he’s the inn’s new handyman that she pays in sex. Lorelai is using sex as a tool to make Luke do what she wants. Cool, cool. I see absolutely no problems with this (#sarcasm.) At the dinner, Spacey Grandpa is talking to them about insurance when he drops a mention of Poochie into the conversation. How the hell did he know about that? Lorelai specifically told Rory that she didn’t tell her parents about postponing the wedding because she didn’t want to get into the daughter thing. And they know? HOW?
They also know that Luke owns all the buildings in Stars Hollow, which is probably why Judgy WASP Mom didn’t seal him in a bubble to prevent him from breathing any of her air. Everyone talks about insurance, and for some reason both Luke and Lorelai actually buy into it instead of writing it off like they normally would.
After dinner, C-Money calls Lorelai to tell her that Rory moved in with Smarmy. He says he hates to tell her the news but in his head you can see him doing a jig because he gest to stir up trouble and cause drama.
Lorelai is fine with it and she tells Rory so when she calls. The end. (This was a pretty boring episode.)