Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 6, Episode 15 “A Vineyard Valentine”

I see we’ve entered the “Lorelai in nothing but low cut wrap dresses” part of the show.

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Look, I get that Lorelai is a member of the itty bitty titty committee, but isn’t something this low cut too low for a work situation?

Lorelai, known Cool Girl, is pulled away from explaining to her friend why Luke is totally right about Valentine’s Day not being a real holiday by a zydeco band. Googling “zydeco” gave me the following definition:

a kind of black American dance music originally from southern Louisiana, typically featuring accordion and guitar.

In what world is Lorelai a fan of zydeco music? And why did she ever think that Luke would want this at his wedding? Maybe it’s a good thing they’re “postponing” it.

This episode was written by Daniel Palladino. The zydeco band makes so much more sense now.

It’s Valentine’s Day weekend and Smarmy has the brilliant idea to take Rory to Martha’s Vineyard for the weekend…and invite her mom and boyfriend along! How romantic. Who wouldn’t want spend a romantic weekend centered around romance, champagne, and fucking with their mom?

Also – Martha’s Vineyard? In February? Have you been to Massachusetts in February? I have. It’s cold and grey and you might need one of those special UV lights to combat SAD.

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I grew up in Colorado where, contrary to popular belief, it’s actually quite sunny most of the time. It’s not uncommon to have snow in the morning that disappears by noon after the sun comes out. And even on cold days you can still feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. Not the case in Boston. There was one winter when I don’t think I saw the sun from January to March. The snow on the streets had become dirty piles of trash and ice. I honestly thought that I would never see the sun again. So take all that and put it 4 miles offshore.

Lorelai talks Luke into going to the Vineyard. He’s the only one asking the hard questions. Questions like, “Hey…don’t you hate Smarmy with the fire of ten thousands suns falling into a thousand hotter, more firey stars?” Lorelai, who can’t remember what kind of music she likes or when she met her fiance from episode to episode, thinks she’s ok with Smarmy. No one is ok with Smarmy. I think even Rory secretly hates him but she’s so passive she doesn’t know how to get away from him.

When they arrive at Casa de Smarmy they’re given a room that is the kind of ugly that only rich people can get away with – everything is covered in some sort of floral print and it all clashes, but because everything is expensive the decor is seen as “tasteful.”

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Right?

Luke is being all weird about having to stay at the Smarmy house. I kind of get it – it’s always weird to be someone’s guest. But you probably shouldn’t hide in your room, because then you’re the weird one.

Luke and Lorelai go for a walk on the beach:

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and I’m just like:

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That beach is in Venice or Santa Monica. If you pan over I bet you can still see Broody’s dad’s food stand.

Because nothing of consequence is happening in this episode, we spend time with the characters at the gym. Then they all eat dinner. We learn that Luke has never had lobster which…how? Didn’t we have that whole plot a billion episodes ago where Luke was pulling gourmet meals out of his ass when Sookie was on bed rest? Suddenly, he’s Blue Collar Joe who has never had lobster despite the fact that he’s lived on the East Coast all his life. Dude, you can buy lobster rolls EVERYWHERE in beach towns. In fancy restaurants or out of a food cart, they are legion.

Smarmy tells Luke that he’s going to give Rory a Valentine’s present at dinner. Surprise! Luke doesn’t have anything for Lorelai! Instead of letting Logan do his thing and picking up something for Lorelai when they’re back in Stars Hollow, Luke agrees to take one of the gifts Smarmy bought for Rory to give to Lorelai.

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Questions!

  1. Why would Smarmy offer this to Luke? He’s not a giving person or a nice person. What is he  getting out of this exchange?
  2. Why would Luke accept this offer? He already feels overshadowed by Smarmy’s money (though we all know Luke is one rich motherfucker.) Why would he allow himself to feel even worse by accepting the “extra” present?

Luke is too proud for this. Apparently he forgot?

After dinner and the gift thing, Luke thinks the Vineyard is the best place and Smarmy is the best guy. Those lobsters must have been drugged. Luke and Lorelai reiterate that they love each other and that they will get married (LOL, ok.) Then Poppa Smarmy walks in. Smarmy was supposed to be hanging out with all Poppa Smarmy’s super important newspaper people and he didn’t show and Poppa Smarmy is pissed. I actually feel a little bad for him. But not too bad because Smarmy is terrible and fuck that guy.

Lorelai returns home to learn that she still won’t be meeting Poochie any time soon and that Judgy WASP Mom put a wedding announcement in the paper so now everyone thinks she’s getting married on June 3rd. All her relatives are calling to tell her that they’re saving the date because none of them know how getting invited to a wedding works.

 

 

 

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