Over/under on Rory getting back together with Smarmy before the end of the episode?
We begin this episode with Paris dressing Smarmy down in such a perfect way that I had to watch it several times in order to transcribe it.
You, Logan Huntsberger, are nothing but a two-bit, spoiled, waste of a trust fund. You offer nothing to women or the world in general. If you were to disappear from the face of the Earth tomorrow, the only person that would miss you is your Porche dealer.
Take me to church, Paris!
Smarmy pulls the “I didn’t think we were together so it’s not cheating!” crap and Rory rolls right over because this girl has less of a spine than an amoeba.
Meanwhile, Luke has been invited to chaperone Poochie’s class trip to Philadelphia. He thinks it’s going to be fun. I think it’s going to be 30 Gigis on a bus screaming until they burst Luke’s eardrums.
Rory comes home to Stars Hollow to show her mother just how little backbone she posses and to annoy Michele. Anything that annoys Michele is aces in my book.
Spacey Grandpa and Judgy WASP Mom call because they’re lost and their GPS is confusing them. Lorelai says of their issues, “If I told people, they wouldn’t believe it.” Sadly, I absolutely believe them. Ask me about my father’s insistence of using his outdated GPS when I was trying to drive using my phone’s GPS. His was giving incorrect directions extremely loudly and he didn’t want to turn it off because he didn’t believe my phone. Older parents vs. new technology! GOOD TIMES!
The elder Gilmores are coming over for dinner, so Lorelai enlists Sookie’s help in throwing something together. Sookie thinks Lorelai’s need for gross food means she’s pregnant but it really means that Sookie doesn’t know Lorelai at all. Get excited if she orders a salad, not a banquet-sized order of chili cheese fries.
Judgy WASP Mom is her normal snippy self when she arrives – she doesn’t like the paint color, she doesn’t like the wainscoting, she doesn’t like that Lorelai never invited her over to see all the things she hates.
After they leave, Lorelai tells Rory about Luke’s planned Nightmare Trip with Poochie. Rory gets the brilliant idea to go stalk Poochie’s mom, which Lorelai doesn’t think is a good idea. Rory goes anyway. Fun fact – Poochie’s Mom is selling the same bracelets Judgy WASP Mom bought for Rory’s birthday way back in season 1 or 2.
After buying the “authentic” Pan Am Stewardess Bag, Rory gives it to her mother and tries to act like being sneaky and underhanded is totally normal behavior to anyone other than Smarmy. Lorelai is, understandably, freaked out and upset. They put it behind them and go to see Final Destination 3 (again.) When they get back to the diner Lorelai asks Caesar for a copy of Sid Fields’s book. This is a deep cut that I’m not sure Lorelai would actually have any knowledge of? It’s a screenwriting book that’s still in use today, though it has been phased out in favor of books like Robert McKee’s Story and Blake Snyder’s Save the Cat!
Luke has a new bag and Lorelai thinks it’s because she finally convinced him to buy new luggage. Rory tells her that Poochie’s mom had that same bag in her store, and it had to have come from her story because she sells “one of a kind things.”
I used to stock bags just like that at DSW. One of a kind, it is not.
After ruining her mother’s day, Rory goes back to Smarmy’s place to pretend like she’s still not mad at him for cheating on her. She spent the entire episode ignoring his phone calls but she can’t confront him and tell him that he’s a terrible boyfriend and that she wants out of the relationship.
Oh, and Zach and Mrs. Kim write a song together. Now Zach can marry Lane. Her last line of defense has fallen and she’s doomed to marry a guy who isn’t all that smart or fun to be around and who takes himself way to seriously. The Gilmore Guys are correct when they say Lane is the most tragic figure on this show – she deserves so much better than she’s got right now. She should have moved to New York to wait tables in some shitty diner there while playing music at night. And if that’s too expensive, go to Philly! Move to LA! Somewhere that has more than Stars Hollow has to offer. Instead, she’s stuck in small ass Stars Hollow with crappy Zach. Maybe they won’t make it to the alter. Maybe Zach will get run over by Kirk, who is drunk on the power of his new realtor job and not paying attention to the road. As long as it didn’t damage any of the roadsigns or surrounding property, I doubt Taylor would care (as long as it was cleaned up properly.) Unfortunately, I don’t think Lane is that lucky.