In the cold open, Rory says that Dog Paul Anka is not well trained because Lorelai gave him “too much affection, not enough discipline.” She’s talking about a dog, but we all know who she was really talking about (spoiler: herself.)
This is a Daniel episode, which explains “Real Paul Anka/Dog Paul Anka” cold open. It’s decent.
Luke is on his way to hang out with a bunch of 12-year-old girls for 10 days, and Lorelai is pissed because he’s using the luggage Proto Lorelai gave him. She’s also (rightfully) pissed that Luke is going to introduce Broody to Poochie while she still hasn’t met her. Broody’s already met a Poochie – remember his dad’s girlfriend’s* kid who was pretending to be Harry Potter by reading in a cupboard? Weird, quirky child-adults – it’s the only kind of kid this show has.
* I didn’t realize this until I was listening to the Gilmore Guys: The actress that plays Proto Lorelai also played Broody’s dad’s girlfriend.
Luke has become the dumbest man on the show during the drive from his diner to the bus. I’ve noticed that whenever the show wants to illustrate how smart one of the characters is, the other characters around them (usually a male character) loses about 50 IQ points. Why would Luke, a guy who Lorelai praised for doing so well interacting with people at her parents vow renewal, suddenly be shit with names? And why would he care if he didn’t remember the names of every child within the first 5 seconds of arriving at the bus? If it’s that bad, throw some name tags on the kids and call it a day.
Meanwhile, Rory is still giving Smarmy the cold shoulder instead of grabbing her ovaries and breaking up with his sorry ass. Rory, in the words of the immortal queen Beyonce:
Of course, Rory is still young. How many of us wasted time on relationships that were bad for us when we were that age because we hadn’t developed an intolerance for bullshit yet? As women age, the amount of bullshit they’re willing to suffer through for a relationship decreases exponentially. Notice too that there is a general belief among insecure men that women over a certain age (usually about 24) are useless. I wonder if it’s because they know only naive girls won’t call them on their shitty behavior…nah, couldn’t be.
For the past two episodes, Smarmy has been trying to get Rory to believe his bullshit. Because she’s passive as all hell, she says she believes him to stop the conflict without having to do anything like stick up for herself or end the relationship, but she hasn’t forgiven him. Instead, she turns off his alarm, she refuses to have dinner with him, and then she steals all his research to write the story she assigned him for the paper. That last one is pretty fucking questionable for someone who was, just last episode, on a panel debating journalistic ethics.
In response to her passive aggressive behavior, Smarmy has all his drunk idiot friends come over without telling Rory. I’m no Smarmy fan, but I’m with him here. She wants to be a passive aggressive bitch instead of talking about their problems? Then he gets to give it right back.
Smarmy and his dumb friends decide to go jump out of a plane and, I don’t know, touch dicks on a raft while they rip bong hits out of a cigar? It’s all very convoluted. One thing I’m sure of – it involves a bunch of drunk, spoiled rich kids going somewhere they shouldn’t and probably ruining the habitat of a rare platypus or some other equally ridiculous animal.
As always seems to happen to Rory, she gets reminded that there are other men in the world when a letter from Broody’s publishing house arrives in her mailbox. The more I think about it, the more it seems like Rory is one of those people who jumps from relationship to relationship and doesn’t remain single for long. You know those people – they’re never single for more than a week and the minute they’re in a relationship again that relationship is TRUE LOVE.
Spacey Grandpa and Judgy WASP Mom are shopping for a house in Stars Hollow. (Maybe. There’s no confirmation.) Lorelai, who cannot talk about anything unless she’s working on her pop culture tight five standup set, immediately starts telling them how terrible the town is while never asking them directly if they are looking for a house.
In Philadelphia, Luke goes to Broody’s publishing company’s open house. I don’t like Broody as a boyfriend for Rory. But Broody & Luke together?
I want the revival to be nothing but a four-part mini series about Luke and Broody learning to love each other as surrogate father and son.
Broody shows Luke around. How proud must Luke be right now? The wayward kid turned good, found his footing, and made something of himself just like Luke knew he could? And he is so proud, he even tells him so after Broody gives him a check of the money he owed Luke from when they lived together.
By now, Rory has appeared to ruin the great Luke/Broody vibe. UGH. Now I have to go back to hating Broody until Rory goes back to Yale where I can hate Smarmy. (My life is really hard, you guys.)
Rory and Broody kiss. Its terrible and awful. I’m not saying that because it’s Broody. I’m saying that because the only reason Rory went to Philly and the only reason she’s kissing Broody is to get back at Smarmy. It’s really not cool for her to use Broody like that when he still has genuine feelings for her.
Right after I typed the paragraph above Rory admits that she’s only there to cheat on Smarmy but she can’t do it. Broody says that he doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t. But he also says that Rory came to Philly alone as if that means that she’s obligated to fuck him just because she appeared. Ahhh. There it is. That old feeling of turing on Broody instantly the minute he garnered some of my good will!
There’s also a plot about Lorelai hemming Mrs. Kim’s wedding dress so Lane can wear it. It’s a lot of dress, but it looks a a lot like a traditional hanbok (granted a much larger, rounder one.) Kimchi, one of the current contenders for the RuPaul’s Drag Race crown, wore one during one of the runway challenges this season:
When she walked out in this, my jaw dropped. I’ve never seen her look more beautiful than she did in this challenge. Here she is in gif form:
Lorelai spills coffee on the dress so Lane doesn’t have to wear it, which is ok for Lane but terrible for Mrs. Kim. She’s going to be heartbroken. Thanks for being an asshole, Lorelai.