It’s the morning after Lane’s wedding and Lorelai is mortified and hung over, a winning combination. She chokes down a mixture of shame and coffee (The Breakfast of Champions) and threatens to kill everyone making a loud noise.
Rory’s at the hospital with Smarmy. Colin and Finn are there, making light of the entire situation because they’re complete assholes. I’m glad she finally realized how shitty their antics are in serious situations (remember their bullshit at the police station after the yacht?) She tells them to go home and then goes to Smarmy’s room, where he is (unfortunately) not dead.
Rory can’t get any information from the hospital because she’s not family. When people were protesting marriage equality, this scene should have been played on a loop. THIS is why marriage equality is important. Imagine not being able to find out any information about the person you love when they’re lying in a hospital bed. Rory’s lucky she’s even allowed in to see him – there were several examples of people who couldn’t even see their loved ones as they died because of these “family only” rules.
Luke (and the stupid troubadour) are back in Stars Hollow. Luke tells Lorelai that he heard about her wedding toast, the one where she sang “Endless Love.” God bless Miss Patty for lying for Lorelai. It’s very sweet but probably not the best thing for her to do at this point. Lorelai and Luke need to have a come to Jesus moment and they need to have it soon.
They go shopping and Luke finally decides to tell Lorelai why he won’t introduce her to Poochie: It’s because he’s afraid she’ll like Lorelai better. This is the most childish, immature reason to not introduce someone to another person. I might be able to understand if Luke didn’t want to introduce someone he was dating to Lorelai because they’d immediately want to date Lorelai (I had a Lorelai friend in high school that made dudes forget I existed) but a kid? Really? You gonna count the number of presents that Santa left under the tree to make sure he didn’t leave Lorelai one more than you, too?
He’s such a dick about it, too. Lorelai should have handed her ring back right then and there and never spoken to him again. He’s being childish and unreasonable. It’s gross.
Luke’s throwing a party for Poochie and her friends. Surprise! He’s terrible at it. He calls Lorelai who immediately runs over and takes the girls to the makeup store. There are about 20 girls at this party and Lorelai lets them each buy a basket full of whatever they want. That must have cost her a fortune.
Meanwhile, Rory is the only person at the hospital with Smarmy because everyone hates him and wishes he was dead. This is a recurring theme for Rory – she was also the only person at the hospital with Pretty Hair when she went into labor with Gigi. Rory has had enough of Poppa Smarmy’s nonsense so she calls him and tells him he’s an ass. Good for you, Rory. You may develop a spine after all.
Back at the party, Lorelai has saved the day with makeovers and chips and a way better gift than Luke’s toiletry kit. Poochie looks adorable and seems to be happy. They turn the party into a sleepover and watch Pretty In Pink. The party is a hit…until Proto Lorelai shows up to yell at Luke for…I’m not actually sure what her issue is. I guess I understand that she’s mad because she never met Lorelai and Lorelai was the one to be in the same room with the girls while they were sleeping. Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids, and maybe it’s because it was never a big deal when I was a kid, but I would spend the night over at my friends houses and my parents barely knew their parents. They knew their names, they knew addresses and phone numbers, but it’s not like they were buddy buddy. There were also times when I’d spend the night at a friend’s and maybe my mom only met the other mom because the dad was at work. She didn’t have a fit when she learned that the father came home to his own house and stayed there while I was there, too!
Lorelai goes to Proto Lorelai’s store to introduce herself and apologize for throwing her daughter a fun party. Proto Lorelai explains that the reason she can’t let Poochie meet Lorelai is because Lorelai and Luke might break up and that could hurt Poochie’s feelings. She doesn’t introduce Poochie to any of the men she dates. While I understand this tendency, once you’re engaged, I think it’s pretty safe to introduce you kid. If Luke and Lorelai had been dating for two weeks, I would be 100% on Proto Lorelai’s side. But they’re engaged. They dated for at least a year at this point. They’ve known each other for forever. Proto Lorelai says “engaged isn’t married” as if people don’t get divorced or even die. The urge to protect your child is a strong one, but you can’t protect them from everything. Proto Lorelai could date a man for years, only introduce Poochie when they become engaged, marry him and then get divorced 4 years later. Marriage isn’t a “get out of hurt free” card. It never has been.
Poppa Smarmy finally visits his dumb son at the dumb hospital. Rory, overcome by guilt, says she’s sorry for being mad at Smarmy. Yes, apologize for being mad at him for cheating on you. Good call, Rory.