Smarmy surprises Rory by just showing up on the rooftop of the apartment that he pays for. He has amazing timing because he calls her just when she’s walking to the door of their apartment, so either he has a GPS tracker on her like he’s fucking Batman or he was standing up there with binoculars scanning the roads for her car (also like Batman.) They have dinner but they don’t have crazy rooftop sex. (Side note – I love the Smarmy walked right out of college and into a C-suite level position with no effort whatsoever. Nepotism! It’s what’s for dinner.)
Lorelai and Paul Anka have gone to stay at C-Money’s place for the evening and it looks nothing like the place he lived in last season. It looks like Smarmy lives there. (Doesn’t he still live in Boston?) He takes out a letter and shows it to Lorelai – it’s from Gigi’s mom. He says “it’s the first I’ve heard of her since the divorce was final.” Wait.
C-Money and Pretty Hair were married? Since when? Did I completely miss that? I though he just knocked her up and then she ran off when the baby was young. I remember that he and Pretty Hair had broken up but had to get back together because of the baby. I don’t recall any wedding in there. Baby shower, yes. Wedding? No. And this show fucking LOVES weddings.
Then we meet The Smell. The horrible smell that is like a combination of heart attacks and rotten cabbage. This is a bad smell. This is the worst smell that ever smelled. This is the Donald Trump of smells!
Also – Lorelai, those boots do not match your outfit:
Those boots are the boots you fall in love with from across the shoe store. You see them and gasp because they are so beautiful and so perfect and YOU MUST HAVE THEM. Aren’t you lucky – there is one pair left! And it’s in your size! And on sale! So you buy them and walk around for the rest of the day in some sort of happy boot haze until you get home and realize you have absolutely nothing to wear with the most perfect boots you’ve ever seen. So you put them in your closet and every time you’re out shopping you’re on the lookout for the perfect outfit to go with your perfect boots but you can’t find anything that comes close to that level of unbridled perfection. And then, one day, you look in your closet and see the boots and you realize you’ve had the boots for longer than George Burns was alive and you get sad because you’ve never worn them so you cobble together an outfit that really doesn’t do the boots justice but you have to because you’re now obligated to these boots; these boots you promised would have a good boot life if they came home with you and you’ve neglected them and ignored them and completely broken your promise. So you wear them. You wear them just once because you can’t stop thinking about how they don’t match your outfit and at the end of the day you put them back in your closet, ashamed. Six years later you donate them to Goodwill. You never get over the guilt.
The Smell is being caused by pickles. Taylor, in his infinite wisdom, doesn’t want Stars Hollow to be responsible for cleaning up the pickle mess by the tracks, but everyone out votes him. Everything here, save Miss Patty laughing at Babette’s joke and Luke’s weird mannerisms, feels more like the Gilmore Girls of old. I like it.
The coffee cup here is called “We don’t have any other coffee cups except for the PA’s empty Starbucks cup that we fished out of the trash…Fuck it, just don’t show the logo.”
Pretty Hair wants Gigi to come to Paris for the summer. C-Money, who had no problem letting his eldest daughter grow up without him is all, “GREAT IDEA! LOR, YOU WANNA BONE ALL DAY AND NIGHT? KID’S GONE!” Lorelai isn’t impressed with his parenting skills, but she is impressed with his ability to go from zero to Hedonism Bot in two seconds.
Lorelai goes to the inn and apparently she just came from hanging out with C-Money. Again, doesn’t he still live in Boston? When Lorelai tells Sookie about Pretty Hair and Gigi, she can’t believe that “mani pedi twice a week” Pretty Hair is doing yoga. Of course she’s doing yoga! Those things are complementarty!
Rory calls her mom and tells her she can’t make it to Friday night Dinner because she’s celebrating Smarmy’s business success in Manhattan. When she arrives, she’s visibly thrown off when she sees the “team” at dinner. I think it’s rather obvious that he’d be out celebrating with his colleagues, right? Rory is upset because one of them is a LADY. OH NO. NOT A LADY! I BET SHE HAS A VAGINA AND EVERYTHING!
Smarmy’s team is British, or they claim to be. I don’t know if I buy that all these actors have real accents. They ask if she drinks. Don’t try to match the Brits drink for drink, Rory! You will fail! I tried doing that once. It was a bad decision.
Special shout out to the hairband song playing in C-Money’s car – “18 to Life” by Skid Row.
I miss Gil. I wonder what he’s doing in the world of the show. I wonder if all those pickles were supposed to go to his sandwich shop and now he’s stuck serving pickle-less sandwiches to sad customers.
Lorelai mentions that maybe C-Money would want to go supervise Pretty hair with the kid before just sending her to a foreign country blind to a woman who doesn’t know dick about kids. Doesn’t he know how many terrible kidnapping stories start with one parent taking the kids overseas and never coming back? Second to “Women Killing Their Husbands,” it’s the biggest catalyst for plots to Lifetime movies! C-Money thinks Lorelai is just upset because she’s threatened by Pretty Hair instead of being worried that Pretty Hair will turn her daughter into a yoga mat.
At dinner, Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa have the unenviable task of trying to act like their guests aren’t in some stupid fight. Are we seriously not talking about how Judgy WASP Mom got ARRESTED last episode? How is that not something Lorelai is mentioning in every sentence? Finally, C-Money and Lorelai decide to go to Paris together. They do it in front of the Elder Gilmores, which, ugh. I hate this. I hate that we have to pretend that the usually astute Judgy WASP Mom had NO IDEA that something was off with her daughter until Lorelai and C-Money made up. And I hate that we have to wait until now to talk about how she’s a criminal! That should be the only topic of conversation allowed!
After their dinner, Rory tells Smarmy that she’s jealous because Bobbie is a LADY! OH NO! A LADY!
After Friday Night Dinner (where Rory shows up), C-Money drives them all back to Stars Hollow. Why is Rory in the car with them? Didn’t she just drive to her grandparents house?