Based on the title of this episode alone, I’m guessing that IT’S TIME FOR THE LETTER FALLOUT, BITCHES!
It will not be this adorable.
Sookie arrives at Lorelai’s house at an ungodly hour bearing muffin tops and coffee. She’s trying to bribe Lorelai into watching her terrible hellspawn children. Lorelai agrees because Sookie spiked the muffins with some sort of forgetfulness potion.
Lorelai is in love with how good the coffee tastes. She should be, it’s from Luke’s. Luke makes the best coffee in the land! Does he really, though? Not everyone is so sure.
Meanwhile, Luke’s court date has finally arrived and he’s more concerned about where to park than he is about the possibility of losing his parental rights. Proto Lorelai has completed the transition from Lorelai Part 1 to Complete and Total Bitch For No Reason. It’s not really that surprising, considering that she thought it was a good idea to keep Poochie’s existence from Luke for the first 12 years of Poochie’s life. That alone should make any judge question this woman’s intentions. She even tries to pull the “you never had a long-term relationship, so that makes you a bad parent.”
RIGHT? Proto Lorelai’s insistence that Poochie not be around Lorelai was 25% of the reason that Luke and Lorelai broke up.
Rory goes back to Yale for her last semester and Paris has created a schedule for the both of them to follow so they will have…something?….at the end of the year. They’re both rich white girls who went to an Ivy. They’ll be fine.
To prove just how fine they’ll be, Rory asks Spacey Grandpa to set up an informational interview with the dean for her and Paris. He, of course, agrees.
When Lorelai goes to Sookie’s to watch the kids, Sookie is having an emotional breakdown over which sweater she wants to wear. After skiing, Lorelai asks Jackson why Sookie is acting so strange. It’s because Jackson thinks she’s pregnant. Turns out he never got that vasectomy Sookie wanted him to get and he never told her. They’ve been fucking without protection of any sort because he didn’t think it would matter.
Wow. Just…wow. This makes Jackson the most despicable male character in the show. He willfully had sex with Sookie knowing that she didn’t want any more children. This could be considered reproductive coercion. This is gross and it is certainly not something someone who respects his partner would do.
Granted, Sookie had no right to force him into a vasectomy, as he has a choice over what he wants to do with his body. But like I said in that review, this is something they need to talk about as a couple. If he can’t (or won’t) get a vasectomy for whatever reason, Sookie has a right to know that. She also has the right to decide to fuck him without being on birth control.
Apparently Sookie was still on the pill until she went off it a month ago. She didn’t think it was important to tell Jackson because she believed that he had a vasectomy. This entire relationship is a dumpster fire.
Me, reporting live from the scene of Sookie and Jackson’s relationship
Lorelai tries to make Sookie feel better about her unwanted pregnancy by talking about how cute babies are. Having an abortion is never mentioned. (Considering most American women who seek an abortion already have at least one child, you’d think it would have been brought up, even if she decided against it.)
During dinner with Paris, Rory sees Jessica Jones and Paris makes it awkward by demanding that she forgive Rory. She does, but only because she already broke up with Marty. Marty is weird as fuck and was totally in the wrong, but I don’t know if I feel good about this. Rory feels just fine about it.
C-Money has spent the entire episode installing a flat screen TV. Who wants to tell him it was supposed to go over the fireplace?
While looking for a level to check to see if the TV is straight, he finds a draft of Lorelai’s Luke letter. C-Money reads it as it’s read into the court record during Luke’s custody hearing. Lorelai blows a lot of smoke up Luke’s ass about how great he is. He’s so pleased he comes from satisfaction right there during the hearing.
It’s not really that “bad” of a letter (bad as in its content would cause problems between C-Money and Lorelai) but C-Money certainly doesn’t feel that way. Instead of just asking her about the letter, he sits at the table with a glass of booze and the letter waiting for her to come home. That’s not terrifying or anything!
C-Money thinks the letter reads like a love letter. I disagree. It sounds like a letter a friend would write about another friend. In fact, I was surprised at how non romantic it was, considering how secretive she’d been about the whole thing. C-Money is now convinced that Lorelai is still in love with Luke because Sookie brought her coffee from Luke’s diner. If that means love than I am romantically involved with every Starbucks location in Southern California. C-Money says he can’t handle being the rebound guy and he storms out. I’m guessing that when he slammed the door his flat screen fell off the wall and landed with an impotent “thud” on the hardwood below.
Luke calls the next day to report that Poochie isn’t being written off the show. We all weep.
And then Spacey Grandpa has a heart attack in class. Luckily there don’t seem to be any rules against students taking classes from their family members so Rory is there to witness the whole thing.