Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 7, Episode 16 “Will You Be My Lorelai Gilmore?”

SIX MORE REVIEWS ARE LEFT!

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This past week has been a dumpster fire. Too many people getting gunned down by the very people who are sworn to protect them. Too many officers dead at a peaceful protest. I feel helpless and I wish I knew what to do to help make this country better. All I can do is try to recognize my privilege and stand in solidarity with the POC across this country in saying that Black Lives Matter. To my fellow white people – saying Black Lives Matter doesn’t mean other lives DON’T. It’s like this – imagine you break your arm. You go to the emergency room and the doctor asks what’s wrong. You say, “I broke my arm!” The doctor looks at you, rolls his eyes and says, “You know, ALL BONES MATTER. Why are you so focused on that one?” And you’re all, “…because I broke this one?” And the doctor gets all huffy and says he doesn’t see breaks because all bones are the same before storming out of the room.

In 1990, when Voyager 1 left the solar system, NASA turned it around and had it take a picture at the request of Carl Sagan. It sent back a picture that would be come to be called Pale Blue Dot. In this picture, the Earth is the size of a pixel suspended in a beam of sunlight. This is all we are – a barely perceptible dot floating in the vastness of space. And yet we spend our very brief lives dealing with violence and racism and sexism and coming to terms with the evil that people do. Let’s hope that next week is a better one and let’s try to work together for a better tomorrow. At the end of the day, all we have is each other.

 

Rory and Lorelai are planning for Lane’s baby shower. They’re talking about having backup onesies so people can decorate more than one in case they hate the first one – kind of like how you’re supposed to throw out the first pancake. Are we supposed to be doing that? Have I been foolishly eating the first pancake all these years? Or am I magic for not burning my first pancake??? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!

Some guy from the New York Times calls Rory because she’s been trying to set up an information interview with him for weeks. She’ll be running off to New York to meet with that guy instead of setting up for Lane’s baby shower. While I understand that she needs to take the opportunity when it presents itself, I kind of feel like this is the show rubbing it into Lane’s face how awesome Rory’s life is and how shitty hers is.

In order to make her meeting, Rory stays at Smarmy’s place. He, having made a shitty business deal he’s sure to recover from because a)rich and b)lawyers, comes home at 3 a.m. drunk as shit. We’ve seen Smarmy drunk many times because drinking was all he did until this season, but we’ve never seen him helpless and whiney. Is this how he was behaving before he jumped off that cliff and almost killed himself?

Zach has been covering for Lane at Luke’s and he seems to not be terrible at it? He wants Luke to come to the baby shower but Luke is busy trying to solve the mystery of Who Is Selling Luke’s Boat. Looks like someone is about to be…hung out to dry.

TJ and Liz are selling the boat because it’s been sitting in their garage for a million years. It’s not really theirs to sell, but I get the impulse – who wants a boat you never use sitting in your garage? Liz tells Luke that he’s stuck because he fears change. This is true. But it’s more accurate to say that Luke fears doing ANYTHING. It’s not just change, it’s doing anything that is outside his normal routine. He suffers from inertia of the highest degree.

Lane and Mrs. Kim are at odds because Lane said her kids are never going to church. Instead of understanding how different Lane perceived church vs how she perceives church, Mrs. Kim stops talking to her daughter completely and decides not to attend Lane’s baby shower. Lorelai makes the face we all make when dealing with unreasonable people:

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Lorelai makes it all better. I do not care about Lorelai helping out with this. This should be between Lane and Mrs. Kim. Lorelai should be at home chasing Paul Anka or doing bits in front of the mirror. Lane has a contraction or something and needs to go to the hospital.

Luke, in his quest not to be a human rock, calls Poochie and offers to take her to Disney World over the summer. Poochie acts like Luke asked her to learn juggling with him so they can run off and join the circus. The way she acts like just the idea of Luke doing anything else but hanging out at the diner is ridiculous considering he was the one who took her on that bus trip with her class last season. And what kid doesn’t want to go to Disney World? I’m an old woman and I want to go to Disney World!

After the hospital visit, Lane’s on bed rest. She’s upset because she can’t go to her party now and this is the last party she’ll ever have. Lorelai tells her that mothers have parties, but Lane says that they can only have them for their kids. They sacrifice their entire lives and beings for their children! Instead of pointing out how terrifying this erasure of self sounds, everyone smiles like, “yeah, it’s true! We no longer exist as individual people!” Mrs. Kim declares that Lane will have her Final Party As A Real Person Party, never to celebrate anything of her own again.

When Rory gets back from her informational interview with the New York Times guy, Smarmy is still hanging out in his gross sweats instead of being ready to go to Lane’s shower. He finally tells Rory that he lost a bunch of money, which shouldn’t be this big a deal to a guy like him, and he’s a total failure. Oh, and he’s not going to Lane’s shower because he’s going to Vegas with Colin & Finn. So…Smarmy lost a shit ton of money, so much so that he’s declared himself a total failure and is beating himself up over how much money everyone lost…yet he’s still good to run off to Vegas at the drop of a hat with his rich boy friends? Uh huh. He and Proto Lorelai should compare notes on their definitions of “consistency.”

Lane’s baby shower gets moved to Miss Patty’s and everyone has to push her bed out of the house (???? How? Did they cut a hole in the wall?) and roll her down the street:

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This is a lot like how Jackson drove Sookie around in a golf cart when she had to be on bed rest during her pregnancy. So what have we learned about the way this show views pregnancies?

  1. It is super fucking easy to get pregnant and no one has fertility problems,
  2. No one uses birth control of any kind,
  3. All pregnancies result in bed rest, and
  4. All pregnancy/baby related things, like birth and breastfeeding, are super gross.

Everyone seems to have fun at the shower, including Gil who drew this sweet Bowie on a onesie:

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Not gonna lie, that’s fucking cool. He should have done another Bowie look on a second onesie and then Lane & Zach could coordinate the kids’ outfits.

Lane asks Rory to be the Lorelai to her kids just like Lorelai was to Lane. That’s…sweet? I guess? Maybe Lane should work on not being the terror her mother was so her kids won’t need a Lorelai?

Then they bring out the cake. Mmm…cake.

 

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