Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 7, Episode 19 “It’s Just Like Riding a Bike”

Three more reviews left after this one. THREE.

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Remember that time Britney Spears released an ode to threesomes that was also a perfume commercial?

No shame, BritBrit. Get it, girl. #Respect #NeverForget

It’s Lorelai’s return to Luke’s Diner! 19 episodes in and she finally makes her way back to one of the most important locations in the show. She and Luke have an awkward conversation about the weather and she darts off to the inn, thus depriving all the townies of their morning entertainment.

Sookie’s kids both have the chicken pox (even though they’ve been vaccinated.) I don’t have kids and I don’t spend a lot of time with kids, so I was surprised and delighted to learn that there is a chicken pox vaccine now. There wasn’t one available in the States until 1995. I was already many years past my bout with chicken pox by that time so there was no need for me to get the vaccine though I wish I’d been young enough to do so. All  I really remember from my chicken pox days was being covered in calamine lotion, Aveeno oatmeal baths, and my mom telling me to hurry up and get better as was her custom whenever we were sick.

Since Jackson has never had the chicken pox he has to go stay with Lorelai. I think Sookie is just trying to get rid of him because he is a horrible human being who fucked her without disclosing that he was still fertile. Proving that no good deed goes unpunished, Lorelai’s car explodes and she dies on the side of the road clutching her cell phone in one hand and a cup of Luke’s coffee in the other.

Rory is completely unaware of her mother’s demise as she helps Paris open all the letter of all the schools she applied to. Doyle’s trying to play it cool but this is as good as he can do:

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Paris gets into every school she applied to and immediately has a meltdown over how many options she has.

The ghost of Lorelai enters a No Exit-esque level of hell when she gets to entertain Houseguest Jackson for the evening.

How can you tell that Lorelai is actually dead in this episode? Does this answer your question?:

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Not only that – she uses her hands-free ear buds on her bike but still answers her cell phone manually in the car. Remember when that wasn’t illegal in almost every state?

Rory calls Lorelai to tell her that she hasn’t heard about getting that New York Times fellowship. Since Lorelai is dead Rory is actually just having a conversation with herself with her phone up to her ear so she doesn’t look like she’s cracked under the pressure of not knowing what she’s doing next year.

Side note – I think I had a super cheap knockoff version of this sweater:

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Sookie asks Ghost Lorelai if spending the night with Jackson was as terrible as we all envision. She lies and says no, hoping to prevent this particular form of torture from continuing. Sookie is over Jackson – she can’t stand anything he does any more and all she can do is complain. I’m sure this marriage will last.

I am very confused by Sookie’s kitchen. The disorder and amount of shit on the counters that must be violating every food handling law on the books is something I have mentioned many (many) times so I’ll spare you another rant. What I’m confused about here – is that like 10 cups of chicken broth just sitting on the counter in the lower right of this picture?

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That could have come out of a Chopped mystery basket. What is that for? Is she making some sort of radicchio/cucumber/onion(? I think those things in front of the strawberries are onions) hash? Is she going to put the strawberries in it? INQUIRING MINDS.

Lorelai, not content with the Jackson Hell of the night before decides that she’d like her next torture to take the form of hanging out at a car dealership with her ex-fiance. Was the DMV unavailable? She calls him and in a very odd scene we only get to see Lorelai’s side of the phone conversation. I don’t know if we’ve ever seen just one side of a phone conversation between two main characters before. Lauren Graham is an amazing actress but it’s really obvious she’s talking to herself in this scene. Maybe it’s done this way to reiterate that Lorelai is really dead and that phone doesn’t have the ability to reach the land of the living.

My favorite part of Lorelai and Luke’s awkward drive to the car dealership is at one point that you can clearly see a sign for the 134 in the background. The 134 is the closest highway to the WB lot. I’m not sure which street that is – Olive, maybe?

Jackson breaks Lorelai’s dollhouse to push Lorelai further down into the underworld. Soon there will be nothing left that gives her any joy. Jackson claims that he picked up the dollhouse to see what the support system was like – how? Luke couldn’t move the damn thing off the porch after Spacey Grandpa delivered it. It comes apart because it’s so heavy. Jackson is either a super strong demon or the Hulk.

Sookie finally admits that she’s still pissed off that he knocked her up with a child she didn’t really want. He’s like “I’m mad at me, too, but not really. I just want you to stop being mad so I’ll say anything to shut you up. I’ll say things like ‘I had a vasectomy’ even when I didn’t because it makes you quiet and compliant.”

The car shopping is going terribly, which means Lorelai’s eternal torture is coming along nicely! Neither she nor Luke want to admit that this is the worst thing that has happened to either one of them and I cal tell Luke is about 3 seconds from punching all the cars on the lot. Luke starts yelling at Lorelai because she can’t figure out what she wants and it turns into an early version of those Snickers commercials from a few years ago – Lorelai tells Luke he’s hungry, he’s acting like this because he’s hungry, and then she give him something sweet.

I submit that this whole car scene would be a million times more awesome if the role of Luke was played by Betty White. It’s not that Scott Patterson is bad! He’s not. It’s just that Betty White makes everything better. I would be devastated if you told me cats had gone extinct, But if Betty White told me I’d be more apt to deal with the news in a calm and accepting manner.

Rory and Paris meet Jessica Jones and her friend at a bar. Since Paris broke up with Doyle due to her need to make a clearheaded choice for her future, she tags along and drinks all the beer. Then she tells Rory that she may need to make the same choice with Smarmy if she truly wants to make her career a priority. I can’t say that I don’t agree with her. This is going to sound strange but my high school boyfriend and I got together with the specific agreed-upon parameters that our relationship would only last as long as high school. We loved each other very much in the way that teenagers love each other, but we knew we had college and careers to plan for. We knew we couldn’t factor each other in to our future plans. We parted ways after I graduated and I went to college as planned. (And yes, I know how privileged I am to have grown up in a family where college was not only an option but it was expected. Having the money to pay for it was a completely different story.) Years later, after college and working in the “real world” and going to grad school, my then-boyfriend (now husband) made his decision to move to Los Angeles upon getting his masters. He wanted me to come, but we both knew that the choice had to be mine. I chose taking my chances in Hollywood because I knew if I didn’t at least try to make it in LA I would always wonder what would have happened. I didn’t want to live like that. Obviously it didn’t pay off , but I did find my way to a lot of other things (including this blog!)

Actually, I started this blog before moving out here to try to establish a “web presence” I could point agents to when trying to get representation. I barely wrote anything on it and it languished for years. Then came the Gilmore Girls.

That night, Luke goes to Lorelai’s house to tell her that he actually tracked down the same make and model of her old Jeep for sale on Craigslist. All that arguing and he still went to all that trouble. That’s kind of cute. Strangely, it seems like Lorelai is only happy when she’s fighting with Luke. I don’t believe I remember that from the first six seasons of this show. Playfully antagonizing, yes. But Luke doesn’t seem like he’s enjoying himself at all. He seems tired and annoyed and resigned to his fate as Lorelai’s Chosen Man. This is not a man who wants to be in a relationship with this woman. This is a man who has decided he has no other choices and he’ll go with it because the alternative is unthinkable loneliness.

Doyle decides that he’s going to choose Paris over working at the paper in Hartford. Now she doesn’t have to worry about where he’ll be because he’ll follow her. That’s a perfectly acceptable decision. Then they go have freaky makeup sex while Rory reads her letter from the New York Times. She doesn’t get in.

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(544 Howe Street does not exist in New Haven.)

Is it wrong that I’m glad that Rory didn’t get in? For once something wasn’t handed to her just because she wanted it? She got the editor position at the paper without even campaigning or putting her name in for consideration. No one forcibly removed her from the building when she refused to leave that paper she interned with so they gave her a job. No one ever cares that she has a criminal record. She even made valedictorian, which is still baffling to this day. It’s not that Rory isn’t smart. It’s just that Paris is smarter with a greater drive to achieve the highest GPA possible. She really should have been valedictorian of their high school over Rory.

It’s ok, Rory. Remember the words of the Rolling Stones: You can’t always get what you want.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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