OMG. I only have TWO. MORE. AFTER. THIS.
I almost wrote this last night. Then I saw the episode image Netflix uses, which is of Lorelai in front of a microphone. I’ve heard about this episode and I experience secondhand embarrassment just thinking about it. That happens to me a lot. I am very easily embarrassed for characters in books, movies, and TV – especially when they aren’t embarrassed or aware that most normal people would be terribly embarrassed in this situation. It makes it worse.
Rory is sitting at a desk in her Chilton uniform. She gets kicked out by the dean whose name escapes me at the moment. I want to call him Super Nintendo Chalmers, but that’s not right. It’s better, but it’s not right.
She leaves the classroom and walks into her mom’s house where she finds Lorelai packing for Hawaii. After Lorelai leaves, she finds Paris and Doyle and their two perfectly dorky children eating at the dinner table. On the refrigerator there are several pictures, but of these three I can’t decide which one I like more:
It’s a tie between the photo where Paris looks three seconds away from murdering her entire family and the SadParisSadBono photo where I assume they’re looking at The Edge sans hat.
Paris and Doyle now own Lorelai’s house. While Rory comes to terms with this news the camera decides that it needs to be right up in her face which is the most unsettling thing about this entire scene. Gilmore Girls is not an extreme closeup show, so when it’s done it’s very noticeable.
Obviously, this is all a dream. She feels she has no future now that she didn’t get the New York Times fellowship. The NYT is the dream for so many journalists. But how many actually start out there? Most of them do what I was advised to do when I was in J-school: get a job at some small paper in the middle of nowhere where you can cut your teeth. Work hard, work up to bigger markets, and then, MAYBE, you’ll get a shot at the big time. (I did not take this advice.)
The girls go to Friday Night Dinner where everything seems to have returned to normal in the Gilmore house. Spacey Grandpa is no longer dressed like a member of Tony Soprano’s posse, and there is no sign of Judgy WASP Mom’s “mock-tails.” The Elder Gilmores announce that they’re buying a little apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan where Rory can live when she’s working for the New York Times. Jesus Christ. Rory went to an Ivy without taking out a single loan (or, as far as we know, receiving one scholarship.) And now she’s going to get to live in a very nice part of New York for free. In a few years if you ask her about the beginning of her career she’ll talk about how hard she had to work to “make it” on an entry-level salary in one of the most expensive cities in the world without recognizing that she wasn’t drowning in debt or barely making rent like her equally as hard-working (but nowhere rich) peers. She’ll probably attribute the fact that many of those equally as hard-working peers had to leave the dream jobs (or internships) that didn’t pay a living wage to the “fact” that those people just didn’t “want it” enough instead of recognizing that those people wanted it just as much as she did but they also wanted to eat and not sleep on the street.
Rory has to tell everyone that she didn’t get the fellowship and instead of saying “tough break but there is something better out there for you!” everyone is like “WHAT? RORY NOT GET SOMETHING? HOW PREPOSTEROUS! WHY I NEVER! HARUMPH! :adjusts monocle: :inspects spats:” Judgy WASP Mom has the fucking gall to blame nepotism as if Rory didn’t get extra special treatment as a YALE LEGACY WHO NOW HAS A FUCKING CAMPUS BUILDING NAMED AFTER HER AND HER GRANDFATHER CAN SET UP INTERVIEWS FOR HER WITH THE DEAN OF THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED SCHOOL. I ask if that was a joke but none of the characters reacted as if it was one so she was probably serious.
Lorelai calls Rory the next day to see how she is but has to leave a message. She’s wearing a dress that I love paired with boots that I hate.
This dress would look so much better with a pump or a sandal.
She stops by Luke’s where Miss Patty and Babette are planning the debut of their cabaret act during a karaoke night. Why not just use Miss Patty’s dance studio like they did when she debuted her one-woman show? Probably because the writers forgot about it/wanted to make Lorelai fucking sing because there is no place in this world for anything that is good and/or just.
After her final, Rory finds Paris making “friends” with a bunch of fellow future Harvard Medical School grads. They’re eating an erotic cake and celebrating, but Paris is just planning on running them all over with her car if she can’t get a higher GPA than them. Rory gets a letter and learns that she isn’t going to work at the Chicago Sun Times, either. This is 2006. Rory, as someone who graduated with a journalism degree a few years before, let me lay it out to you – the bottom fell out of the print market. Many jobs were lost to the internet. Those jobs have never come back. I shouldn’t have graduated with a journalism degree when I did because the print market was dead then (but I was also too many credits into my major to change without doing another year or two in college, so.) It’s not you, Rory. It’s just a shit time to try an become a journalist.
We see Lane for the first time since the babies were born. Apparently she’s trapped in a mirror world (note the poster on the wall):
They must have flipped this image during editing for some reason? But why? I googled and I didn’t see any of these posters printed backwards.
Zach has gone to the store and he brings back Trader Joe Honey Nut-Os (which are delicious.) I’m glad Stars Hollow seems to be moving up in the world. First, they had Taylor’s. Then they had that massive grocery store where Lorelai ran into Luke. And now they’ve got a Trader Joe’s.
Zach tells Lane that he got an opportunity to go on tour with a successful band because they need someone to fill in for their guitarist. Great for Zach. Shitty for Lane. Being in a band and going on tour was her dream and now she’s a mom who can’t go because she’s got to stay home with the babies. Zach says they can come along but, come on. Twin infants on tour?
When Lorelai gets home she finds Rory in bed feeling sorry for herself. She says she “tanked” her final but I seriously doubt that’s going to matter as she’s graduating in a few days and she’d had to have tanked all her finals to not graduate. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get a job because she didn’t get in at the Times and she’s worried that she disappointed Lorelai. Lorelai says that Rory could “never ever” disappoint her. Hold up, Lorelai. We haven’t seen the revival yet. I will personally be very disappointed if Rory is with any of the three boyfriends from the show.
Speaking of – Smarmy is still in San Francisco trying to get into the tech industry. He’s a huge douche so it’s either this or working on Wall Street.
Everybody goes to see Miss Patty and Babette’s cabaret act, including Luke who just learned he won’t spend the summer contemplating shoving Poochie into the Atlantic. On the way to the bar Lane tells Zach that she can’t go on tour with him but it’s totally ok if he lives her dream for her. He’s like “you’re so cool!” She’s like “My dreams are dying!”
In order for Rory to feel better about herself she decides to get her mother drunk and ask her to sing karaoke. Lorelai takes the stage and I’m already getting really uncomfortable and nervous. I honestly don’t know if I can watch this scene. Maybe if I mute it.
It’s better muted but I’m still having a hard time.
Luke walks in while Lorelai is onstage singing “I Will Always Love You.” It’s a little over the top and extremely overdone. I would have gone with this one:
This one is probably cheaper, right?
I fast forwarded through it. I couldn’t watch it. I’m sorry.
Lorelai is hung over and spending the day watching old movies on the couch when Smarmy knocks on the door. OH. GOD.
He’s been offered a big job in California and he wants Lorelai’s permission to ask Rory to marry him. I mean…I guess it’s sweet when people follow tradition and ask permission, but it’s not really Lorelai’s permission he needs. It’s Rory’s. Rory is a grown woman, her mother no longer has any say over anything she does. Rory isn’t property that Smarmy needs to ask permission for.
Lorelai doesn’t answer him and we fade out.