Review: Gilmore Girls – Season 7, Episode 21 “Unto the Breach”

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One more to go after this.

I’m just going to get into it. Last episode Lorelai sang a mushy love song to Luke while drunk. Smarmy asked Lorelai for her permission to marry Rory but did not bother tracking C-Money down to solicit his opinion.

Lorelai tells Sookie everything that’s been going on while they walk to Weston’s to pick up the cake for Rory’s graduation party. The whole town has been talking about Lorelai’s drunken serenade of Luke so she’s debating between attending the party or killing herself.

Luke decides to get Rory a graduation present of weird earrings that his sister made in her garage. I’m not sure the jewelry Liz makes is of the “congrats on this huge milestone!” variety. He should get her some simple studs (any gem stone but diamonds because diamonds are too “I’m your boyfriend”) or maybe some simple white gold or gold hoops. With the hoops she’d have something that would be appropriate for any office setting regardless of dress code requirements, they would be nice without being flashy, and they go with literally everything.

As Luke looks through the earring selection Liz bothers him about Lorelai’s No Good Very Bad Terrible Karaoke Moment. I’m getting the impression that everyone in town wanted them to throw down for some stage sexytimes right then and there. And you know everyone would have been totally into watching. It’s like they don’t have books or TV so they can’t ship fictional characters. They ship their neighbors instead. (You know Miss Patty and Babette swap Luke and Lorelai fanfics they’ve written.)

See? This is the look exchange of two women super excited that their OTP is about to become canon:

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Of course Lorelai has to deflect all this excitement so she says it was “just a song” and Luke overhears. Luke, who does not understand what deflecting an uncomfortable line of questioning is gets all pissy because he is a child. You know, I like Luke a lot, but his hot/cold emotional rollercoaster is not someone anyone should have to deal with long-term. (Not that Lorelai’s constant self-centered attitude is any better.)

At the town meeting Taylor continues to act like a pod person when he allows Kirk to get a permit to sit in a box over the town square. Lorelai tells Babette and the rest of the town that they can’t go to Rory’s graduation because there are only so many tickets available. Everyone acts like this is the first they’ve ever heard of such a thing (even though it’s completely typical.) Everyone is very upset but they should really be jumping for joy. Graduations are boring. The exciting part is when the person you know gets their diploma and then the rest of it is just people you’ve never heard of walking across a stage. When I got my master’s I didn’t even go to my graduation. First – because it was going to be boring. Second – it was at 2 p.m. on a weekday and I had to work or request off using my limited vacation time to attend. So I went to work.

Because Stars Hollow is full of insane people they decide that they need to do a reenactment of the ceremony in the town square. Y’all need lives.

C-Money makes an appearance at Rory’s graduation party (the one thrown by Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa.) Lorelai tells him about Smarmy’s “intentions.” Then this happens:

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WHY IS EVERYONE SINGING ON THIS SHOW NOW?? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. I hate unexpected singing!

After they’re done singing Smarmy steps up to the plate. Of course he’s going for the unexpected public proposal! Public proposals are the worst because there’s really no way for the proposee to say no without completely humiliating the proposer. Rory has to drag Smarmy out of the party in order to talk to him about what she’s really feeling. Her answer isn’t an automatic “YES.” That says something. Marriage isn’t something to enter into lightly, but by the time that proposal rolls around all the questions about if you want to marry this person should be answered. She says that she doesn’t know if she wants to marry him so he leaves to go be sad (understandably.) Rory uses Smarmy’s need to make everything a fucking spectacle to wrangle a carriage ride for herself and her mother.

Judgy WASP Mom thinks Rory should marry him because “an offer like this doesn’t come around every day.” Given that Judgy WASP Mom went to school specifically to earn her MRS degree, it makes perfect sense to marry right out of school. But it doesn’t make much sense when you’re young and unsure of what you want for your future.

After the party Lorelai takes a walk around Stars Hollow and runs into Luke. They get into a veiled argument about marriage and making sure things are “right.”

The day of graduation Judgy WASP Mom makes a big stink over how boring the speaker was before the ceremony. I told you graduations are boring. Lorelai mentions that they almost got Henry Winkler. That’s cool – Henry Winkler got his graduate degree from Yale.

When asked about her graduation party Rory doesn’t even tell her friends that Smarmy proposed. We all know that means she has no desire to marry him. Judgy WASP Mom is making the graduation a living hell for everyone by not shutting up about the proposal and Lorelai’s “duty” to sway her toward a “yes.” Rory graduates and everyone cries. Even I got a little teary.

FAMILY PORTRAIT TIME!

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Awww. My favorite part is that C-Money is barely in it (you can see his elbow!) It’s also a little blurry because the camera is panning during the moment and only stops when C-Money’s back is in the shot. I will take blurry over an obstructed view Gilmore family portrait.

Rory tells Smarmy that she can’t marry him but she’ll still be his girlfriend. Smarmy doesn’t want that – he wants all or nothing. Hey, that’s fair. If what he wants at this point in his life is marriage and Rory isn’t on the same page, they should part ways so they can both find what they’re looking for. She gives him his ring back and he walks away.

Rory’s sad but I think she made the right decision. She has her whole life in front of her. Who knows where she’ll go or who she’ll meet.

 

 

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