It’s Christmas Eve as I write this. As required by U.S. Law, I must acknowledge this celebration by honoring my long-held, sacred traditions. My one tradition is posting the video of Patton Oswalt’s “Christmas Shoes” routine:
Just a quick note – starting the week of September 21st, I will be reviewing Season 2 of GOTHAM. Gilmore Girls reviews will still continue.
We begin this episode with Judgy WASP Mom and Spacey Grandpa complaining that someone in the neighborhood gave out king-sized candy bars for Halloween (aka THE BEST HOLIDAY EVER) thus outdoing the Gilmore’s regular-sized candy bars. Then people start talking about balls and I’m giggling like an 8-year-old because, as Lorelai says, “Balls are funny.” They are. They really really are.
This episode opens with Luke having a conniption fit because a bunch of parents with young kids have decided to hang out in his diner. There are babies and trains that don’t work and…OMG..BREAST FEEDING.
“Hey everyone! There’s a cool villain in this one and we’re gonna open with some bad ass music and, like, really up the tension…but we aren’t going to live up to that expectation. You’re cool with that, yeah?”
And that, in a nutshell, is Gotham.
One thought on this episode’s cold open – what kind of kid writes on legal pads in high school? Shouldn’t Rory be angling for a fancy Five Star notebook? Or a poor child to follow her around and take notes for her like all the rest of her rich buddies have?
We open this episode with Rory in English class with a Zach Braff knockoff teacher. If I’m not mistaken, Rory had English class back in episode two with an older professor who looked nothing like a guy who got lost in New Jersey once and thought he needed to write a coming of age story about it starring himself and Natalie Portman. I’m guessing original English teacher got fired because he, I don’t know, showed his dick to the lunch lady? And Lunch Lady was like, “That’s not organic!” and threw a frying pan at him. Her aim was true, he ended up in the hospital, and now Zach Braff works at Chilton.
In watching this show I have decided that every ridiculous over the top thing they show rich people doing is fact and not embellished at all for entertainment purposes. Rich people always have dinner by candlelight. Rich people are overbearing and pushy. Rich people are so consumed with whatever they think about all day (money?) that they cannot tell the difference between male and female staff. This is my Rich People Head Canon. So it is written, so shall it be done.
We open this episode on Boring Dinner with WASP family. Do you think that if Bruce Wayne sat down and watched this cold open he’d be happy his parents were dead because all Rich WASP people are boring as fuck? (HEAD CANON, remember? From like a paragraph ago?)
Side note – the title sequence of this show, in addition to being an Instagram filter before its time, would fit in quite well in Too Many Cooks.
WOO HOO! Episode 2! YEAH!
I have no idea where that came from.
So we start with a very touching Mother/Daughter moment of painting toenails in the fading light of dusk while Rory eats Reddi-Whip out of a can. Then, as if by divine intervention, Lane comes running out of the dusky night, CD held aloft like the Olympic torch, so the girls can participate in one of those cool Mom/Daughter and her Friend dance parties to rockin’ tunage.
Suffice to say that I find all of this ridiculous. I mean, who eats Reddi-Whip out of a can while NOT standing in front of the open refrigerator door crying? No one. No one normal, anyway.